Everything I Know About Love I Learned From Romance Novels by Sarah Wendell Page B

don’t like it when the hero falls in love because of beauty. I want the heroes to love the heroines for a core part of their personalities. For instance, the reason Rupert from
Mr. Impossible
by Loretta Chase is my favorite historical romance hero is because of how he loves Daphne’s intelligence. (And Daphne is one of my favorites because she has that intelligence.) But he never once wanted her to be stupid, but rather wanted her to be as smart as she could, as she was.”
    Ultimately, romance novels aren’t about the heroic ideal, or individuals who are so perfect, real humanity can’t measure up. Certainly some portions of the novels and the characters within them are idealized, but really, the pairing of the protagonists is what matters. They are not perfect, but perfect for one another. They are made up of characteristics highlighted here that just about anyone can acquire and demonstrate—if not all, then many of them. Not being a complete douchecanoe is the first step in being your own ideal romance hero or heroine—and it’s absolutely an attainable ideal.
    And when ideal matches meet, many Good Things can happen.
    “He never once wanted her to be stupid, but rather wanted her to be as smart as she could, as she was.”— ORANGEHANDS, A READER, ON LORETTA CHASE’S
MR. IMPOSSIBLE

We Know Good Sex

    Just as the average romance heroine doesn’t sit around filing her nails and looking pretty, waiting for her hero to ride in and sweep her away to connubial bliss, so it is with sex. Sitting there does nothing. If you just lie there and wait for it, it won’t be very satisfying.
    Sex in a romance novel is a tricky subject, but let me make one thing quite clear: sex depictions in romance novels have changed drastically, and the rapetastic romances are things of the past, thank heaven and all available orgasms. In romances published today, not only is the sexuality a variable part of the plot—some books feature mere kisses, and some feature acts of kinky you might never have heard of in your life that may possibly defy laws of gravity and physics—but both parties participate in making sure the sexuality is fantastic for all involved.
    I’ll be frank (ha!) and get the negative out of the way first: part of the problem with romance novel sex is that it is so impossibly perfect, so incredibly over-the-top wonderful, that real sex can seem messy and awkward in comparison sometimes. This is likely because real sex is sometimes awkward and messy.
    This is one thing I don’t understand about pornography, and yes, I’ve seen some (and no, it wasn’t a romance novel). Two people having sex? Weird looking. How is this attractive or alluring? Let’s not kid ourselves. Sexual intercourse is not the sensuously choreographed ballet as old as time. Sometimes it is the elbows-and-ouch-you’re-on-my-hair as old as time.
    Yet sexuality is an enduring part of the romance genre, and one of the reasons it takes so much crap from people who don’t read it or understand it. Courtship is based in part on sexual attraction, and the exploration of that sexual attraction can add to the already increasing tension between the protagonists.
    But in a romance novel, sex is often more than “just sex.” Sex in a romance novel is a climax of many parts. It’s the physical climax of the protagonists, plus sometimes it’s the emotional climax of their attraction to each other, and the pinnacle or start of many more problems for them both. Sex never solves anything in a romance novel—if anything, it makes things more complicated.
    In other words,
of course
there is sex in romance. Courtship and the relationships that follow are sexual in nature!
    Sex is important, too, because it is a very common expression of intimacy. One of the first determinations in many states when a couple petitions for a divorce is whether they’ve had sexual relations within a certain amount of time, say six months or a year, because that sex indicates