help us. Now I’m supposed to take her to an actual wedding? Where she could screw up someone’s life? Well, maybe not their life, but a pretty darned important day in their life.
That’s the flip side of doing weddings. Everyone thinks it must be so much fun, but it’s a helluva lot of stress. This is the day a little girl has dreamed of her whole life. The day her mama has planned since the doctor said, “It’s a girl.” And the day her daddy has dreaded paying for since that same day, so he wants every single penny accounted for. He wants to know what he’s getting for his money.
Something as simple as the wrong color napkins can send a bride or family member into a complete the-sky-is-falling-and-you-ruined-our-wedding-and-our-life kind of meltdown.
I remember all too well my first event. What a disaster! I really did ruin someone’s wedding, and at the time, I thought I had ruined their lives.
The bride’s parents had surprised her with a beautiful white carriage pulled by six white ponies. They intended for Nancy to make a grand entrance to her outdoor ceremony like Cinderella coming to the ball. A loving and extravagant gift from her parents intended to make a statement about their princess’s worth.
Let’s just say I wasn’t exactly the fairy godmother in this scenario.
Laura told me to escort Nancy and her bridesmaids down a hallway and outside to the waiting carriage. Once Nancy departed in the carriage, I was to call Laura and then escort the bridesmaids back inside to another hallway where the groomsmen would be waiting to walk them down the aisle.
I was as much in awe of the carriage and ponies as Nancy was. As she petted the ponies, the sun’s rays caught the shimmer of her dress and it sparkled like magic. I felt all warm and fuzzy inside. I knew without a doubt this had to be the best job anyone ever had. I wanted to hug myself with joy at my good fortune, and hers, of course.
When I called Laura and told her Nancy was in the carriage and ready to get married, she said to send her.
I smiled at Nancy as she straightened her veil and settled herself on the seat. “Good luck! You look beautiful! Like a princess!”
Her father sat tall and proud next to his beloved daughter as her bridesmaids sniffled and waved goodbye. I fought back tears. The carriage driver said to me, “So are we good to go, or is someone going to tell me when?”
I have replayed those words in my head a million times since that day. I am sure that is how he said it. But I would like to say again: IT WAS MY FIRST WEDDING.
It turns out the carriage ride is usually a two-part process. The bride and her father board the carriage, and they are sent to a staging area. A manager from the carriage company waits for them to arrive at the staging area and then goes to a vantage point where he can communicate with Laura at the ceremony site. When the ceremony is under way and it’s time for the bride to arrive, Laura gives a signal to the manager and he motions the carriage driver to pull forward.
Well, on that particular day of all days, the carriage manager had an emergency situation and needed to leave. The carriage driver thought we knew. Unfortunately, Laura didn’t get the message, and I was freakin’ clueless. So when he asked me if he was good to go, what he actually meant was, “Am I driving the bride to the ceremony right now, or am I stopping at the staging area like normal and waiting for someone to tell me when to go?”
Since I had no knowledge of the protocol, I answered enthusiastically, “You are good to go! Take this beautiful bride to meet her groom!”
It all went to hell in a handbasket from there.
While guests were still standing around talking and waiting for seating to begin, Nancy made her appearance in the carriage. A quick-thinking guest grabbed Frank the groom and dragged him out of sight to prevent him seeing Nancy while her mother and sister screamed at the carriage driver to go away.
I
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