Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook by Michael Makai Page A

to understand that not everyone can
(or should) do what they do.  Whenever I read or hear someone repeat
the mantra that it is impossible to be a good Dominant unless you have first
experienced what it is like to be a submissive, my head threatens to undergo
what Douglas Adams likes to call a serious case of nonlinear, catastrophic
structural exasperation.   To me, that makes about as much sense as
asserting that you can’t possibly understand what it is like to be heterosexual, unless you’ve spent some time as a homosexual, or vice versa. 
    Want to know what makes a “good Dominant?”  It
is someone who finds joy and fulfillment in guiding, teaching, caring
for and protecting the right person.  Want to know what makes a
“good submissive?”  It is someone who finds joy and fulfillment in
pleasing, service to, caring for and taking direction from the right person.  
A Switch finds joy and fulfillment in either, or both, depending on the
circumstances.  It really isn’t any more complicated than that.  
Things may not be quite so cut and dry when it comes to Tops and bottoms, however. 
If we’re talking about the physical and psychological effects of certain
kinds of BDSM play, then I think it makes perfect sense that you should
be familiar with both ends of the equipment.  I certainly would never expect a bottom to allow me to use a TENS unit on her if I have never
experienced for myself the sensations that it is capable of producing.  To expect her to consent to such a thing would be arrogant and
irresponsible on my part and that stupidity could only be surpassed by her acceptance of such a proposition.
    To close out this chapter, I’m going to tell you a
little story that beautifully illustrates just how utterly confounded I
have sometimes been, when it comes to Switches. 
    I have a very good friend named Annie, whom I’ve
known for many years.  She’s always been an extremely knowledgeable and
competent Domme who always impressed me with her wisdom, compassion, and
ability to guide and teach submissives of both genders.  We would
sometimes get together for a few cold beers and share funny stories about the
trials and tribulations of being Dominants in an insanely vanilla world. 
    On one of these occasions, after about four rounds
of drinks, Annie asked me, “Why haven’t you ever considered taking me on as one
of your submissives?”  I practically spit out my beer and, for a
moment, was completely and utterly dumbfounded.  Anyone who knows
me knows that when I am at a loss for words, I’m seriously
flummoxed.  I finally stammered, “Geez, Annie!   I never
considered it because you’re a Dominant!  Are you serious?  This is a joke , right?”
    She frowned and said, “I’m a Switch.  I
thought you knew that.”
     

“Be
a good animal, true to your animal instincts.”
    -
- D.H. Lawrence
     
    “Who
speaks to the instincts speaks to the deepest in mankind, and finds the
readiest response.”
    -
- Amos Bronson Alcott

Chapter 4:  The Primal
What is a Primal?
    The textbook definition (if only there were textbooks on such matters) of Primal, as it pertains to the D/s
lifestyle, might describe it as:  1. a person who trusts and acts upon his
or her animal instincts ;  2. a role that is neither consistently
dominant nor submissive but can be either depending upon the
environment, situation and personal dynamic at work;  3. a type of BDSM
play that focuses on the animalistic aspects of relationships and sexuality.
    Primals are a relatively new phenomenon in the BDSM culture; one that is still
regarded with a great deal of curiosity by those who have long been content to
categorize everyone in the D/s lifestyle as a Dominant, submissive, or
switch.  There was just one little problem with that classification
method, however.  It left an awful lot of people standing on the
sidelines, wondering why they didn’t seem to fit neatly into any of
those three categories.  Primalism is often