and the twinge of condescension in his voice made the bile rise in my throat. Of course I fucking knew why he had to do it, why he needed to make out with little Suzy Geek in the band room: because I had a cock. That didn’t make it any fucking easier, and that was exactly what I told him.
“Maybe you’ll just decide that it’s easier to be with her,” I commented, tracing the geometric pattern on my sheets with my index finger. “She’s the right gender, has the right family, goes to the right church, and apparently has the right lips.”
“You’re right; it would be easier to be with her. There’s one major flaw in that plan however,” he said, pausing for just a second as he grabbed my hand. My heart nearly stopped as I waited for him to tell me the argument that would cause it to start beating again. “She’s not the one that I’m in love with.” My eyes met his as I realized the full impact of his admission. He was in love with me. Jamie had just told me that he loved me. For a long moment, I looked into his face, too shocked to speak, not even daring to breathe. But I found my voice.
“What?”
“I love you, Brian. The look on your face when you saw me with her, that horrible shocked, devastated look… it broke my heart. I almost told her then that it was over, but it wouldn’t have done either of us any good. She was already starting to get suspicious. That would have just sealed it for her.”
I wanted to tell him it didn’t matter, that we couldn’t be together anyway. We’d always have to hide, and he’d always have to lie and live in fear with me. I wanted to tell him that maybe it wasn’t worth it, that we couldn’t possibly hold this together. But I couldn’t, because it would have been a lie.
“I love you too, Jamie.” I had for what felt like my whole life, because really, my life hadn’t started until I came to the Schreibers. Although we had grown up together and shared the love of friends, it had grown into something more, something so much stronger. I leaned forward, wishing nothing more than to seal the momentous occasion with a kiss, but it occurred to me that I hadn’t brushed my teeth since the day before. Just before our lips met, I clamped my hand over my mouth and jumped off the bed. Brushing my teeth and hair quickly in the bathroom across the hall, I returned within minutes to find Jamie absolutely cracking up on my bed.
“I thought you were going to be sick for a minute,” he laughed, trying to catch his breath. “Then I hear the water and the sounds of you brushing your teeth. So much for the perfect moment.” As I sat on the bed next to him, he leaned forward and captured my lips with his own. We weren’t wound around each other like we normally were when we kissed for the physical pleasure of it. The feeling of his hand wrapped around mine, that simple innocent gesture, was so perfect. Soft, tender kisses chased one another as we moved closer to each other, reveling in our closeness.
It wasn’t about sex.
It was about love.
Chapter 7
“ B RIAN , I’m not sure this is such a good idea,” Jamie whispered as we climbed the stairs, walking right past my bedroom to Richard’s study. I could feel his hand sweating in mine as I held it. It was one of the few times that we were able to get away with that kind of affection because Richard and Carolyn weren’t home. Carolyn was likely out socializing like a good doctor’s wife, and Richard was at work. We wouldn’t have much time alone, but it would be enough.
“This was your idea, Jamie,” I told him, laughing quietly as I pushed open the door and walked over to the computer. Peeking quickly out of the window for cars pulling into the drive, I pulled him closer, down onto the arm of the office chair, and wrapped one arm around his hip.
“I know it was, but this is dangerous.” Looking down, he put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “If anyone walks in….”
“We’ll look quickly so
“Maybe you’ll just decide that it’s easier to be with her,” I commented, tracing the geometric pattern on my sheets with my index finger. “She’s the right gender, has the right family, goes to the right church, and apparently has the right lips.”
“You’re right; it would be easier to be with her. There’s one major flaw in that plan however,” he said, pausing for just a second as he grabbed my hand. My heart nearly stopped as I waited for him to tell me the argument that would cause it to start beating again. “She’s not the one that I’m in love with.” My eyes met his as I realized the full impact of his admission. He was in love with me. Jamie had just told me that he loved me. For a long moment, I looked into his face, too shocked to speak, not even daring to breathe. But I found my voice.
“What?”
“I love you, Brian. The look on your face when you saw me with her, that horrible shocked, devastated look… it broke my heart. I almost told her then that it was over, but it wouldn’t have done either of us any good. She was already starting to get suspicious. That would have just sealed it for her.”
I wanted to tell him it didn’t matter, that we couldn’t be together anyway. We’d always have to hide, and he’d always have to lie and live in fear with me. I wanted to tell him that maybe it wasn’t worth it, that we couldn’t possibly hold this together. But I couldn’t, because it would have been a lie.
“I love you too, Jamie.” I had for what felt like my whole life, because really, my life hadn’t started until I came to the Schreibers. Although we had grown up together and shared the love of friends, it had grown into something more, something so much stronger. I leaned forward, wishing nothing more than to seal the momentous occasion with a kiss, but it occurred to me that I hadn’t brushed my teeth since the day before. Just before our lips met, I clamped my hand over my mouth and jumped off the bed. Brushing my teeth and hair quickly in the bathroom across the hall, I returned within minutes to find Jamie absolutely cracking up on my bed.
“I thought you were going to be sick for a minute,” he laughed, trying to catch his breath. “Then I hear the water and the sounds of you brushing your teeth. So much for the perfect moment.” As I sat on the bed next to him, he leaned forward and captured my lips with his own. We weren’t wound around each other like we normally were when we kissed for the physical pleasure of it. The feeling of his hand wrapped around mine, that simple innocent gesture, was so perfect. Soft, tender kisses chased one another as we moved closer to each other, reveling in our closeness.
It wasn’t about sex.
It was about love.
Chapter 7
“ B RIAN , I’m not sure this is such a good idea,” Jamie whispered as we climbed the stairs, walking right past my bedroom to Richard’s study. I could feel his hand sweating in mine as I held it. It was one of the few times that we were able to get away with that kind of affection because Richard and Carolyn weren’t home. Carolyn was likely out socializing like a good doctor’s wife, and Richard was at work. We wouldn’t have much time alone, but it would be enough.
“This was your idea, Jamie,” I told him, laughing quietly as I pushed open the door and walked over to the computer. Peeking quickly out of the window for cars pulling into the drive, I pulled him closer, down onto the arm of the office chair, and wrapped one arm around his hip.
“I know it was, but this is dangerous.” Looking down, he put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “If anyone walks in….”
“We’ll look quickly so
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