of coping with the burden of missing Fallon all over again.
CHAPTER 13
Fallon
Luca doesn’t say goodbye, which strikes me as odd. Nevertheless it is a goodbye. And that’s left me more disheartened and hollow than ever before. The front door closes softly while I’m reliving last night’s encounter in the bathroom. I scoot back down on my bed and remember everything vividly. How I was able to quiet that voice in the back of my mind, that voice of reason I’ve grown accustomed to in my upbringing. That voice that convinces me it’s wrong to love a killer, a dealer. In those moments, I truly enjoyed myself. It was liberating to just feel happy again. Unfortunately, it was due to a drug. And today, a sense of sadness hits me harder than the last couple of months. Luca must still be following me for a good reason. He didn’t just coincidentally show up at that bar. And there were two moments when I left my drink unattended, so it must’ve been done during one of those times, and it must be related to Luca.
The anger he unleashed on me the last time I saw him at his penthouse was still there, but the Luca that loves me is the one I woke up to. It felt too good to wake up with him spooning me. The entire night he was pressed against my back, and I was wonderfully aware of it and so caught up in preserving my sense of bliss that I contentedly fell asleep.
I’m sure Luca knows about the note Alex left. So why does it anger him that I haven’t told him about it myself? Am I still in the dark about what’s going on? Alex’s investigation will be closing soon, and I thought that would be the end of my connection to Luca and his Syndicate – which is a bittersweet thought because I want to be safe, but I also wish I could be with him. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t consider reaching out, and being with him again brought every emotion back to the surface.
I ache for him in a way I’ve never ached before.
But he’s right; I pushed him away. And I’m clearly not a good influence on him anymore. When he’s with me, he can lose his temper within a split second. As I’m mulling all these thoughts over in my brain, the fatigue wins, and I drift back into a restless sleep.
***
The days after the XTC incident, I’m feeling progressively more depressed and ever more anxious. I check the front door lock throughout the day, and I don’t leave the apartment. When the buzzer rings on Monday to notify me of a delivery, I head down to retrieve my package instead of letting strangers into the building. While climbing back up to my apartment, I squeeze the package and frown. It feels like a book, but I haven’t ordered any paperbacks from Amazon in months.
When I’m back inside my apartment, I lock the door and tear open the package. Tears immediately pool in my eyes, blurring my view, while I gaze at the paperback copy of Tatiana and Alexander by Paullina Simons, the copy Luca gave me when I was held at the Syndicate’s headquarters. I never finished reading this story.
As I clutch the book to my chest, I tiptoe to the couch and drop down. No matter how much I try to stay positive, I fall asleep while crying, wanting to be held by Luca. He looked good, much better than the last time I saw him, which both comforts and saddens me.
I can’t live like this. I’m the only one holding myself back. Luca has moved on or at least he’s making a decent effort.
***
By midweek, I finally crawl out of bed with a newfound determination and write a to-do list on my laptop. First, apply to at least three job openings daily. Second, go running every day, but be careful when outside – watch my surroundings. No one will get a chance to follow me or spike my drink again. Luca would be proud; I’m finally listening to his advice. I smile sadly and rub my fist over my heart to dull the pain from missing him. Third, call Detective Wade and inquire about Alex’s investigation. If that case is
CHAPTER 13
Fallon
Luca doesn’t say goodbye, which strikes me as odd. Nevertheless it is a goodbye. And that’s left me more disheartened and hollow than ever before. The front door closes softly while I’m reliving last night’s encounter in the bathroom. I scoot back down on my bed and remember everything vividly. How I was able to quiet that voice in the back of my mind, that voice of reason I’ve grown accustomed to in my upbringing. That voice that convinces me it’s wrong to love a killer, a dealer. In those moments, I truly enjoyed myself. It was liberating to just feel happy again. Unfortunately, it was due to a drug. And today, a sense of sadness hits me harder than the last couple of months. Luca must still be following me for a good reason. He didn’t just coincidentally show up at that bar. And there were two moments when I left my drink unattended, so it must’ve been done during one of those times, and it must be related to Luca.
The anger he unleashed on me the last time I saw him at his penthouse was still there, but the Luca that loves me is the one I woke up to. It felt too good to wake up with him spooning me. The entire night he was pressed against my back, and I was wonderfully aware of it and so caught up in preserving my sense of bliss that I contentedly fell asleep.
I’m sure Luca knows about the note Alex left. So why does it anger him that I haven’t told him about it myself? Am I still in the dark about what’s going on? Alex’s investigation will be closing soon, and I thought that would be the end of my connection to Luca and his Syndicate – which is a bittersweet thought because I want to be safe, but I also wish I could be with him. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t consider reaching out, and being with him again brought every emotion back to the surface.
I ache for him in a way I’ve never ached before.
But he’s right; I pushed him away. And I’m clearly not a good influence on him anymore. When he’s with me, he can lose his temper within a split second. As I’m mulling all these thoughts over in my brain, the fatigue wins, and I drift back into a restless sleep.
***
The days after the XTC incident, I’m feeling progressively more depressed and ever more anxious. I check the front door lock throughout the day, and I don’t leave the apartment. When the buzzer rings on Monday to notify me of a delivery, I head down to retrieve my package instead of letting strangers into the building. While climbing back up to my apartment, I squeeze the package and frown. It feels like a book, but I haven’t ordered any paperbacks from Amazon in months.
When I’m back inside my apartment, I lock the door and tear open the package. Tears immediately pool in my eyes, blurring my view, while I gaze at the paperback copy of Tatiana and Alexander by Paullina Simons, the copy Luca gave me when I was held at the Syndicate’s headquarters. I never finished reading this story.
As I clutch the book to my chest, I tiptoe to the couch and drop down. No matter how much I try to stay positive, I fall asleep while crying, wanting to be held by Luca. He looked good, much better than the last time I saw him, which both comforts and saddens me.
I can’t live like this. I’m the only one holding myself back. Luca has moved on or at least he’s making a decent effort.
***
By midweek, I finally crawl out of bed with a newfound determination and write a to-do list on my laptop. First, apply to at least three job openings daily. Second, go running every day, but be careful when outside – watch my surroundings. No one will get a chance to follow me or spike my drink again. Luca would be proud; I’m finally listening to his advice. I smile sadly and rub my fist over my heart to dull the pain from missing him. Third, call Detective Wade and inquire about Alex’s investigation. If that case is
Similar Books
