studio, cropping an enlargement. Mama was knitting on the couch. Saul walked in the door with an envelope. He said he would like to talk to me a minute.
“Why, surely,” I said.
Already I felt uneasy.
I followed him up the stairs to his room. Our room, it was now. I sat on the sleigh bed. He started walking back and forth, slapping the envelope against one palm. “Listen to what I’m going to say,” he told me. I swallowed and sat up straighter.
“All along,” he said, “I’ve been wondering why things are working out like this. Finding
you
, I mean, just at this point in my life. Oh, I did plan that when I got out of the Army I’d like a wife and home. But first I had to make a living. So that day when you opened the door, and wore that faded soft sweater—well, why
now?
I wanted to know. When I’ve got no means to support her and nothing steady to offer. Couldn’t this have waited? Then I tried believing I should let you pass by, but it wasn’t possible. Well, now I have the answer, Charlotte. I know what it’s all about.”
He stopped pacing, and turned and smiled down at me. I felt more puzzled than ever. I said, “You do?”
“Charlotte,” Saul said, “I’ve been called to preach.”
“Been—
what?”
“Don’t you see? That’s what it was. If I hadn’t met you I wouldn’t have gone back to Holy Basis Church, I might never have known what I was supposed to do. Now it’s plain.”
Well. I was so stunned I couldn’t even take in air. I mean I just wasn’t prepared for this, nothing that had happened up till now had given me the faintest inkling. I said, “But … but, Saul …”
“Let me tell you how it came about,” he said. “Rememberthat Sunday I helped pack the hymnbooks? I carried a box to the basement. I passed the preschool room where I used to stay when I was a kid. Had its same old blue linoleum and those pipes they were always telling us not to swing on. Then I heard this song: me and my three brothers singing ‘Love Lifted Me.’ I swear it. Do you believe me? Our identical voices, I couldn’t mistake them. I just stood there with my mouth open. I even heard that lisp of Julian’s he lost when his second teeth came in. We sang two lines and got fainter on the third and then drifted off, still singing.”
“Well, wait,” I said. “The four of you
together?
In the preschool room? Surely that never happened, there’s too much difference in your ages.”
“This is not all that logical,” Saul told me.
“No, it certainly isn’t,” I said.
“Reverend Davitt felt it was an experience of a religious nature.”
I didn’t like the way he phrased it. Certain parts of him suddenly began to seem preacherly—even his bone structure, the echo in his voice, the tranquil gaze that could also be viewed as complacent, I saw now. Why hadn’t I noticed before? I’d been too busy gathering other messages, that’s why. I hadn’t even had a warning twinge.
Still, I held out. “But listen, Saul,” I said. “Maybe it was leftover sound waves or something, have you thought of that?”
“He felt it might be a call to preach. We had several talks about it,” Saul said.
I watched him open the envelope, with long brown fingers that could easily be pictured turning the pages of a Bible. Although I didn’t believe in God, I could almost change my mind now and imagine one, for who else would play such a joke on me? The only place more closed-in than this house was a church. The only person odder than my mother was a hellfire preacher. I nearly laughed. I took a mild, amused interest in the sheet of paper he pulled from the envelope.
“This is what came in the mail today. I didn’t want to tell you till I got it,” he said. “A letter of acceptance from the Hamden Bible College.”
“Bible College,” I said.
“Oh, I know it takes money. The Army won’t pay for a school that’s not accredited—pure prejudice. But look at the advantages: Hamden’s just a
“Why, surely,” I said.
Already I felt uneasy.
I followed him up the stairs to his room. Our room, it was now. I sat on the sleigh bed. He started walking back and forth, slapping the envelope against one palm. “Listen to what I’m going to say,” he told me. I swallowed and sat up straighter.
“All along,” he said, “I’ve been wondering why things are working out like this. Finding
you
, I mean, just at this point in my life. Oh, I did plan that when I got out of the Army I’d like a wife and home. But first I had to make a living. So that day when you opened the door, and wore that faded soft sweater—well, why
now?
I wanted to know. When I’ve got no means to support her and nothing steady to offer. Couldn’t this have waited? Then I tried believing I should let you pass by, but it wasn’t possible. Well, now I have the answer, Charlotte. I know what it’s all about.”
He stopped pacing, and turned and smiled down at me. I felt more puzzled than ever. I said, “You do?”
“Charlotte,” Saul said, “I’ve been called to preach.”
“Been—
what?”
“Don’t you see? That’s what it was. If I hadn’t met you I wouldn’t have gone back to Holy Basis Church, I might never have known what I was supposed to do. Now it’s plain.”
Well. I was so stunned I couldn’t even take in air. I mean I just wasn’t prepared for this, nothing that had happened up till now had given me the faintest inkling. I said, “But … but, Saul …”
“Let me tell you how it came about,” he said. “Rememberthat Sunday I helped pack the hymnbooks? I carried a box to the basement. I passed the preschool room where I used to stay when I was a kid. Had its same old blue linoleum and those pipes they were always telling us not to swing on. Then I heard this song: me and my three brothers singing ‘Love Lifted Me.’ I swear it. Do you believe me? Our identical voices, I couldn’t mistake them. I just stood there with my mouth open. I even heard that lisp of Julian’s he lost when his second teeth came in. We sang two lines and got fainter on the third and then drifted off, still singing.”
“Well, wait,” I said. “The four of you
together?
In the preschool room? Surely that never happened, there’s too much difference in your ages.”
“This is not all that logical,” Saul told me.
“No, it certainly isn’t,” I said.
“Reverend Davitt felt it was an experience of a religious nature.”
I didn’t like the way he phrased it. Certain parts of him suddenly began to seem preacherly—even his bone structure, the echo in his voice, the tranquil gaze that could also be viewed as complacent, I saw now. Why hadn’t I noticed before? I’d been too busy gathering other messages, that’s why. I hadn’t even had a warning twinge.
Still, I held out. “But listen, Saul,” I said. “Maybe it was leftover sound waves or something, have you thought of that?”
“He felt it might be a call to preach. We had several talks about it,” Saul said.
I watched him open the envelope, with long brown fingers that could easily be pictured turning the pages of a Bible. Although I didn’t believe in God, I could almost change my mind now and imagine one, for who else would play such a joke on me? The only place more closed-in than this house was a church. The only person odder than my mother was a hellfire preacher. I nearly laughed. I took a mild, amused interest in the sheet of paper he pulled from the envelope.
“This is what came in the mail today. I didn’t want to tell you till I got it,” he said. “A letter of acceptance from the Hamden Bible College.”
“Bible College,” I said.
“Oh, I know it takes money. The Army won’t pay for a school that’s not accredited—pure prejudice. But look at the advantages: Hamden’s just a
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