tasted…better. This could not have come from a cow. Men of great knowledge must have…engineered this substance. I couldn’t help myself; I had to have more. I finished my glass like a man just rescued from the desert. And I remember…I…I…I cried…I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it. I never want to forget. And then I realized…like I was shot…like I was shot with a diamond…a diamond bullet right through my forehead…and I thought
: My God the genius of that. The genius. The will to do that. Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure.
And then I realized they were stronger than we.
53 of 55 people found the following review helpful
The milk of heterosexuality
By Leon Dekelbaum “process613” , August 11, 2006
I had struggled with homosexuality for years. I tried pills, figure-skating deprivation, even spent a weekend watching Richard Simmons workout videos. Nothing helped. Then when I was home for Fourth of July this year, my mother offered me a tall glass of Tuscan Whole Milk. Seeing how thirsty I was and how cold and pure the milk was, I eagerly drank deeply. Then it started. Images of cats filled my subconscious. Jessica Simpson suddenly seemed talented. And the desire to biologically fill the world with as many children as humanly possible filled me with a primal urgency. My mother looked up at me, smirking, as she dialed her friend Mindy Schwartz. “Mindy, have I got a boy for your Rivkah…”
Revolutionized my view of Quantum Mechanics
By Michael , June 5, 2013
It came just in time one day as I was stuck on a particular philosophical quandary. I opened up the package and lo and behold—the jug was empty. Revelation replaced agitation. The milk wasn’t there. Perhaps, it was never there to begin with. And thus, is the true nature of reality. My brain and 82-page thesis paper would like to thank the good people of Tuscan and Amazon for providing me with the catalyst for great intellectual discovery.
37 of 37 people found the following review helpful
The product name may have changes…
By Lester Moore , October 16, 2013
…but it’s the same Bantha milk those detestable raiders have been peddling for years. I will never forgive them for what they did to the Skywalker family.
Who do you think you’re fooling Tuscans?
51 of 54 people found the following review helpful
No Truth in Advertising
By GreytMom , January 11, 2013
Be sure you read the fine print -- the picture is not an accurate representation of this product. Mine arrived in a cow, “some assembly required.” On the plus side, I have to admit it WAS pretty fresh.
89 of 91 people found the following review helpful
The best milk ever.
By Maciej Murakowski “Kuactet” , September 22, 2006
I bought this milk a few days ago; it arrived today, and when I opened it, it was a literal explosion of rainbows and kittens. No cows could have made this milk. No, I suspect unicorns.
----
Customer Questions & Answers
This must be
Tuscan brand
local milk, right? It would be too weird to bring in milk in that kind of perishable container from Italy, right? Anyone know if there’s a “Tuscan” brand near New York City?
Contrary to popular belief (perpetuated by the movie industry), Brooklyn is, in fact, a utopian land of dairy cattle and rolling plains of sweet wheatgrasses. The Malta Street Valley is known for its pampered cows and breathtaking wildflowers.
Milkspeare answered on August 5, 2006
Actually, they import the cows from the Tuscany region of Italy, then milk them in the States. Afterward, they milk us with the prices.
- answered on August 21, 2006
After reading all the replies thus far I must apologize that no one has answered your question. Let me assure you that the container is quite imperishable.
Bill answered on September 18, 2013
Does it come from cows?
No, it comes from an elegant, 1-gallon,
: My God the genius of that. The genius. The will to do that. Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure.
And then I realized they were stronger than we.
53 of 55 people found the following review helpful
The milk of heterosexuality
By Leon Dekelbaum “process613” , August 11, 2006
I had struggled with homosexuality for years. I tried pills, figure-skating deprivation, even spent a weekend watching Richard Simmons workout videos. Nothing helped. Then when I was home for Fourth of July this year, my mother offered me a tall glass of Tuscan Whole Milk. Seeing how thirsty I was and how cold and pure the milk was, I eagerly drank deeply. Then it started. Images of cats filled my subconscious. Jessica Simpson suddenly seemed talented. And the desire to biologically fill the world with as many children as humanly possible filled me with a primal urgency. My mother looked up at me, smirking, as she dialed her friend Mindy Schwartz. “Mindy, have I got a boy for your Rivkah…”
Revolutionized my view of Quantum Mechanics
By Michael , June 5, 2013
It came just in time one day as I was stuck on a particular philosophical quandary. I opened up the package and lo and behold—the jug was empty. Revelation replaced agitation. The milk wasn’t there. Perhaps, it was never there to begin with. And thus, is the true nature of reality. My brain and 82-page thesis paper would like to thank the good people of Tuscan and Amazon for providing me with the catalyst for great intellectual discovery.
37 of 37 people found the following review helpful
The product name may have changes…
By Lester Moore , October 16, 2013
…but it’s the same Bantha milk those detestable raiders have been peddling for years. I will never forgive them for what they did to the Skywalker family.
Who do you think you’re fooling Tuscans?
51 of 54 people found the following review helpful
No Truth in Advertising
By GreytMom , January 11, 2013
Be sure you read the fine print -- the picture is not an accurate representation of this product. Mine arrived in a cow, “some assembly required.” On the plus side, I have to admit it WAS pretty fresh.
89 of 91 people found the following review helpful
The best milk ever.
By Maciej Murakowski “Kuactet” , September 22, 2006
I bought this milk a few days ago; it arrived today, and when I opened it, it was a literal explosion of rainbows and kittens. No cows could have made this milk. No, I suspect unicorns.
----
Customer Questions & Answers
This must be
Tuscan brand
local milk, right? It would be too weird to bring in milk in that kind of perishable container from Italy, right? Anyone know if there’s a “Tuscan” brand near New York City?
Contrary to popular belief (perpetuated by the movie industry), Brooklyn is, in fact, a utopian land of dairy cattle and rolling plains of sweet wheatgrasses. The Malta Street Valley is known for its pampered cows and breathtaking wildflowers.
Milkspeare answered on August 5, 2006
Actually, they import the cows from the Tuscany region of Italy, then milk them in the States. Afterward, they milk us with the prices.
- answered on August 21, 2006
After reading all the replies thus far I must apologize that no one has answered your question. Let me assure you that the container is quite imperishable.
Bill answered on September 18, 2013
Does it come from cows?
No, it comes from an elegant, 1-gallon,
Similar Books
