silence back to the
rental bus, which already was surrounded by students milling around, most of
them with shopping bags or sodas in hand.
Lucas swung into the seat beside me, like he was still hoping we'd talk, but I folded
my arms across my chest and stared at the window. Vic bounced into the seat in
front of us and crowed, "Yo, guys, what's up?" Then he got a look at
our faces. "Hey, looks like it might be a good time for me to tell one of
my long rambling stories that goes nowhere."
"Great plan," Lucas said shortly.
True to his word, Vic went on and on about surfboards and bands and weird
dreams he'd had once upon a time, and he didn't stop talking until we were back
at school. That saved me from having to talk to Lucas; and, for his part, Lucas
didn't say anything at all.
Chapter Six
After the trip to riverton, I felt like A fool who had
thrown Lucas away for nothing.
Those construction workers had been drinking. Plus, there were four of them and
only one of him. Maybe Lucas had needed to show them he meant business to avoid
getting beaten to a pulp. If he'd done the only thing he could, what right did
I have to judge him?
"No way," Raquel said when I confided in her the next day, walking
across the grounds. The leaves had finished changing color, so that the hills
in the distance were no longer green but crimson and gold. "If a guy gets
violent, you get out. Period. Be thankful you saw his temper in action before
you were the one he was angry at."
Her vehemence startled me. "You sound like you know what you're talking
about."
"What, you never watched a Lifetime Original Movie?" Raquel didn't
meet my eyes, just fiddled with the braided leather bracelet on her wrist.
"Everybody knows that. Men who hit are bad men."
"I know he overreacted. But there's no way Lucas could ever hurt me."
Raquel shrugged and pulled her school blazer more tightly around her, as if she
felt a chill, though it wasn't that cold out. For the first time, I wondered
how much of her quiet demeanor and boyish appearance were a means of hiding
herself from attention she didn't want. "Nobody ever thinks that something
bad can happen until it happens. Besides, he kept telling you how much
everybody here sucked and how you shouldn't be friends with your roommate or
just about anybody else, right?"
"Well…yeah, but—"
"But nothing. Lucas was trying to isolate you from everyone else so he'd
have more power over you." Raquel shook her head. "You're better off
without him."
I knew she was wrong about Lucas, but I also knew that I hadn't come close to
figuring him out.
Why had Lucas started criticizing my parents? The only time he'd ever seen us
all together was at the movie theater, and they'd been friendly and welcoming.
He'd claimed that it was about my halfhearted attempt to run away on the first
day of school, but I didn't know if I entirely believed that. If he had a
problem with Mom and Dad, he'd obviously dreamed it up for some bizarre
paranoid reason that I was better off not having to deal with.
Explanations invented themselves in my head. Perhaps he'd had some girlfriend
before me—probably chic and sophisticated, a girl who had traveled all around
the world—and her parents had been snobbish and unfair. They'd shut Lucas out,
maybe had forbidden him to ever see their daughter again, and so now he was
scarred and distrustful.
This imagined story did me absolutely no good whatsoever. First of all, it made
me feel sorry for Lucas, like I understood why he'd behaved so strangely, when
really I didn't. Also, I felt insecure compared to this theoretical
sophisticated previous girlfriend—and how sad is it if you feel threatened by a
person who doesn't even exist?
I don't think I'd realized just how important Lucas had become to me until
then—until we were separated and I had real reasons for staying away from him.
Chemistry class, the only one we shared, was an hour of torture every day; I could
almost feel him near me, the way
rental bus, which already was surrounded by students milling around, most of
them with shopping bags or sodas in hand.
Lucas swung into the seat beside me, like he was still hoping we'd talk, but I folded
my arms across my chest and stared at the window. Vic bounced into the seat in
front of us and crowed, "Yo, guys, what's up?" Then he got a look at
our faces. "Hey, looks like it might be a good time for me to tell one of
my long rambling stories that goes nowhere."
"Great plan," Lucas said shortly.
True to his word, Vic went on and on about surfboards and bands and weird
dreams he'd had once upon a time, and he didn't stop talking until we were back
at school. That saved me from having to talk to Lucas; and, for his part, Lucas
didn't say anything at all.
Chapter Six
After the trip to riverton, I felt like A fool who had
thrown Lucas away for nothing.
Those construction workers had been drinking. Plus, there were four of them and
only one of him. Maybe Lucas had needed to show them he meant business to avoid
getting beaten to a pulp. If he'd done the only thing he could, what right did
I have to judge him?
"No way," Raquel said when I confided in her the next day, walking
across the grounds. The leaves had finished changing color, so that the hills
in the distance were no longer green but crimson and gold. "If a guy gets
violent, you get out. Period. Be thankful you saw his temper in action before
you were the one he was angry at."
Her vehemence startled me. "You sound like you know what you're talking
about."
"What, you never watched a Lifetime Original Movie?" Raquel didn't
meet my eyes, just fiddled with the braided leather bracelet on her wrist.
"Everybody knows that. Men who hit are bad men."
"I know he overreacted. But there's no way Lucas could ever hurt me."
Raquel shrugged and pulled her school blazer more tightly around her, as if she
felt a chill, though it wasn't that cold out. For the first time, I wondered
how much of her quiet demeanor and boyish appearance were a means of hiding
herself from attention she didn't want. "Nobody ever thinks that something
bad can happen until it happens. Besides, he kept telling you how much
everybody here sucked and how you shouldn't be friends with your roommate or
just about anybody else, right?"
"Well…yeah, but—"
"But nothing. Lucas was trying to isolate you from everyone else so he'd
have more power over you." Raquel shook her head. "You're better off
without him."
I knew she was wrong about Lucas, but I also knew that I hadn't come close to
figuring him out.
Why had Lucas started criticizing my parents? The only time he'd ever seen us
all together was at the movie theater, and they'd been friendly and welcoming.
He'd claimed that it was about my halfhearted attempt to run away on the first
day of school, but I didn't know if I entirely believed that. If he had a
problem with Mom and Dad, he'd obviously dreamed it up for some bizarre
paranoid reason that I was better off not having to deal with.
Explanations invented themselves in my head. Perhaps he'd had some girlfriend
before me—probably chic and sophisticated, a girl who had traveled all around
the world—and her parents had been snobbish and unfair. They'd shut Lucas out,
maybe had forbidden him to ever see their daughter again, and so now he was
scarred and distrustful.
This imagined story did me absolutely no good whatsoever. First of all, it made
me feel sorry for Lucas, like I understood why he'd behaved so strangely, when
really I didn't. Also, I felt insecure compared to this theoretical
sophisticated previous girlfriend—and how sad is it if you feel threatened by a
person who doesn't even exist?
I don't think I'd realized just how important Lucas had become to me until
then—until we were separated and I had real reasons for staying away from him.
Chemistry class, the only one we shared, was an hour of torture every day; I could
almost feel him near me, the way
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