Delete This at Your Peril by Bob Servant

shite?
    ----------------------------------
    From: Colin Jackson
    To: Bob Servant
    Subject: OK
    Hello Bob,
    Thanks again. All the same artist speak both in words and pictures. Remember we have our home, friends, family and social life to live so we speak only in pictures when we are at work Bob! Then about your painting i will do the art work and all the words you want me to print on it sounds OK because it makes you look like a brave captain or rather a hero, lol.
    I looking forward to get your mail ASAP and it very important that you send your advance through Western Union so I can get started on Bob’s Beauty!
    Then the job will be ready within 12 days.
    Have a super day,
    Colin
    ----------------------------------
    From: Bob Servant
    To: Colin Jackson
    Subject: You have missed the point entirely
    Hi Colin,
    I did not mean you would speak in pictures, I was asking if you THINK in pictures. If I was to walk up to you in the street and whisper ‘mmmm, hello Colin, you look good’, then would you think in words ‘BOB THINKS I LOOKGOOD’ or would you see YOURSELF as a PICTURE, looking the best that you can? That is what I am interested in. Is it different for you, as an artist?
    Bob
    ----------------------------------
    From: Colin Jackson
    To: Bob Servant
    Subject: I now understand Bob
    Ok Bob,
    I got your mail its alright, I will commence with the Job as soon as you send the advance.
    Yes Bob we do think in pictures, I have spent more than 90% of my adulthood in studios painting and thinking of what my customers will appreciate making it as real as possible. When I go shopping with my wife i often stare at things that are around me, imagining them in pictures and dreaming of making paintings of everything I see.
    Well hope u are having a nice day. Let me know when you have sent the money Bob.
    Colin
    ----------------------------------
    From: Bob Servant
    To: Colin Jackson
    Subject: YOU’RE GOING TO BE IN THE PAPER!
    Colin,
    I have interesting news! First of all, I have the money ordered and will have it tomorrow. The second is that I was just in the Royal Arch looking for skirt and bumped into Chappy Williams again. Apparently, he has just landed the big one - Broughty Ferry correspondent for the Evening Telegraph. 24 Christ only knows how he got it, he reckons he took a grand off the deputy editor at a poker lock-in at Stewpot’s bar and they settled for him getting the gig. 25
    Anyway, I spoke to him about the fact you were doing this painting for me and he was very, very excited. He put down his cocktail (sex on the beach), turned to me and said, ‘Fuck me Bob this could be big’. We chatted about it all some more, and he says that he wants to interview you forthe paper! I have had problems with both the local press and my general reputation in the last few years. Or, if I’m being honest, decades. This is an opportunity for me to really bounce back. I told him that you are a busy man so he is only going to send you a few questions. Thanks so much, I will send you the article when it comes out.
    Please make me sound like a fun guy when you send Chappy your answers. And, Colin, REMEMBER, two things –
    He thinks I was a real captain of Bob’s Beauty! Make sure you say that.
    Please say that I am very handsome if he asks. That will help me with the skirt and Christ knows I need all the help I can get.
    Thank you my friend,
    Bob
    PS 90% of your life in the studio? That seems a little high?
    ----------------------------------
    From: Colin Jackson
    To: Bob Servant
    Subject: Interview
    Hello Captain Bob,
    Thanks for your mail and interest in me, but I want to know will the interview be through mail or something? Secondly I will do just like you said {captain in the Bob’s Beauty} so you have nothing to worry about because we are in this together.
    Then about the money how did you send it? You should send it through Western Union or Moneygram as it will be available for pick-up