recreating what I saw between him and Hope brought up such raw emotion
that I still wasn’t sure how to deal with it. I couldn’t let go of the fact
that if we hadn’t shown up he would have slept with her. I told him I needed
time because it still bothered me that he could do that so easily. I decided to
focus on me and my group sessions. I wanted to work on my insecurities and
fears. I wanted to be a better me.
Kole agreed to give me the time I need but I could tell
by his expression he wanted more.
I continued going to group therapy and decided to start
speaking one on one with a Counselor. I knew I would no longer be able to hide
behind the others in the group…I would have to talk about me.
“Good afternoon Lexi…please have a seat,” the women was
middle aged with blond hair and glasses. She was tall and slim and seemed
friendly enough, “So how are you feeling today?” Nervous like I want to grab my
bag and sneak back out of this room pretending that I never agreed to this,
“I’m fine…thanks.” I could tell she picked up on my nervous energy. After all
it’s her job and she was watching me like I was about to sprout wings and fly
around the room. “Okay so I am really nervous,” I finally admitted biting my
inner cheek.
“Call me Gail and it is okay to be nervous, or scared. It
is completely normal to want to scream or cry or even run. You came here
because you feel that you’re ready to talk about what happened and that in
itself is a huge accomplishment…so were just going to talk. We will talk about
everything and anything you want. You can start wherever you would like…I am
here to listen and anything you say in this room is completely confidential and
will always be kept that way,” I let out a deep breath…I can do this.
“Thank you…I don’t know where to start I guess maybe when
I was twelve…my dad left. He ran off with his secretary and three month later
my mother got divorce papers in the mail. So it had been just her and I since
then but uh…I haven’t talked to her in months.” Gail mainly listened with the
occasional question about something I may have said that she wanted me to
explain a little further. I sat in her office for almost an hour and it went by
so quickly. We talked about my father and how I felt abandoned like he didn’t
love me. When my hour was up I could have kept talking…for once I wanted to. I
had a sense of security with her and I really liked it.
Over the next week and a half I had met with Gail on
Monday’s and Friday’s. I shared so many things with her. I could talk freely
and she listened it was almost like talking to Megan. We had discussed the
party and Matt vaguely but I knew today was the day that I would have to go
further. I had reached that point…
I cried so hard as the details of that day poured out of
me…
“He pretended to like me. He spent an entire month being sweet
and saying all the right things. I was so stupid to believe him. If I just
would have opened my eyes I would have seen that I wasn’t the only girl he
flirted with. I just liked the attention from Mr. All-star. The way the other
girls looked at me when he would put his arm around or hold my hand…made me
feel important.” I took a deep breath as I grabbed a tissue, “Why I went to
cabin with him that night alone…I still can’t answer that. I had no intentions
of having sex with him. I was a virgin and the thought of it was scary. I guess
I thought maybe we could kiss and if I felt like it was going too far we could
just go back to the party but when he locked the door and looked at me…I
instantly regretted it. It was like he changed he wasn’t the sweet guy that had
been flirting with me. He became evil…hateful and aggressive. When he kissed me
the first time I tried to pull away but he just pulled me to him tighter. I
told him to stop.”
I could picture Matt’s face as I told Gail about that
night. I instantly got the chills as I continued,
that I still wasn’t sure how to deal with it. I couldn’t let go of the fact
that if we hadn’t shown up he would have slept with her. I told him I needed
time because it still bothered me that he could do that so easily. I decided to
focus on me and my group sessions. I wanted to work on my insecurities and
fears. I wanted to be a better me.
Kole agreed to give me the time I need but I could tell
by his expression he wanted more.
I continued going to group therapy and decided to start
speaking one on one with a Counselor. I knew I would no longer be able to hide
behind the others in the group…I would have to talk about me.
“Good afternoon Lexi…please have a seat,” the women was
middle aged with blond hair and glasses. She was tall and slim and seemed
friendly enough, “So how are you feeling today?” Nervous like I want to grab my
bag and sneak back out of this room pretending that I never agreed to this,
“I’m fine…thanks.” I could tell she picked up on my nervous energy. After all
it’s her job and she was watching me like I was about to sprout wings and fly
around the room. “Okay so I am really nervous,” I finally admitted biting my
inner cheek.
“Call me Gail and it is okay to be nervous, or scared. It
is completely normal to want to scream or cry or even run. You came here
because you feel that you’re ready to talk about what happened and that in
itself is a huge accomplishment…so were just going to talk. We will talk about
everything and anything you want. You can start wherever you would like…I am
here to listen and anything you say in this room is completely confidential and
will always be kept that way,” I let out a deep breath…I can do this.
“Thank you…I don’t know where to start I guess maybe when
I was twelve…my dad left. He ran off with his secretary and three month later
my mother got divorce papers in the mail. So it had been just her and I since
then but uh…I haven’t talked to her in months.” Gail mainly listened with the
occasional question about something I may have said that she wanted me to
explain a little further. I sat in her office for almost an hour and it went by
so quickly. We talked about my father and how I felt abandoned like he didn’t
love me. When my hour was up I could have kept talking…for once I wanted to. I
had a sense of security with her and I really liked it.
Over the next week and a half I had met with Gail on
Monday’s and Friday’s. I shared so many things with her. I could talk freely
and she listened it was almost like talking to Megan. We had discussed the
party and Matt vaguely but I knew today was the day that I would have to go
further. I had reached that point…
I cried so hard as the details of that day poured out of
me…
“He pretended to like me. He spent an entire month being sweet
and saying all the right things. I was so stupid to believe him. If I just
would have opened my eyes I would have seen that I wasn’t the only girl he
flirted with. I just liked the attention from Mr. All-star. The way the other
girls looked at me when he would put his arm around or hold my hand…made me
feel important.” I took a deep breath as I grabbed a tissue, “Why I went to
cabin with him that night alone…I still can’t answer that. I had no intentions
of having sex with him. I was a virgin and the thought of it was scary. I guess
I thought maybe we could kiss and if I felt like it was going too far we could
just go back to the party but when he locked the door and looked at me…I
instantly regretted it. It was like he changed he wasn’t the sweet guy that had
been flirting with me. He became evil…hateful and aggressive. When he kissed me
the first time I tried to pull away but he just pulled me to him tighter. I
told him to stop.”
I could picture Matt’s face as I told Gail about that
night. I instantly got the chills as I continued,
Similar Books
