Everything I Know About Love I Learned From Romance Novels by Sarah Wendell

obviously loving heroines talking to other men. It’s not sexy. It’s scary.
    “Let me say it again. TRUST your partner. If you can’t, this is probably not going to work.”
    Author Alexis Harrington has a working model for creating a romance hero: “A hero doesn’t need to be perfect—I’d rather have a man with human frailties and self-doubts. But despite his imperfections, he must have a NOBILITY OF SPIRIT that gives him the ability to recognize his own flaws, to see the good in others, and ultimately, to do the right thing, regardless of the cost to himself.”
    Eloisa James,
New York Times
bestselling author of more than eighteen novels, points out that the courtship isn’t always the most difficult or emotionally challenging part of a relationship: “I think marriage is really tough—it’s one of the reasons that I don’t write romances that end at the altar. And very often people need to learn those rules of conduct while married, rather than before. So I think that partners need to be thoughtful, empathetic (i.e., able to imagine what the other person is thinking), sensuous (interested in pleasure—the frequency or athleticism of the event is not important), and loving. The last is probably most important. It’s actually not all that easy to learn to be loving—to take care of the other person, to think of them, to love them. It’s a lot easier to get irritated. So I’ll add patience. I certainly have learned a lot about patience as a married person.
    “Finally, you have to be FAITHFUL . Unfaithfulness—emotional or physical—destroys a relationship.” And that’s true in or out of a romance novel—but you knew that, right? Of course you did.”
    Teresa Medeiros has very specific ideas about the rules of conduct for a hero or heroine, and she defines the lines they absolutely cannot cross—lines that work both in fiction and in reality:
A romance hero or heroine might end up in a battle of wit and wills with their partner but they would never ever emotionally demean or physically abuse them.
They’re more likely to find the beauty in their partner that the rest of the world may have missed.
They’re also faithful. From the first moment their gazes meet, they don’t have eyes for anyone else.
And a romance heroine doesn’t just stand by her man. She stands up to him! And he adores and respects her even more for having the courage to do so.
A romance hero must always be willing to rush into a burning building to save a basket of kittens.
    Christina Dodd says that romance protagonists can get away with doing just about anything so long as there’s a good reason: heroes and heroines “get to have a different code of conduct than the rest of us, i.e., they can do crummy things as long as they do them for an honorable cause.
    “For instance, in
The Barefoot Princess
, an historical romance, Princess Amy kidnaps Jermyn Edmondson, marquess of Northcliff, and chains him in her basement because she believes he had destroyed the livelihood of her village (and because he was the lord of the land and he’d thoughtlessly turned over the stewardship to his wicked uncle, he was ultimately responsible). The action is reprehensible. The reason is honorable. It’s a simple plan, destined to succeed—except that Uncle Harrison is Jermyn’s heir and he would be delighted if someone killed his nephew and left him with the title and fortune, and Jermyn is handsome, arrogant, and a little cranky with Amy for manacling him.”
    Kresley Cole says that to construct the ideal hero and heroine, the trust and respect are obvious and required, but “they also need A SHARED SENSE OF HUMOR to have a chance at a lasting HEA. I believe humor is a buffer against the everyday aggravations that can wear on a relationship. If I read a scene with the hero and heroine laughing together, then I feel much more confident about their HEA.”
    Suddenly, she twirled around and brushed a sizzling kiss on his cheek. His eyes