Don't Kiss Girls and Other Silly Stories by Pat Flynn

look of me.
    She shakes my hand. I hope her zit isn’t contagious. ‘One little thing, though,’ she says.
    â€˜Yeah?’
    â€˜I need you to start your work experience right now.’
    She’s got to be joking. ‘Now?’
    â€˜Yep.’
    â€˜But it’s not for two weeks.’
    â€˜It’s just that we’re really desperate today. I’ve had four staff call in sick. It’ll give you a taste of things around here and it means that you’ll be paid for the last day of your work experience week.’
    â€˜But I haven’t had lunch.’
    â€˜On me,’ she says, pointing to the big stack of food on the metal shelves.
    She’s just talked me into it.
    *
    Sherie gives me a uniform and I change in the toilets. I’m not going to say anything to her but it really stinks in here. Someone should clean it up.
    â€˜Your first job is to clean the toilets,’ Sherie says when I walk out.
    â€˜Really?’ I say. ‘They seemed okay to me.’
    â€˜I can smell wee from here, Tony. Do you know how to use this?’ She points at a mop and bucket.
    â€˜Well, not—’
    â€˜Good. I’ll be back in twenty minutes and I expect you to be able to eat off the floo r.’
    I hope she doesn’t make me do it.
    I’m about to ask if I can have some lunch first but she’s already hurrying away.
    I take the mop and bucket and crash my way into the toilet. Now I just have to figu re out how this cleaning business works.
    I put the mop into the bucket. Then I take the mop out of the bucket and rub it on the floo r. I’m pretty sure that’s right because I saw the janitor do it on The Simpsons once.
    Geez, it’s turning into a swimming pool in here. I have another look at the bucket and figu re out that I’m supposed to squeeze the mop through the roller thingy-me-jigs.
    Yep, that works much better.
    Before long the bathroom is looking spick and span. I lean back on my mop and admire my work. All around me is shiny and wet except for around the door, which is on the other side of the room.
    Far out!
    I think about tiptoeing across the wet tiles so I check the bottom of my shoes to make sure they’re clean. There’s gum on one, and something that smells a lot like dog poo on the other.
    Double far out!
    I’m still trying to come up with a plan when the door opens and a familiar face peers in.
    â€˜Cleaning toilets, hey, Rossy? I can see you’re moving up in the world.’
    â€˜Kane! What are you doing here?’ I ask.
    â€˜On a date with Megan Frost. Fast food followed by fast moves, if you know what I mean.’
    â€˜Megan? I thought you two broke up.’
    â€˜We have. But it’s Saturday afternoon and I was bored, so I called her up and convinced her that what she needed this weekend was a little bit of Kane.’
    â€˜She must be desperate.’
    He looks at the wet floo r, then at me. ‘You’re looking a bit desperate yourself, mate. Painted yourself into a corner, have you?’
    â€˜It’s not paint,’ I say. ‘It’s water. Give me a hand, will ya?’
    I chuck Kane the mop and he catches it one-handed. Then he starts strumming the hairy end. I can’t help it. I laugh. While he’s playing mop guitar, I empty the water into the urinal. Then I throw Kane the bucket and he catches it using the end of the mop.
    Now I just have to figu re out how to get across the floor without dirtying my sparkling work. It’s not easy, especially when another thought pops into my mind. ‘Hey, Kane. How do you get a girl to like you again once you’ve dumped her?’
    He gives me a look. ‘You want Ash back?’
    â€˜Maybe,’ I say.
    He shakes his head. ‘Don’t like your chances. Devo’s got lots of moolah.’ Kane rubs his fingers togethe r. ‘And you don’t.’
    â€˜Can you help