that she meant what she said, he tried to practice continence for two weeks, but on the fourteenth day he felt as if he were burning in hell. He stole out of the house and went off to the nearest town.
Abuelo began to visit two mistresses in Yauco once a week, and no one thought him the worse for it. “Only the exercise of nature’s most elemental pleasure can reconcile a man to the suffering of this world,” he said to the priest of the town, who was one of his best friends. When he went to confession, the priest didn’t make anything of his new situation and gave him absolution anyway. Soon both of Abuelo’s mistresses became pregnant. Abuela was so relieved that it was someone else’s task to give birth, nourish, and bring up the new babies that she gave them both her blessing. She attended the christenings and had Abuelo recognize them as legitimate.
Not long after she chose a celibate life, Abuela stopped going to church. She would lie alone in bed at night and miss Vicenzo terribly. Instead of praying to the Virgin Mary, whose image stood in a corner of her bedroom on a little shelf surrounded by candles, she would reproach her for allying herself with St. Peter and St. Paul, and with the Fathers of the Holy Church, who were all unfair to women. St. Paul had told his male brethren it was better to marry than to burn; but he had no palliative for his female brethren, who would burn whether they were married or not.
Abuela was a sensual woman and had enjoyed sex with her husband; abstention was torture. She resented the fact that a woman’s fertility should condemn her to loneliness. She consulted with the midwife, who told her menstruation would last only twenty years, and at the end of that time she would be able to live a normal life, free from the terror of becoming pregnant every time she made love.
Abuela simply had to be patient and wait it out. In time she pardoned not only Abuelo for his sexual dalliances, but also St. Peter and St. Paul for being so unrelenting. But it wasn’t until she was able to forgive herself that she was finally at peace. Sexual sins were not important, after all; what really counted was shared responsibility and companionship, and even though they slept in separate beds, she went on living with Vicenzo on excellent terms. When Abuela was finally blessed with menopause, she let Abuelo climb back into her bed, and they began making love with the same gusto as at the beginning; he still preferred her to either of his mistresses. Abuelo and Abuela got along very well after that. When he sold the farm in Río Negro and moved to Ponce to open his coffee warehouse, Abuela went on being his business partner and worked side by side with him for many years.
Abuela kept only one secret from Abuelo during all this time. When her six daughters were born in Río Negro, she swore to herself she wouldn’t let them undergo her terrible trial. She made them promise they would have one child every five years, and they would surreptitiously do everything to prevent consecutive pregnancies. “An only child is portable,” Abuela said to them. “The mother may carry it with her everywhere. But two babies are a powerful link in the iron chain with which men tie women down and make them their prisoners.”
This was the promise Carmita was supposed to keep and recklessly broke three years after I was born. When Abuela learned her daughter had become pregnant a second time, she traveled from Ponce to San Juan with the midwife to remind Carmita of her pledge. Abby was away at the time; she had gone to visit her nephews in Adjuntas because Father’s Uncle Orencio had just passed away. If Abby had been home, none of this would have happened. Abuela Gabriela, left to her own designs with my mother, forced her to drink some brew to terminate the pregnancy. But it was so strong it caused hemorrhaging.
When I ran into the house and saw Carmita unconscious on the floor, I was terrified. I couldn’t
Abuelo began to visit two mistresses in Yauco once a week, and no one thought him the worse for it. “Only the exercise of nature’s most elemental pleasure can reconcile a man to the suffering of this world,” he said to the priest of the town, who was one of his best friends. When he went to confession, the priest didn’t make anything of his new situation and gave him absolution anyway. Soon both of Abuelo’s mistresses became pregnant. Abuela was so relieved that it was someone else’s task to give birth, nourish, and bring up the new babies that she gave them both her blessing. She attended the christenings and had Abuelo recognize them as legitimate.
Not long after she chose a celibate life, Abuela stopped going to church. She would lie alone in bed at night and miss Vicenzo terribly. Instead of praying to the Virgin Mary, whose image stood in a corner of her bedroom on a little shelf surrounded by candles, she would reproach her for allying herself with St. Peter and St. Paul, and with the Fathers of the Holy Church, who were all unfair to women. St. Paul had told his male brethren it was better to marry than to burn; but he had no palliative for his female brethren, who would burn whether they were married or not.
Abuela was a sensual woman and had enjoyed sex with her husband; abstention was torture. She resented the fact that a woman’s fertility should condemn her to loneliness. She consulted with the midwife, who told her menstruation would last only twenty years, and at the end of that time she would be able to live a normal life, free from the terror of becoming pregnant every time she made love.
Abuela simply had to be patient and wait it out. In time she pardoned not only Abuelo for his sexual dalliances, but also St. Peter and St. Paul for being so unrelenting. But it wasn’t until she was able to forgive herself that she was finally at peace. Sexual sins were not important, after all; what really counted was shared responsibility and companionship, and even though they slept in separate beds, she went on living with Vicenzo on excellent terms. When Abuela was finally blessed with menopause, she let Abuelo climb back into her bed, and they began making love with the same gusto as at the beginning; he still preferred her to either of his mistresses. Abuelo and Abuela got along very well after that. When he sold the farm in Río Negro and moved to Ponce to open his coffee warehouse, Abuela went on being his business partner and worked side by side with him for many years.
Abuela kept only one secret from Abuelo during all this time. When her six daughters were born in Río Negro, she swore to herself she wouldn’t let them undergo her terrible trial. She made them promise they would have one child every five years, and they would surreptitiously do everything to prevent consecutive pregnancies. “An only child is portable,” Abuela said to them. “The mother may carry it with her everywhere. But two babies are a powerful link in the iron chain with which men tie women down and make them their prisoners.”
This was the promise Carmita was supposed to keep and recklessly broke three years after I was born. When Abuela learned her daughter had become pregnant a second time, she traveled from Ponce to San Juan with the midwife to remind Carmita of her pledge. Abby was away at the time; she had gone to visit her nephews in Adjuntas because Father’s Uncle Orencio had just passed away. If Abby had been home, none of this would have happened. Abuela Gabriela, left to her own designs with my mother, forced her to drink some brew to terminate the pregnancy. But it was so strong it caused hemorrhaging.
When I ran into the house and saw Carmita unconscious on the floor, I was terrified. I couldn’t
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