done?
“Hannah, have you left yet?” I realize it’s Michele, and I blush. If she only knew what I was just doing.
“I’m in the car,” I say as I get in.
“OK. I just wanted to let you know that Grant gave me the itinerary for tomorrow. He scheduled a car to pick you up at home. It will be at your house at ten thirty.” I remember the flower delivery.
“Did you give him my info?” I snap back. I didn’t mean it to come out that mean.
“No, he already had everything, probably from Richard.” She pauses. Of course he does!
“Thanks, Michele. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I hang up before she responds. What have I gotten myself into this time? I lean against the steering wheel and bang my head once again.
You need to stop
, I tell myself. No more, no more anything with Aiden or Grant. The next time they get close, simply walk away. Yes, I can do that. I will just walk away. I make myself believe this.
I’m so fucked up
, I think as I pull out of the parking lot, but I can only smile and touch my swollen lips as I think about how Aiden’s were just on them.
CHAPTER TEN
I begin a packing list in my head as I drive home. I take inventory and think about the laundry I have to do. I pull into the driveway and sit for a minute. Why do I feel like I’m doing something wrong? I shouldn’t go…What am I going to tell the kids? What if they start crying and don’t want me to go? I’d have to call the hospital and tell Mrs. Grace I can’t go. Part of me is saddened by this and the other half is relieved. I’ll let them make the decision. I see them at the door so I get out of the truck.
“Mommy,” they both yell as the run toward me. I get my stance ready. They’re not so little anymore, and with both of them running, I know they can knock me over. I grab them both tightly, and I feel an ache in my heart. Maybe I shouldn’t go. I’ll miss them too much. Hunter grabs my face to get my attention.
“Mommy, Grandma called and she says you’re letting us spend the weekend at her house. She said we can go swimming and play with the dog and go to Chuck E. Cheese.” He is so excited.
“Mommy, Grandma said I can play dress up, and she will take me to the hair salon.” Ella is even more excited. I feel relieved. They are so happy to spend a weekend away from me. It shouldn’t hurt my feelings, but it does.
“I’m happy that you’re so excited.” I have to push the words out.
“Mommy, can I go and pack?” Ella looks at me, beaming with excitement.
“Yes, take the clothes out and lay them on your bed.” They both jump down and run back into the house. I follow behind them and watch as they run up the stairs. I walk into the kitchen, put my stuff down on the counter, and hear my mom sigh.
“So, Mary told me you are going away this weekend with a patient?” My mom doesn’t know what to make of this, and she is eyeing me.
“It’s not what you’re thinking, Mom.” I give her the teenage voice. “Mrs. Grace is a special patient. Her son has donated forty million dollars to the hospital; he is expecting the best patient care for his mother. I’m just going to make sure she remains stable on the trip, because she shouldn’t be flying in this condition.” I give her the ‘that’s it’ look. It’s nothing more than that. I am going to take care of a patient and nothing else.
Nothing
, I scream at myself. She looks satisfied with the answer. I must be getting better with my poker face.
“I told Mary to call me if she needed help. I would be more than happy to help.” I realize she is disappointed she isn’t watching the kids.
“I’m sure Mary would like that.” I give her a hug and squeeze her tight.
“I would much rather you take the kids, Mom, but Richard jumped on the chance to have them.” I feel bad.
“No, it’s OK. Another time Hannah, another time.” She swipes my hair behind my ear and kisses my check.
“I have to get home to feed your father.” And with that she is
“Hannah, have you left yet?” I realize it’s Michele, and I blush. If she only knew what I was just doing.
“I’m in the car,” I say as I get in.
“OK. I just wanted to let you know that Grant gave me the itinerary for tomorrow. He scheduled a car to pick you up at home. It will be at your house at ten thirty.” I remember the flower delivery.
“Did you give him my info?” I snap back. I didn’t mean it to come out that mean.
“No, he already had everything, probably from Richard.” She pauses. Of course he does!
“Thanks, Michele. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I hang up before she responds. What have I gotten myself into this time? I lean against the steering wheel and bang my head once again.
You need to stop
, I tell myself. No more, no more anything with Aiden or Grant. The next time they get close, simply walk away. Yes, I can do that. I will just walk away. I make myself believe this.
I’m so fucked up
, I think as I pull out of the parking lot, but I can only smile and touch my swollen lips as I think about how Aiden’s were just on them.
CHAPTER TEN
I begin a packing list in my head as I drive home. I take inventory and think about the laundry I have to do. I pull into the driveway and sit for a minute. Why do I feel like I’m doing something wrong? I shouldn’t go…What am I going to tell the kids? What if they start crying and don’t want me to go? I’d have to call the hospital and tell Mrs. Grace I can’t go. Part of me is saddened by this and the other half is relieved. I’ll let them make the decision. I see them at the door so I get out of the truck.
“Mommy,” they both yell as the run toward me. I get my stance ready. They’re not so little anymore, and with both of them running, I know they can knock me over. I grab them both tightly, and I feel an ache in my heart. Maybe I shouldn’t go. I’ll miss them too much. Hunter grabs my face to get my attention.
“Mommy, Grandma called and she says you’re letting us spend the weekend at her house. She said we can go swimming and play with the dog and go to Chuck E. Cheese.” He is so excited.
“Mommy, Grandma said I can play dress up, and she will take me to the hair salon.” Ella is even more excited. I feel relieved. They are so happy to spend a weekend away from me. It shouldn’t hurt my feelings, but it does.
“I’m happy that you’re so excited.” I have to push the words out.
“Mommy, can I go and pack?” Ella looks at me, beaming with excitement.
“Yes, take the clothes out and lay them on your bed.” They both jump down and run back into the house. I follow behind them and watch as they run up the stairs. I walk into the kitchen, put my stuff down on the counter, and hear my mom sigh.
“So, Mary told me you are going away this weekend with a patient?” My mom doesn’t know what to make of this, and she is eyeing me.
“It’s not what you’re thinking, Mom.” I give her the teenage voice. “Mrs. Grace is a special patient. Her son has donated forty million dollars to the hospital; he is expecting the best patient care for his mother. I’m just going to make sure she remains stable on the trip, because she shouldn’t be flying in this condition.” I give her the ‘that’s it’ look. It’s nothing more than that. I am going to take care of a patient and nothing else.
Nothing
, I scream at myself. She looks satisfied with the answer. I must be getting better with my poker face.
“I told Mary to call me if she needed help. I would be more than happy to help.” I realize she is disappointed she isn’t watching the kids.
“I’m sure Mary would like that.” I give her a hug and squeeze her tight.
“I would much rather you take the kids, Mom, but Richard jumped on the chance to have them.” I feel bad.
“No, it’s OK. Another time Hannah, another time.” She swipes my hair behind my ear and kisses my check.
“I have to get home to feed your father.” And with that she is
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