yet, just a guy. Yeah, I was making a point-the point being that you're important to me, that I'd do anything for you, even kiss your feet in public. If he wants to do that too, fine-but he's not alone. He's gotta be the best."
Oddly, because it made no sense, that touched Tobias.
"Phantom, you never change, do you?" he asked with a smile.
"Nope. And now ... well, the scoop is that you blew out early but happy and Noah fucking floated down the stairs.
There's wailing and rending of clothes and hell of a lot of subs cursing their misfortune. Tell me-is it true? Is he your boy now?"
Tobias sat up, rubbing his jeans with one hand. "I don't know. I-there's nothing official, if that's what you want to know. We're going to talk later in the week, outside of the club. But..."
"But?" Phan's voice had dropped to match his own.
"I screwed up, Phan. You were right, you and Bradford, I waited too long. My control was off, enough to distract me, and I had to fight to keep my voice calm. I want to sleep with him, to hold him and care for him, and more than anything I want him. It's like ... going back eight years. I feel like I'm about to walk off the edge of the cliff."
"Oh, sir..." Phan's voice was full of sympathy, probably the only person on the planet who would really understand what Tobias meant, what he was worried about.
"I asked Brett if Noah's a pain slut," Tobias whispered. "I knew already that I couldn't go there, and the thought that I 93
Deviations: Submission
by Jodi Payne, Chris Owen
knew that, that I was already thinking long-term, wanting it
... God, Phan. What do I do?"
"You talk to him about what he wants. You make fucking sure your needs are met. And you take the chance. Last night was as good as the rumors?"
"Probably better. I was so proud of him, Phan. He's so willing to learn, he's so giving ... it's like he's been starving and just found food. And I feel like I have a farm to give him."
"Then stop being scared of something that might happen in the future and live for today."
The words seemed too familiar, too pat to be something natural to Phan, and Tobias had to search for the memory.
Him, out in the stable with Phan on his knees, weeping, asking to be released. The two of them talking long into the night, and beyond it, finally accepting that the slavery had to end, that it wasn't the correct boundary Phan needed pushed.
That the need for pain drove him, was a part of him he needed to nurture and that Tobias couldn't take that journey with him. That sometimes love wasn't enough.
"Phan?"
"Here."
"If you're going to quote me, at least pick something a little more original," he said with aslight smile.
"Yes, Tobias. You okay?"
"I will be. I'll talk to you next week."
94
Deviations: Submission
by Jodi Payne, Chris Owen
Chapter 9
Tobias had a hell of a time finding parking.
It was bad enough that the streets in Chinatown were narrow, but added to that was the hassle of the tail end of rush hour. The streets were packed with cars and people, he continually hit red lights, and by the time he finally shut off his engine he was fit to be tied. To add insult to injury, the lot attendant wanted twenty dollars to leave his car there for three hours, in cash, which was a bit of a sticking point. It took Tobias five minutes to find the emergency money in the glove compartment, buried under maps and theater programs.
So he was running a few minutes late and was mentally cursing his watch as he made his way to dinner.
The restaurant Noah had chosen was busy, but when Tobias gave his name he was smiled at and greeted in an unhurried manner and then ushered politely to the rear of the dining room. There, he was led past several high-sided booths, all decorated in brightly colored Asian fabrics. His guide stopped by one of the booths and made a gesture for Tobias to enter.
The booths were more like tiny private rooms, and inside each was a low table, surrounded by cushions instead of chairs. Noah
Oddly, because it made no sense, that touched Tobias.
"Phantom, you never change, do you?" he asked with a smile.
"Nope. And now ... well, the scoop is that you blew out early but happy and Noah fucking floated down the stairs.
There's wailing and rending of clothes and hell of a lot of subs cursing their misfortune. Tell me-is it true? Is he your boy now?"
Tobias sat up, rubbing his jeans with one hand. "I don't know. I-there's nothing official, if that's what you want to know. We're going to talk later in the week, outside of the club. But..."
"But?" Phan's voice had dropped to match his own.
"I screwed up, Phan. You were right, you and Bradford, I waited too long. My control was off, enough to distract me, and I had to fight to keep my voice calm. I want to sleep with him, to hold him and care for him, and more than anything I want him. It's like ... going back eight years. I feel like I'm about to walk off the edge of the cliff."
"Oh, sir..." Phan's voice was full of sympathy, probably the only person on the planet who would really understand what Tobias meant, what he was worried about.
"I asked Brett if Noah's a pain slut," Tobias whispered. "I knew already that I couldn't go there, and the thought that I 93
Deviations: Submission
by Jodi Payne, Chris Owen
knew that, that I was already thinking long-term, wanting it
... God, Phan. What do I do?"
"You talk to him about what he wants. You make fucking sure your needs are met. And you take the chance. Last night was as good as the rumors?"
"Probably better. I was so proud of him, Phan. He's so willing to learn, he's so giving ... it's like he's been starving and just found food. And I feel like I have a farm to give him."
"Then stop being scared of something that might happen in the future and live for today."
The words seemed too familiar, too pat to be something natural to Phan, and Tobias had to search for the memory.
Him, out in the stable with Phan on his knees, weeping, asking to be released. The two of them talking long into the night, and beyond it, finally accepting that the slavery had to end, that it wasn't the correct boundary Phan needed pushed.
That the need for pain drove him, was a part of him he needed to nurture and that Tobias couldn't take that journey with him. That sometimes love wasn't enough.
"Phan?"
"Here."
"If you're going to quote me, at least pick something a little more original," he said with aslight smile.
"Yes, Tobias. You okay?"
"I will be. I'll talk to you next week."
94
Deviations: Submission
by Jodi Payne, Chris Owen
Chapter 9
Tobias had a hell of a time finding parking.
It was bad enough that the streets in Chinatown were narrow, but added to that was the hassle of the tail end of rush hour. The streets were packed with cars and people, he continually hit red lights, and by the time he finally shut off his engine he was fit to be tied. To add insult to injury, the lot attendant wanted twenty dollars to leave his car there for three hours, in cash, which was a bit of a sticking point. It took Tobias five minutes to find the emergency money in the glove compartment, buried under maps and theater programs.
So he was running a few minutes late and was mentally cursing his watch as he made his way to dinner.
The restaurant Noah had chosen was busy, but when Tobias gave his name he was smiled at and greeted in an unhurried manner and then ushered politely to the rear of the dining room. There, he was led past several high-sided booths, all decorated in brightly colored Asian fabrics. His guide stopped by one of the booths and made a gesture for Tobias to enter.
The booths were more like tiny private rooms, and inside each was a low table, surrounded by cushions instead of chairs. Noah
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