and Raven fucking around.”
“So you’re not mad at me?”
“No.” He turned his head, looking at me quietly for a moment. He leaned in, his face moving close to mine. “You’ve been really distant since you found out Wil could be in trouble. I’ve been kind of a mess since then. I can’t really focus on anything when there’s a problem I want to fix.”
“It’s not yours to fix,” I said. I stared back at him, my eyes unable to focus on his while he was so close. My thoughts were all over the place, thinking of Corey and what Raven had said and also about what Axel had said and how I could put off my decision until later.
More important was the issue of my brother. “At first I wanted to just find him and ask Wil directly, but now...I don’t know. Now Brandon’s gone and we can’t keep an eye on Wil. Even when we get Brandon back, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
It felt strange to confess like this with my thoughts so jumbled. But the determination in Marc’s eyes drove me to answer him and I understood his desire to fix stuff. I usually felt the same way about problems. But I was a complicated mess, and I wasn’t his problem.
“You don’t need to worry about me,” I said. “Wil isn’t dead. He’s just lost. We just need to make sure he’s not in trouble. Once he’s found, I’ll get a normal job so you guys don’t have to keep me working with you. I’ll keep an eye on Wil and hopefully he’ll come back when he’s ready.”
He moved his hand and thunked me in the shoulder. “Stop that. It’s not like you’re a mooch. You’ve done more than your fair share of work around here. I’ve seen you scrape old wallpaper out in a few hours and move on to sand a floor. You’re wearing yourself out. And I don’t need you running off thinking you’ve got to stand on your own. Trust me, it won’t work like you think it will.”
I swallowed hard. Out of all the guys, he seemed to understand more than anyone that I couldn’t just stand still, and I didn’t know how to completely leave. But also that I had to prove I could, that I wasn’t mooching off of their kindness. “I can go,” I said firmly. “I mean it. If I’m sure Wil is okay, I’ll go and get out of your hair.”
“No,” he said. He lifted my hand again, putting it against his face and kissing the palm. Then he spoke into my hand. “Don’t. Please. Or if you do, I’ll go with you. You’re not mooching. If it’ll make you feel better, you can work with me on something other than house refurbishing. You wouldn’t feel so bad then if we’re working together. It makes a difference when you can see who you’re helping.”
“What do you mean? What kind of work?”
“Call me crazy, but unless you get that excited look in your eyes, you’re not happy,” he said, smirking against my hand. “I remember that glow you had after you did the bounty hunting thing in Florida. And you’ve got that excitement again now. I mean, outside of Brandon being in danger, you seem to need something more than a normal job. You’re a thrill-seeker and an adrenaline junkie. You’re as fucked up as we are. We need something like the Academy to keep us busy, or we go insane.”
I wanted to pretend that wasn’t the case, but it would have been a lie. I was worried about Wil, but I wasn’t the depressed type. I thought about Florida, and helping to find a little girl and her father and reunite them, and nothing has been the same since. Maybe it wasn’t just Wil disappearing that had changed me.
In a way, I was afraid to examine it too closely. I liked the guys, and perhaps even needed them right now, but I was hesitant to make too strong a connection. I felt they’d back away if I got too close. Alone was better for me.
He looked up over my shoulder and I turned to check out what he was looking at. The only thing I could see was Axel still talking to the lady.
Marc released my hand, and a moment later he grabbed me by the
“So you’re not mad at me?”
“No.” He turned his head, looking at me quietly for a moment. He leaned in, his face moving close to mine. “You’ve been really distant since you found out Wil could be in trouble. I’ve been kind of a mess since then. I can’t really focus on anything when there’s a problem I want to fix.”
“It’s not yours to fix,” I said. I stared back at him, my eyes unable to focus on his while he was so close. My thoughts were all over the place, thinking of Corey and what Raven had said and also about what Axel had said and how I could put off my decision until later.
More important was the issue of my brother. “At first I wanted to just find him and ask Wil directly, but now...I don’t know. Now Brandon’s gone and we can’t keep an eye on Wil. Even when we get Brandon back, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
It felt strange to confess like this with my thoughts so jumbled. But the determination in Marc’s eyes drove me to answer him and I understood his desire to fix stuff. I usually felt the same way about problems. But I was a complicated mess, and I wasn’t his problem.
“You don’t need to worry about me,” I said. “Wil isn’t dead. He’s just lost. We just need to make sure he’s not in trouble. Once he’s found, I’ll get a normal job so you guys don’t have to keep me working with you. I’ll keep an eye on Wil and hopefully he’ll come back when he’s ready.”
He moved his hand and thunked me in the shoulder. “Stop that. It’s not like you’re a mooch. You’ve done more than your fair share of work around here. I’ve seen you scrape old wallpaper out in a few hours and move on to sand a floor. You’re wearing yourself out. And I don’t need you running off thinking you’ve got to stand on your own. Trust me, it won’t work like you think it will.”
I swallowed hard. Out of all the guys, he seemed to understand more than anyone that I couldn’t just stand still, and I didn’t know how to completely leave. But also that I had to prove I could, that I wasn’t mooching off of their kindness. “I can go,” I said firmly. “I mean it. If I’m sure Wil is okay, I’ll go and get out of your hair.”
“No,” he said. He lifted my hand again, putting it against his face and kissing the palm. Then he spoke into my hand. “Don’t. Please. Or if you do, I’ll go with you. You’re not mooching. If it’ll make you feel better, you can work with me on something other than house refurbishing. You wouldn’t feel so bad then if we’re working together. It makes a difference when you can see who you’re helping.”
“What do you mean? What kind of work?”
“Call me crazy, but unless you get that excited look in your eyes, you’re not happy,” he said, smirking against my hand. “I remember that glow you had after you did the bounty hunting thing in Florida. And you’ve got that excitement again now. I mean, outside of Brandon being in danger, you seem to need something more than a normal job. You’re a thrill-seeker and an adrenaline junkie. You’re as fucked up as we are. We need something like the Academy to keep us busy, or we go insane.”
I wanted to pretend that wasn’t the case, but it would have been a lie. I was worried about Wil, but I wasn’t the depressed type. I thought about Florida, and helping to find a little girl and her father and reunite them, and nothing has been the same since. Maybe it wasn’t just Wil disappearing that had changed me.
In a way, I was afraid to examine it too closely. I liked the guys, and perhaps even needed them right now, but I was hesitant to make too strong a connection. I felt they’d back away if I got too close. Alone was better for me.
He looked up over my shoulder and I turned to check out what he was looking at. The only thing I could see was Axel still talking to the lady.
Marc released my hand, and a moment later he grabbed me by the
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