4
The Worldâs Best Roscoe Riley
This all started because my little sister won another trophy.
Hazel is still in preschool. And she already has a golden trophy from Little Minnows swim team. And one for being the Fastest Skipper in Ms. MacNamaraâs pre-K class.
So you can see why I was the teensiest bit annoyed when she came home with another trophy.
Iâd had a long, hard day at school.
On account of an incident involving chocolate milk.
Did you know that if you blow through a straw into chocolate milk, the bubbles will volcano right out of your cup?
The bubbling part is way cool.
Cleaning up the mess afterward is not so cool.
Anyway, after all that, I didnât need to hear Hazelâs big news as soon as I opened the door.
âRoscoe!â she screamed. âI wonned another one! For bestest sitting-stiller for the month at circle time!â
âI never got a trophy, and I sit still,â Isaid. âWell, sometimes I do.â
Life is so not fair.
I dropped my backpack in the hall. I kicked off my tennis shoes. Then I flopped on the couch.
âYou will not be getting any trophies for neatest boy on planet Earth,â Mom said.âBackpack in the closet. Shoes in your room.â She kissed the top of my head.
âI want a trophy,â I said in that whining voice you use when you feel really sorry for yourself.
âYou got that little plastic statue in kindergarten last year,â Mom said. âFor most improved hand raising.â
âI mean a real trophy,â I said. âA big, heavy one. Made of gold.â
âShoes,â Mom said. âBackpack.â
I got off the couch and picked up my shoes and my backpack.
âYou are the best burper in first grade,â my big brother Max said.
He burped an extra loud one.
It was beautiful. Like music.
âBut Iâm still the best in the world,â Max added.
Which is true. My brother has a gift.
âEverybodyâs got something cool like a trophy or a statue or something to take to show-and-tell,â I said.
â Every body?â Mom asked.
âLast week Gus brought his yellow belt from karate,â I said. âHe got a little gold trophy cup with it. And today Emma brought her piano statue. She got it for practicing lots. Itâs of that grouchy guy.â
âLudwig van Beethoven,â said Mom. âHe was a famous music writer.â
âEven you have a trophy, Mom,â I said. âFor selling Girl Scout cookies.â
âThat was a very long time ago,â Mom said. âI was a great little salesperson, though. I could sell snow to a polar bear. I could sell water to an otter. I could sellââ
âGee, Mom,â I interrupted. âYou arebig-time not helping me feel better. Which is sort of your job, after all.â
Mom gave me a hug. âSorry, sweetheart. You just be the very best Roscoe you can be. Thatâs all that matters.â
Easy for you to say, I thought. You have a cookie trophy.
Nobody gives a trophy for being The Worldâs Best Roscoe Riley.
5
The Worldâs Ugliest Sweater
âDonât forget Emma and Gus are coming over for a playdate,â Mom said after I put my stuff away.
âMom,â I said with a groan, âwe are not having a playdate. Hazel has playdates. We are hanging out.â
âWell, when they get to the house for thehang-out, please wear your new sweater if you go outside,â Mom said.
âI will never wear that sweater,â I said.
I crossed my arms over my chest. To show I meant business.
âYour grandmother knitted that sweater with her own two hands,â Mom said.
âIt has hearts on it! And flowers! And smiley faces! And baby ducks!â I cried.
âNo sweater,â Mom said, âno hang-out with Gus and Emma.â
She tossed me the sweater. I put it on.
One side dangled down to my knees.
There was a pink bunny on the right sleeve. I hadnât
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