asked.
“Just the salad,” said Danny.
“Bullshit. You’re hungover because you’re massively dehydrated. You need calories.” Rory turned to Sharon. “Bring us one order of the Deep-Fried Pizza Squares, and two orders of the Deep-Fried Candy Bar Sampler for dessert. And bring Danny a basket of sweet-potato fries along with his testicles – er, I mean his salad .”
Sharon tapped a final note on her digital pad and left the table. She returned a few minutes later with the pina coladas.
“So, Rory,” she began, placing Rory’s drink on the table, “how come you never called? The invitation still stands, you know.”
“I know.”
Sharon placed Danny’s pina colada on the table. “Rory’s afraid of being with two women at the same time. He’s old fashioned that way. Isn’t it sweet?”
“It’s very sweet,” said Danny.
“So where’s Harley?” Sharon asked. “I figured she’d be with you.”
“I dunno, she wasn’t in her office this morning. But you might ask this guy, the king of the Purple Tequila.”
Sharon nodded. “I’ll bring you both another pina colada. On me.” Sharon smiled and departed.
“Cheers,” said Rory.
“Cheers.” Danny bumped his glass and they drank.
“Before we get too wasted, I have two questions for you,” said Rory. “Question one: how was your blind date the other night?”
“It was great.” Danny couldn’t help but grin. He glanced down at the small hump inside his pocket. His grin broadened into a wide smile.
“I should say so,” said Rory. “You like her?”
“I think so, yes. I think we had a connection.”
“And she likes you?”
Danny surreptitiously withdrew the black thong from his pocket. “She left these ”–he let them dangle from his fingers–“in an envelope on my windshield.”
Rory’s eyes widened and he grabbed for the thong.
Danny snatched it away. He balled it up into his hand, out of sight.
“Is that . . .?” Rory pointed at midair where the thong had been.
Danny nodded.
“That must’ve been one hell of a first date.”
“Actually we had two dates. But we had shuttle trouble on the second date so we had to cut it short. But I’m fairly confident she wants to go out again.”
“Who is she? Tell me about her.”
The waitress brought their food. Rory seized his burger with both hands and took two large bites, his teeth crunching through the crispy outer shell. He poured ketchup on the sweet potato fries and pushed the basket toward Danny. “You need carbs to rehydrate.” Speaking around his mouthful of Big Kahuna, it sounded like “You deeb arbs do ee high dray.”
Danny took a long fry. “Well, she’s tall. She’s blond. She’s gorgeous. And she’s smart. And funny.”
Rory swigged more pina colada. “Nice tits?”
“They’re perfect. Not that I’ve seen actually them.”
“Yet.” Rory held up his pina colada and they toasted once more. “What does she do?”
“She’s a psychologist.”
“Uh-oh.”
“What’s uh-oh?”
“Chicks who go into mental health professions often do so because they’re trying to figure themselves out. But it also means they tend to be really wild in bed. It’s a double-edged sword.”
“She did ask if I wanted our second date to be a trip to Las Vegas to get married.”
“You just proved my point.” Rory took another huge bite of his burger. “Either it’s love at first sight because you two are fated to be together forever, because you’re soul mates, or she’s completely fuckin’ nuts. Take Harley, for example. You do remember Harley, right? The woman you met last night?”
“Yes, I remember her.”
“Harley is crazy. She rides motorcycles, does triathlons, gets up at five a.m. and goes to the gym, this morning notwithstanding, apparently. She likes to go shopping for expensive lingerie, which she then wears under her clothes to a football game. She likes guy stuff, but she’ll also throw you down and blindfold you and ride you until
“Just the salad,” said Danny.
“Bullshit. You’re hungover because you’re massively dehydrated. You need calories.” Rory turned to Sharon. “Bring us one order of the Deep-Fried Pizza Squares, and two orders of the Deep-Fried Candy Bar Sampler for dessert. And bring Danny a basket of sweet-potato fries along with his testicles – er, I mean his salad .”
Sharon tapped a final note on her digital pad and left the table. She returned a few minutes later with the pina coladas.
“So, Rory,” she began, placing Rory’s drink on the table, “how come you never called? The invitation still stands, you know.”
“I know.”
Sharon placed Danny’s pina colada on the table. “Rory’s afraid of being with two women at the same time. He’s old fashioned that way. Isn’t it sweet?”
“It’s very sweet,” said Danny.
“So where’s Harley?” Sharon asked. “I figured she’d be with you.”
“I dunno, she wasn’t in her office this morning. But you might ask this guy, the king of the Purple Tequila.”
Sharon nodded. “I’ll bring you both another pina colada. On me.” Sharon smiled and departed.
“Cheers,” said Rory.
“Cheers.” Danny bumped his glass and they drank.
“Before we get too wasted, I have two questions for you,” said Rory. “Question one: how was your blind date the other night?”
“It was great.” Danny couldn’t help but grin. He glanced down at the small hump inside his pocket. His grin broadened into a wide smile.
“I should say so,” said Rory. “You like her?”
“I think so, yes. I think we had a connection.”
“And she likes you?”
Danny surreptitiously withdrew the black thong from his pocket. “She left these ”–he let them dangle from his fingers–“in an envelope on my windshield.”
Rory’s eyes widened and he grabbed for the thong.
Danny snatched it away. He balled it up into his hand, out of sight.
“Is that . . .?” Rory pointed at midair where the thong had been.
Danny nodded.
“That must’ve been one hell of a first date.”
“Actually we had two dates. But we had shuttle trouble on the second date so we had to cut it short. But I’m fairly confident she wants to go out again.”
“Who is she? Tell me about her.”
The waitress brought their food. Rory seized his burger with both hands and took two large bites, his teeth crunching through the crispy outer shell. He poured ketchup on the sweet potato fries and pushed the basket toward Danny. “You need carbs to rehydrate.” Speaking around his mouthful of Big Kahuna, it sounded like “You deeb arbs do ee high dray.”
Danny took a long fry. “Well, she’s tall. She’s blond. She’s gorgeous. And she’s smart. And funny.”
Rory swigged more pina colada. “Nice tits?”
“They’re perfect. Not that I’ve seen actually them.”
“Yet.” Rory held up his pina colada and they toasted once more. “What does she do?”
“She’s a psychologist.”
“Uh-oh.”
“What’s uh-oh?”
“Chicks who go into mental health professions often do so because they’re trying to figure themselves out. But it also means they tend to be really wild in bed. It’s a double-edged sword.”
“She did ask if I wanted our second date to be a trip to Las Vegas to get married.”
“You just proved my point.” Rory took another huge bite of his burger. “Either it’s love at first sight because you two are fated to be together forever, because you’re soul mates, or she’s completely fuckin’ nuts. Take Harley, for example. You do remember Harley, right? The woman you met last night?”
“Yes, I remember her.”
“Harley is crazy. She rides motorcycles, does triathlons, gets up at five a.m. and goes to the gym, this morning notwithstanding, apparently. She likes to go shopping for expensive lingerie, which she then wears under her clothes to a football game. She likes guy stuff, but she’ll also throw you down and blindfold you and ride you until
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