eyes. “I’m sorry to hear that, but again, not my fault. I thought we already established that my significant other was behind the calls to DEQ. I talked to him about it, and he agreed to knock it off.”
“I’m sure you did,” he said. “Of course, I took the liberty of calling him myself the same day he left me all those messages regarding your health and the unsuitability of your work environment.”
“You did?”
“Yes.”
“What did he say?”
“For one thing, he denied there was any romantic relationship between the two of you.”
“Of course he did,” I snarled, feeling a fresh wave of anger. “He’s done that for most of the time we’ve dated.”
“And why would he do that?”
“Well, he either believed the county still had a policy against co-workers dating, or he was embarrassed to be dating me for some reason,” I said. “Take your pick.”
Collin frowned, apparently not expecting to hear so much about my personal life. “Look, I don’t care who you have or haven’t dated,” he said, picking up his tea. “That’s beside the point. The only reason I thought it prudent to mention the issue is that, clearly, some elements of your story are a bit dodgy.”
“What else?” I challenged. “How about if you cut out all the bullshit implications and just spell it out for me?”
“Very well,” Collin said, straightening a little in his chair. “I’ve noticed some recent discrepancies in the records I receive from our sale of carbon credits from our landfill gas project, as well as some oddities in my readings. The numbers aren’t adding up – not the dollar figures or the quantity of carbon credits sold.”
“What the hell does that have to do with me?”
Collin sighed with exaggerated patience. “Hypothetically speaking, if there were something dodgy going on with our program, a third-party reviewer would be sent out to survey our site. Undercover, most likely, if they thought we might be trying to diddle them somehow.”
“Diddle?”
“Con. Rip them off.”
“I see. So you think I’m that third-party reviewer,” I said dryly, not sure if he really understood how absurd that was. “A spy.”
“It’s certainly a possibility.”
“Sure. And I might wake up tomorrow and decide to be a polar bear.”
Collin sighed again. “That’s not the only evidence I used to draw my hypothesis.” He took another sip of tea. “In the past, the county’s human resources department has given me a rather detailed battery of paperwork on all new hires. Very thorough information about backgrounds, work history, allergies, necessary details that would allow me to formulate a comprehensive plan for hazardous materials training, appropriate health protocols, restrictions, that sort of thing.”
“And?”
“And the practice halted quite recently. All of a sudden, I’m receiving virtually no new hire information. That means I’ve been given very little of your background or history. Now why do you think that would be?”
“I have no idea why HR does half the things it does,” I said, thoroughly exasperated now. “They repositioned me from a desk job in marketing and public relations to a position involving heavy equipment and garbage. Does that really strike you as the well-plotted actions of a department with a solid game plan?”
“And that’s the other thing,” Collin said, sipping from his mug again. “I reviewed the county’s employee roster from last quarter. You weren’t listed as part of marketing and public relations.”
I set my mug down hard, sloshing most of the remaining coffee over the edge. “Is this what you’ve been so pissy about?”
“Pissy?” he asked, looking offended.
“Yes, pissy. Ever since I started last week, you’ve been pissy.”
“I wouldn’t say—”
“Listen, smart guy. I functioned as a part of the marketing and public relations team for the last five years, but one of the conditions the county made when my position was
“I’m sure you did,” he said. “Of course, I took the liberty of calling him myself the same day he left me all those messages regarding your health and the unsuitability of your work environment.”
“You did?”
“Yes.”
“What did he say?”
“For one thing, he denied there was any romantic relationship between the two of you.”
“Of course he did,” I snarled, feeling a fresh wave of anger. “He’s done that for most of the time we’ve dated.”
“And why would he do that?”
“Well, he either believed the county still had a policy against co-workers dating, or he was embarrassed to be dating me for some reason,” I said. “Take your pick.”
Collin frowned, apparently not expecting to hear so much about my personal life. “Look, I don’t care who you have or haven’t dated,” he said, picking up his tea. “That’s beside the point. The only reason I thought it prudent to mention the issue is that, clearly, some elements of your story are a bit dodgy.”
“What else?” I challenged. “How about if you cut out all the bullshit implications and just spell it out for me?”
“Very well,” Collin said, straightening a little in his chair. “I’ve noticed some recent discrepancies in the records I receive from our sale of carbon credits from our landfill gas project, as well as some oddities in my readings. The numbers aren’t adding up – not the dollar figures or the quantity of carbon credits sold.”
“What the hell does that have to do with me?”
Collin sighed with exaggerated patience. “Hypothetically speaking, if there were something dodgy going on with our program, a third-party reviewer would be sent out to survey our site. Undercover, most likely, if they thought we might be trying to diddle them somehow.”
“Diddle?”
“Con. Rip them off.”
“I see. So you think I’m that third-party reviewer,” I said dryly, not sure if he really understood how absurd that was. “A spy.”
“It’s certainly a possibility.”
“Sure. And I might wake up tomorrow and decide to be a polar bear.”
Collin sighed again. “That’s not the only evidence I used to draw my hypothesis.” He took another sip of tea. “In the past, the county’s human resources department has given me a rather detailed battery of paperwork on all new hires. Very thorough information about backgrounds, work history, allergies, necessary details that would allow me to formulate a comprehensive plan for hazardous materials training, appropriate health protocols, restrictions, that sort of thing.”
“And?”
“And the practice halted quite recently. All of a sudden, I’m receiving virtually no new hire information. That means I’ve been given very little of your background or history. Now why do you think that would be?”
“I have no idea why HR does half the things it does,” I said, thoroughly exasperated now. “They repositioned me from a desk job in marketing and public relations to a position involving heavy equipment and garbage. Does that really strike you as the well-plotted actions of a department with a solid game plan?”
“And that’s the other thing,” Collin said, sipping from his mug again. “I reviewed the county’s employee roster from last quarter. You weren’t listed as part of marketing and public relations.”
I set my mug down hard, sloshing most of the remaining coffee over the edge. “Is this what you’ve been so pissy about?”
“Pissy?” he asked, looking offended.
“Yes, pissy. Ever since I started last week, you’ve been pissy.”
“I wouldn’t say—”
“Listen, smart guy. I functioned as a part of the marketing and public relations team for the last five years, but one of the conditions the county made when my position was
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