gone.
I start to gather the laundry and put in the first load. I go into each of their closets and take out their overnight bags. Ella did a surprisingly good job picking out her clothes. She has all different piles. Socks, underwear—she is so organized, much like me. I laugh as I refold everything and pack it all away neatly. One down, one to go.
Hunter’s room is a mess. He is much like his father. I see clothes everywhere. I start to refold them, making piles of what to pack and what to put away. When I finally finish, I head down into the living room, where the kids are picking out movies to take with them.
“Two each,” I yell. This is a fight waiting to happen. They both choose two and shove them into a bag. The night goes fast; I neverthought that they would be up for this. After their bath they get into their pajamas, and we snuggle for a while. I let them stay up a little later than usual. I do this more for me because I need to get my fill. I tuck them both into bed and go into my room. What the hell am I going to pack? I’m sure I won’t have to wear business attire; I will be in their house. I start to gather things, laying them all out on my bed.
This will have to do
, I think as I get my suitcase out.
For the next few hours, I finish up with the odds and ends of packing and laundry. In the bathroom I get my makeup bag out and start to gather up my stuff. My phone rings. Who is calling me this late? I think as I walk over to get it.
“Hey, it’s me,” I hear after I say hello. It’s Kevin. Shit. I have to cancel on him for tomorrow with the kids.
“I was just calling about tomorrow.” He sounds so tired.
“Kev, I meant to call you before, but I got caught up with the kids. I have to go away tomorrow on a trip.” I pause.
Let me rephrase this
. “I have to fly with a patient and get her settled. I’ll be coming home on Sunday. Mary and Richard are taking the kids for the weekend.”
“Oh, OK. I’ll stop by their house this weekend.” His voice is low. “You OK, Han?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just scrambling around to get everything in order before I leave.” I sit down on my bed.
“Hannah, have a safe trip and call me when you land.”
“I will, Kevin. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” I hang up and stare out my window. All of a sudden, I’m there. My bubble has burst and Chase’s death haunts me.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
October 2012
H unter starts to stir and I rub his back. He rolls over and looks at me. I know what he is thinking. I don’t want to say anything; the tears swell up in his eyes, and I pull him close. I rub his back for a while, and he just cries.
“I’m so sorry, honey. I miss him too.” I kiss the top of his head, and we lie for a while.
Ella wakes up and climbs over Becca to be with us. All three of us just lie together and cry. I hold them tight so they can feel my love.
Am I going to be enough for them
? I push the thought away. “Let’s go and eat some breakfast,” I say, they haven’t been eating much lately.
I know I’m not hungry, but they have to be, since they didn’t eat dinner last night. As we head out of bed, Becca wakes up and joins us. Kevin is in the kitchen when we walk in, and he takes Ella in his lap and hugs her tight. She hugs him tighter.
“I stopped and got bagels on my way over, I got the French toast ones.” he said.
I get a glimpse at myself in a mirror, and I don’t recognize whom I see. I see a pale face with dark circle and a hollow soul; seeing this makes me sick. We get through the morning, and I realize that this is how I will have to start living my life. I have to get through one minute at a time. I head up to my room to get some time alone. After running a bath, I get in and go underwater. I like that I can’t hear anythingunder the water. I tried to turn off all my thoughts after I saw Chase’s body lying on that table.
I come up out of the water and catch my breath. I can see Chase in my mind, his sexy smile
I start to gather the laundry and put in the first load. I go into each of their closets and take out their overnight bags. Ella did a surprisingly good job picking out her clothes. She has all different piles. Socks, underwear—she is so organized, much like me. I laugh as I refold everything and pack it all away neatly. One down, one to go.
Hunter’s room is a mess. He is much like his father. I see clothes everywhere. I start to refold them, making piles of what to pack and what to put away. When I finally finish, I head down into the living room, where the kids are picking out movies to take with them.
“Two each,” I yell. This is a fight waiting to happen. They both choose two and shove them into a bag. The night goes fast; I neverthought that they would be up for this. After their bath they get into their pajamas, and we snuggle for a while. I let them stay up a little later than usual. I do this more for me because I need to get my fill. I tuck them both into bed and go into my room. What the hell am I going to pack? I’m sure I won’t have to wear business attire; I will be in their house. I start to gather things, laying them all out on my bed.
This will have to do
, I think as I get my suitcase out.
For the next few hours, I finish up with the odds and ends of packing and laundry. In the bathroom I get my makeup bag out and start to gather up my stuff. My phone rings. Who is calling me this late? I think as I walk over to get it.
“Hey, it’s me,” I hear after I say hello. It’s Kevin. Shit. I have to cancel on him for tomorrow with the kids.
“I was just calling about tomorrow.” He sounds so tired.
“Kev, I meant to call you before, but I got caught up with the kids. I have to go away tomorrow on a trip.” I pause.
Let me rephrase this
. “I have to fly with a patient and get her settled. I’ll be coming home on Sunday. Mary and Richard are taking the kids for the weekend.”
“Oh, OK. I’ll stop by their house this weekend.” His voice is low. “You OK, Han?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just scrambling around to get everything in order before I leave.” I sit down on my bed.
“Hannah, have a safe trip and call me when you land.”
“I will, Kevin. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” I hang up and stare out my window. All of a sudden, I’m there. My bubble has burst and Chase’s death haunts me.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
October 2012
H unter starts to stir and I rub his back. He rolls over and looks at me. I know what he is thinking. I don’t want to say anything; the tears swell up in his eyes, and I pull him close. I rub his back for a while, and he just cries.
“I’m so sorry, honey. I miss him too.” I kiss the top of his head, and we lie for a while.
Ella wakes up and climbs over Becca to be with us. All three of us just lie together and cry. I hold them tight so they can feel my love.
Am I going to be enough for them
? I push the thought away. “Let’s go and eat some breakfast,” I say, they haven’t been eating much lately.
I know I’m not hungry, but they have to be, since they didn’t eat dinner last night. As we head out of bed, Becca wakes up and joins us. Kevin is in the kitchen when we walk in, and he takes Ella in his lap and hugs her tight. She hugs him tighter.
“I stopped and got bagels on my way over, I got the French toast ones.” he said.
I get a glimpse at myself in a mirror, and I don’t recognize whom I see. I see a pale face with dark circle and a hollow soul; seeing this makes me sick. We get through the morning, and I realize that this is how I will have to start living my life. I have to get through one minute at a time. I head up to my room to get some time alone. After running a bath, I get in and go underwater. I like that I can’t hear anythingunder the water. I tried to turn off all my thoughts after I saw Chase’s body lying on that table.
I come up out of the water and catch my breath. I can see Chase in my mind, his sexy smile
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