like for me seeing you again? I did everything to keep from you ever finding out about any of this. I’m humiliated!” I screamed before pouring a shot of Tequila and slamming it back with a cringe and a curse.
Shamus rubbed his hands over his face with a groan of frustration. “Cassa I am fucking trying here, I am. I am just now learning all the bullshit that not only you but everyone , including my dad, kept from me. I want to help you out and try my best to make it right.” He dropped his arms at his sides in angry defeat. “I feel responsible for this fucking snowball Cassa!”
Everything inside of me came to a screeching halt at his self deprecating tone. “Get out!” I snapped through clinched teeth. My hands were shaking with the need to smack his face. How dare he take what happened and make it about himself! I had fought and bled and almost died trying to keep this from touching him. Drama of this magnitude could ruin his career, could make his fans hate him if it was played in the wrong light. How dare he take the blame now?
“ What?”
“ I said get out!” I yelled and watched Shamus and his serene beauty turn to pain at my words.
“ I’m staying.” He says with a note of defiance. I know I don’t trust or believe him even though I’m desperate to.
I felt tears burning behind my lids but refused to waste another tear on Shamus James. The wake was tomorrow and I just needed to get through it and never have to worry about seeing him again.
I felt the humiliation roll in like a storm. I was fucking losing it. I spent every minute of every day covering my tracks and making sure I was secure but all along I was coming apart, slowly unraveling before the man I loved. "Have you forgotten who you are Shamus? You can’t stay; you have shows lined up remember?"
"I don ’t care."
"You don ’t have a choice. Just go. The girl you loved is gone Shame, she bled out on the bedroom floor." I placed my hand over my belly and walked away.
Cover up with makeup in the mirror
tell yourself, it's never gonna happen again
You cry alone and then he swears he loves you
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Chapter Nine
Shamus
Fuck! I wanted her to stop me, tell me she needed me as much as I needed her. I knew it was my fault that she was now a survivor of abuse…and me. I had never hated like I hated now. I hated Cory Noxx. I hated the secrets my boys kept from me. I hated my dad for the bs he fed me over the years. Fuck, even a part of me hated Cassa.
Still driving Mike and Roni’s Durango I drove over the I90 bridge into Seattle. I was a creature of habit. In moments of stress I went to music and right now my aggression was like a dog with a bone. When my mom passed, I couldn’t pound my drums. I need the beauty of the guitar and I strummed the old acoustic she bought me second hand.
I pulled the borrowed SUV into the empty lot of the studio we had rented to work on the new album. Chad and Carrie were planning the wedding and Chad had wanted to be close to Carrie and Noelle, as well as Noah wanting the same thing and Candey as well. I had liked the idea of being close to dad and Cal was like usual going with the flow.
I entered the building and smiled at the night clerk at the desk. “Shamus James.” I said and extended my hand. “I’m here to work a little aggression out on my drums.” I smiled my famous smile knowing by the look on the young guys face he knew who I was before I even told him my name. Celebrity had its perks in times of need and it let us all get away with a lot more and more times than not we got our own way easily.
“ Sure man.” The kid said and handed me the visitor pass that had a bar code I needed to swipe to get into the studio.
“ Take it easy my man.” I said with a wave over my shoulder. I told myself I would chat with the kid on my way out after I had worked the fury off. We had a few mellow songs on this album and Cal and I had been fighting the sweeter side to TAT. Chad
Shamus rubbed his hands over his face with a groan of frustration. “Cassa I am fucking trying here, I am. I am just now learning all the bullshit that not only you but everyone , including my dad, kept from me. I want to help you out and try my best to make it right.” He dropped his arms at his sides in angry defeat. “I feel responsible for this fucking snowball Cassa!”
Everything inside of me came to a screeching halt at his self deprecating tone. “Get out!” I snapped through clinched teeth. My hands were shaking with the need to smack his face. How dare he take what happened and make it about himself! I had fought and bled and almost died trying to keep this from touching him. Drama of this magnitude could ruin his career, could make his fans hate him if it was played in the wrong light. How dare he take the blame now?
“ What?”
“ I said get out!” I yelled and watched Shamus and his serene beauty turn to pain at my words.
“ I’m staying.” He says with a note of defiance. I know I don’t trust or believe him even though I’m desperate to.
I felt tears burning behind my lids but refused to waste another tear on Shamus James. The wake was tomorrow and I just needed to get through it and never have to worry about seeing him again.
I felt the humiliation roll in like a storm. I was fucking losing it. I spent every minute of every day covering my tracks and making sure I was secure but all along I was coming apart, slowly unraveling before the man I loved. "Have you forgotten who you are Shamus? You can’t stay; you have shows lined up remember?"
"I don ’t care."
"You don ’t have a choice. Just go. The girl you loved is gone Shame, she bled out on the bedroom floor." I placed my hand over my belly and walked away.
Cover up with makeup in the mirror
tell yourself, it's never gonna happen again
You cry alone and then he swears he loves you
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Chapter Nine
Shamus
Fuck! I wanted her to stop me, tell me she needed me as much as I needed her. I knew it was my fault that she was now a survivor of abuse…and me. I had never hated like I hated now. I hated Cory Noxx. I hated the secrets my boys kept from me. I hated my dad for the bs he fed me over the years. Fuck, even a part of me hated Cassa.
Still driving Mike and Roni’s Durango I drove over the I90 bridge into Seattle. I was a creature of habit. In moments of stress I went to music and right now my aggression was like a dog with a bone. When my mom passed, I couldn’t pound my drums. I need the beauty of the guitar and I strummed the old acoustic she bought me second hand.
I pulled the borrowed SUV into the empty lot of the studio we had rented to work on the new album. Chad and Carrie were planning the wedding and Chad had wanted to be close to Carrie and Noelle, as well as Noah wanting the same thing and Candey as well. I had liked the idea of being close to dad and Cal was like usual going with the flow.
I entered the building and smiled at the night clerk at the desk. “Shamus James.” I said and extended my hand. “I’m here to work a little aggression out on my drums.” I smiled my famous smile knowing by the look on the young guys face he knew who I was before I even told him my name. Celebrity had its perks in times of need and it let us all get away with a lot more and more times than not we got our own way easily.
“ Sure man.” The kid said and handed me the visitor pass that had a bar code I needed to swipe to get into the studio.
“ Take it easy my man.” I said with a wave over my shoulder. I told myself I would chat with the kid on my way out after I had worked the fury off. We had a few mellow songs on this album and Cal and I had been fighting the sweeter side to TAT. Chad
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