Extreme Bachelor by Julia London

it was a convenient excuse.”
    “A convenient and a completely whacked-out
excuse, you mean,” she said, no longer smiling. Frankly, she was
seething. “So you basically forced me into this lunch, forced me to
hear you out, and you hand me this crap?” She pushed aside her
plate. “Thanks, Michael,” she said cheerfully. “Thanks for that
laugh and clearing everything up for me. Now if you will excuse me,
I am going to go and run a few errands before the afternoon
session.”
    She stood up. “Oh, by the way . . . I don’t
know if you said all that to try and make yourself feel better, or
if you really think I am that gullible, or better yet, that I even
give a shit after all this time, but that was the best line I have
ever heard. And I can’t wait to share.” She marched off in the
direction of Trudy’s table before he could respond.
    She could not wait to tell them that her
extreme ex-boyfriend claimed to have dumped her because he was a
big world spy.
    Oh God, what a laugh.
     
     
    Subject: You will DIE
    From: Leah Kleinschmidt

    To: Lucy Frederick

    Time: 11:01 pm
     
    When you hear this, you will fall out of
your chair laughing and David will have to resuscitate you. So Mr.
Extreme Bachelor corners me and makes me have lunch with him today
to tell me that the big reason he broke up with me was because he
was . . . drum roll, please . . . a CIA SPY.
    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!
     
     
    Subject: Re: You will DIE
    From: Lucy Frederick

    To: Leah Kleinschmidt

    Time: 7:30 am
     
    NO WAY!!! I don’t believe you! No man is
that stupid. Well, except for Dick Dimarco, remember him? Anyway, I
am shocked and dismayed. Altho, come to think of it, it might
explain why no one ever saw or heard from him again . . . I always
did think that was sort of strange. It seems like SOMEone would
have run into him or heard from him, but I gotta tell you, I saw
Jerry, Joey . . . whatever his name was, the guy that was always
hanging out with Michael and that guy Rex? Anyway, I ran into him
at a party a couple of years ago, and when I asked him if he ever
heard from Michael anymore, he got this really strange look on his
face and said no, that no one did, that he was out of commission.
What did THAT mean? It’s just weird, that’s all I am saying.
     
    So okay, I decided against puce. I am now
looking into gold. Is gold okay? You didn’t seem very excited about
puce.
     
     
    Subject: Favor
    From: Michael

    To: Jack

    Time: 4:00 pm
     
    Do me a favor, will you? I need you to
corroborate my time in the agency. No details, just confirm that’s
what I did. Would you just find a time and mention it to Yang? No
big, but would appreciate.

Chapter Seven
     
     
    LUNCH really hadn’t gone as Michael had
envisioned. But what had he expected, really? That she’d feel sorry
for him? No, she just thought he was nuts. Or worse, a sleazy
liar.
    Unfortunately, Leah could be stubborn at
times and refuse to listen to reason . . . but did she really have
to tell her pals?
    It wasn’t long before everyone in boot camp
was making cracks about James Bond, Double-Oh-Seven, and for some
real laughs, Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery.
    If that wasn’t bad enough, some of the
production office guys had heard that some of the soccer moms were
hot and had started hanging around boot camp. When they started
giving him shit—asking if he’d found Dr. Evil, if that was Mini-Me
in his pants—Michael had had enough. Every time he walked by Miss
Kleinschmidt, she was laughing with about a dozen of her closest
friends.
    It was time to trot out his corroborator,
whether Jack wanted to be trotted out or not.
    “Hey, you know it’s a rule that we don’t get
involved with any of your women problems,” Jack cheerfully rebuffed
him the next morning when Michael demanded his