like.
He still had one hand against my cheek, but the other was at my hip. He held it completely still, but it still felt like it was burning hot—in a good way. In general, it all felt good, and I wanted to remember it like that. So I put my hands on his shoulders and took a step back.
Roach immediately stopped moving all together. “You okay?” he asked.
“Yes,” I laughed and opened my eyes. “Thank you.”
He studied me. “Sure you’re okay?”
“Absolutely. I just… I wanted to stop while I still was.”
“Good,” he said and finally smiled a little and let go of my hip. “I hope I don’t have any revealing lipstick around my mouth.”
“No.” I laughed again. It was a part of the awesome feeling that I had that laughter bubbling up inside me. It had been a while since I’d felt that, and I’d missed it. “I haven’t used lipstick since… Think I might again.”
“Maybe you should,” he said and sat back down on the chair.
“Maybe I should,” I agreed.
“Get back to work, Princess. I only agreed to this job because of you.”
I sat down on the chair next to him and looked at him.
“I know it never happened—”
“It didn’t.”
“—but thank you.”
“If something had happened, I’d say you’re welcome,” he said with a smile.
My lips tingled for quite a long time, but it eventually disappeared. Not long after that, we were back to talking just like we always did, and I was relieved. Nothing funny going on at all, and it really was as if it hadn’t happened, and I hoped it would continue to be like that. I had wanted to feel what a good kiss could be like, and he really was the only one I could stand touching that I also could imagine kissing; that wasn’t just something I’d said. At the same time, it definitely wasn’t because I wanted to keep kissing him, and I knew he’d understand.
It was also about knowing if someone who knew the truth would want to kiss me, and he knew more than most did, so that was encouraging, too. That didn’t mean I wanted to kiss him again, because I didn’t. So as annoying as his ‘this will never happen again’ speech had been, it was what I wanted, too. As grateful as I was, I didn’t want him to think there was more to it, or that he was free to try for another one. That was probably another reason why I’d picked him. I could try, and he wouldn’t think it meant something it didn’t. He got it. Just like he got the rest of what I told him. And, lately, I’d started to understand why he got things, and why I liked him.
I looked at him again. “Do you know why I like being with you?”
“Because I do stupid shit for you all the fucking time?” he muttered.
“No,” I laughed. “I like being with you because you’re never looking for the old me.”
“What?” he asked and turned his head towards me.
“The others try to hide it, but when I do things or act like I used to, they give me that there-you-are smile. You never do that, because you didn’t know me then. It’s a relief. Somehow, it makes it easier to let the old me out, because it doesn’t become a thing.” I looked down at the table. “Just thought you should know.”
“The old you, is that the bratty, annoying version of you?” he asked, and when my head flew up, he laughed.
“You’re an ass. But, yes, I guess so. I used to try to be alluring and mysterious around guys. You know, to try to be sexy,” I admitted with a laugh. “It never worked. My real personality just bubbled through and I was all over the place. I always wanted to be like Vi.”
“Why?” he asked, and he sounded extremely surprised.
“She’s… I don’t know. Feminine, soft, talks in a low voice, and is just sweet. I always feel clumsy and like a rowdy explosion next to her. But I can’t be like that.”
“You wanna be like Vi, Mac’s wife? The one who doesn’t talk?”
“What?” I asked and looked at him. “She’s nice.”
“I admit, you kind of got on
He still had one hand against my cheek, but the other was at my hip. He held it completely still, but it still felt like it was burning hot—in a good way. In general, it all felt good, and I wanted to remember it like that. So I put my hands on his shoulders and took a step back.
Roach immediately stopped moving all together. “You okay?” he asked.
“Yes,” I laughed and opened my eyes. “Thank you.”
He studied me. “Sure you’re okay?”
“Absolutely. I just… I wanted to stop while I still was.”
“Good,” he said and finally smiled a little and let go of my hip. “I hope I don’t have any revealing lipstick around my mouth.”
“No.” I laughed again. It was a part of the awesome feeling that I had that laughter bubbling up inside me. It had been a while since I’d felt that, and I’d missed it. “I haven’t used lipstick since… Think I might again.”
“Maybe you should,” he said and sat back down on the chair.
“Maybe I should,” I agreed.
“Get back to work, Princess. I only agreed to this job because of you.”
I sat down on the chair next to him and looked at him.
“I know it never happened—”
“It didn’t.”
“—but thank you.”
“If something had happened, I’d say you’re welcome,” he said with a smile.
My lips tingled for quite a long time, but it eventually disappeared. Not long after that, we were back to talking just like we always did, and I was relieved. Nothing funny going on at all, and it really was as if it hadn’t happened, and I hoped it would continue to be like that. I had wanted to feel what a good kiss could be like, and he really was the only one I could stand touching that I also could imagine kissing; that wasn’t just something I’d said. At the same time, it definitely wasn’t because I wanted to keep kissing him, and I knew he’d understand.
It was also about knowing if someone who knew the truth would want to kiss me, and he knew more than most did, so that was encouraging, too. That didn’t mean I wanted to kiss him again, because I didn’t. So as annoying as his ‘this will never happen again’ speech had been, it was what I wanted, too. As grateful as I was, I didn’t want him to think there was more to it, or that he was free to try for another one. That was probably another reason why I’d picked him. I could try, and he wouldn’t think it meant something it didn’t. He got it. Just like he got the rest of what I told him. And, lately, I’d started to understand why he got things, and why I liked him.
I looked at him again. “Do you know why I like being with you?”
“Because I do stupid shit for you all the fucking time?” he muttered.
“No,” I laughed. “I like being with you because you’re never looking for the old me.”
“What?” he asked and turned his head towards me.
“The others try to hide it, but when I do things or act like I used to, they give me that there-you-are smile. You never do that, because you didn’t know me then. It’s a relief. Somehow, it makes it easier to let the old me out, because it doesn’t become a thing.” I looked down at the table. “Just thought you should know.”
“The old you, is that the bratty, annoying version of you?” he asked, and when my head flew up, he laughed.
“You’re an ass. But, yes, I guess so. I used to try to be alluring and mysterious around guys. You know, to try to be sexy,” I admitted with a laugh. “It never worked. My real personality just bubbled through and I was all over the place. I always wanted to be like Vi.”
“Why?” he asked, and he sounded extremely surprised.
“She’s… I don’t know. Feminine, soft, talks in a low voice, and is just sweet. I always feel clumsy and like a rowdy explosion next to her. But I can’t be like that.”
“You wanna be like Vi, Mac’s wife? The one who doesn’t talk?”
“What?” I asked and looked at him. “She’s nice.”
“I admit, you kind of got on
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