…’
‘What’s a No. 23?’
‘“Running Screaming at People While Drunk and Trying to Cut Their Knees off”,’ said Angua. ‘It’s easier to give them numbers than write it down every time. Look, there’s plenty of women in this town that’d love to do things the dwarf way. I mean, what’re the choices they’ve got? Barmaid, seamstress or someone’s wife. While
you
can do anything the men do …’
‘Provided we do only what the men do,’ said Cheery.
Angua paused. ‘Oh,’ she said. ‘I
see
. Hah. Yes. I know
that
tune.’
‘I can’t hold an axe!’ said Cheery. ‘I’m scared of fights! I think songs about gold are stupid! I hate beer! I can’t even drink dwarfishly! When I try to quaff I drown the dwarf behind me!’
‘I can see that could be tricky,’ said Angua.
‘I saw a girl walk down the street here and some men
whistled
after her! And you can wear
dresses
! With
colours
!’
‘Oh, dear.’ Angua tried not to smile. ‘How long have lady dwarfs felt like this? I thought they were happy with the way things are …’
‘Oh, it’s easy to be happy when you don’t know any different,’ said Cheery bitterly. ‘Chainmail trousers are fine if you’ve never heard of lingerry!’
‘Li— oh, yes,’ said Angua. ‘Lingerie. Yes.’ She tried to feel sympathetic and found that she was, really, but she did have to stop herself from saying that at least
you
don’t have to find styles that can easily be undone by paws.
‘I thought I could come here and get a different kind of job,’ Cheery moaned. ‘I’m good at needlework and I went to see the Guild of Seamstresses and—’ She stopped, and blushed behind her beard.
‘Yes,’ said Angua. ‘Lots of people make that mistake.’ She stood up straight and brushed herself off. ‘You’ve impressed Commander Vimes, anyway. I think you’ll like it here. Everyone’s got troubles in the Watch. Normal people don’t become policemen. You’ll get on fine.’
‘Commander Vimes is a bit …’ Cheery began.
‘He’s okay when he’s in a good mood. He needs to drink but he doesn’t dare to these days. You know: one drink is too many, two is not enough … And that makes him edgy. When he’s in a bad mood he’ll tread on your toes and then shout at you for not standing up straight.’
‘
You’re
normal,’ said Cheery, shyly. ‘I like
you
.’
Angua patted her on the head. ‘You say that now,’ she said, ‘but when you’ve been around here for a while you’ll find out that sometimes I can be a bitch … What’s that?’
‘What?’
‘That … painting. With the eyes …’
‘Or two points of red light,’ said Cheery.
‘Oh, yeah?’
‘It’s the last thing Father Tubelcek saw, I think,’ said the dwarf.
Angua stared at the black rectangle. She sniffed. ‘There it is again!’
Cheery took a step backwards. ‘What? What?’
‘Where’s that smell coming from?’ Angua demanded.
‘Not me!’ said Cheery hurriedly.
Angua grabbed a small dish from the bench and sniffed at it. ‘This is it! I smelled this at the museum! What is it?’
‘It’s just clay. It was on the floor in the room where the old priest was killed,’ said Cheery. ‘Probably it came off someone’s boot.’
Angua crumbled some of it between her fingers.
‘I think it’s just potters’ clay,’ said Cheery. We used to use it at the guild. For making pots,’ she added, just in case Angua hadn’t grasped things. ‘You know? Crucibles and things. This looks like someone tried baking it but didn’t get the heat right. See how it crumbles?’
‘Pottery,’ said Angua. ‘I know a potter …’
She glanced down at the dwarf’s iconograph again.
Please, no, she thought. Not one of
them
?
The front gate of the College of Arms –
both
front gates – were swung open. The two Heralds bobbed excitedly around Corporal Nobbs as he tottered out.
‘Has your lordship got everything he requires?’
‘Nfff,’ said Nobby.
‘If we
‘What’s a No. 23?’
‘“Running Screaming at People While Drunk and Trying to Cut Their Knees off”,’ said Angua. ‘It’s easier to give them numbers than write it down every time. Look, there’s plenty of women in this town that’d love to do things the dwarf way. I mean, what’re the choices they’ve got? Barmaid, seamstress or someone’s wife. While
you
can do anything the men do …’
‘Provided we do only what the men do,’ said Cheery.
Angua paused. ‘Oh,’ she said. ‘I
see
. Hah. Yes. I know
that
tune.’
‘I can’t hold an axe!’ said Cheery. ‘I’m scared of fights! I think songs about gold are stupid! I hate beer! I can’t even drink dwarfishly! When I try to quaff I drown the dwarf behind me!’
‘I can see that could be tricky,’ said Angua.
‘I saw a girl walk down the street here and some men
whistled
after her! And you can wear
dresses
! With
colours
!’
‘Oh, dear.’ Angua tried not to smile. ‘How long have lady dwarfs felt like this? I thought they were happy with the way things are …’
‘Oh, it’s easy to be happy when you don’t know any different,’ said Cheery bitterly. ‘Chainmail trousers are fine if you’ve never heard of lingerry!’
‘Li— oh, yes,’ said Angua. ‘Lingerie. Yes.’ She tried to feel sympathetic and found that she was, really, but she did have to stop herself from saying that at least
you
don’t have to find styles that can easily be undone by paws.
‘I thought I could come here and get a different kind of job,’ Cheery moaned. ‘I’m good at needlework and I went to see the Guild of Seamstresses and—’ She stopped, and blushed behind her beard.
‘Yes,’ said Angua. ‘Lots of people make that mistake.’ She stood up straight and brushed herself off. ‘You’ve impressed Commander Vimes, anyway. I think you’ll like it here. Everyone’s got troubles in the Watch. Normal people don’t become policemen. You’ll get on fine.’
‘Commander Vimes is a bit …’ Cheery began.
‘He’s okay when he’s in a good mood. He needs to drink but he doesn’t dare to these days. You know: one drink is too many, two is not enough … And that makes him edgy. When he’s in a bad mood he’ll tread on your toes and then shout at you for not standing up straight.’
‘
You’re
normal,’ said Cheery, shyly. ‘I like
you
.’
Angua patted her on the head. ‘You say that now,’ she said, ‘but when you’ve been around here for a while you’ll find out that sometimes I can be a bitch … What’s that?’
‘What?’
‘That … painting. With the eyes …’
‘Or two points of red light,’ said Cheery.
‘Oh, yeah?’
‘It’s the last thing Father Tubelcek saw, I think,’ said the dwarf.
Angua stared at the black rectangle. She sniffed. ‘There it is again!’
Cheery took a step backwards. ‘What? What?’
‘Where’s that smell coming from?’ Angua demanded.
‘Not me!’ said Cheery hurriedly.
Angua grabbed a small dish from the bench and sniffed at it. ‘This is it! I smelled this at the museum! What is it?’
‘It’s just clay. It was on the floor in the room where the old priest was killed,’ said Cheery. ‘Probably it came off someone’s boot.’
Angua crumbled some of it between her fingers.
‘I think it’s just potters’ clay,’ said Cheery. We used to use it at the guild. For making pots,’ she added, just in case Angua hadn’t grasped things. ‘You know? Crucibles and things. This looks like someone tried baking it but didn’t get the heat right. See how it crumbles?’
‘Pottery,’ said Angua. ‘I know a potter …’
She glanced down at the dwarf’s iconograph again.
Please, no, she thought. Not one of
them
?
The front gate of the College of Arms –
both
front gates – were swung open. The two Heralds bobbed excitedly around Corporal Nobbs as he tottered out.
‘Has your lordship got everything he requires?’
‘Nfff,’ said Nobby.
‘If we
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