Delete This at Your Peril by Bob Servant Page B

think you would be?
    I would have loved to be an international journalist.
    As a painter, who is your favourite cartoon character?
    My favourite cartoon is Tom and Jerry and Pink and the Brain.
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    From: Chappy Williams
    To: Colin Jackson
    Subject: Thank You
    Thanks very much Colin,
    I loved the Tom and Jerry joke! The story is all filed and I think it is very funny.
    I hope you and Bob enjoy it,
    All the best,
    Chappy
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    From: Bob Servant
    To: Colin Jackson
    Subject: TOM AND FUCKING JERRY?
    Colin,
    What are you playing at?! Have you seen the Telegraph? What were you thinking? I never said anything about Tom and Jerry, I don’t even like the bloody programme.
    I’ve been getting absolute pelters all day. People keep giving it ‘Ooh, Jerry, where’s Colin?’ And what’s all this bollocks about you thinking I’m so handsome? We come across as a right couple of oddballs. By Christ, you’ve made me look like a complete idiot. Why the hell would I say that we’re the new Tom and Jerry. What does that even mean, they were in a fucking cartoon for a start? I wouldn’t know where to begin.
    I am absolutely furious about this Colin.
    Bob
    Dundee Evening Telegraph
    Broughty Ferry News      25-02-07
    Filed 25.02.07 by Chappy Williams, Broughty Ferry Correspondent
    WE’RE LIKE TOM AND JERRY, SAYS PAINTER ABOUT BROUGHTY FERRY MAN
    An internationally known artist who has been commissioned by Broughty Ferry resident Bob Servant to produce a portrait has bizarrely claimed that the two of them are the ‘new Tom and Jerry’.
    Colin Jackson, an English painter who was inspired by his father to pick up the brush back in the 1990s, contacted Servant through the Internet and the two of them hit it off immediately.
    â€˜I am always pleased to read Bob’s e-mails,’ says Jackson, ‘because he is usually interesting. Bob must have been a handsome young man, because from the recent pictures he sent me he still looks great, so you can imagine how good he would have been if he was younger?’
    It was while e-mailing each other about the painting, which is to show Servant on board a ship called
Bob’s Beauty
from his long career in the Merchant Navy, that Jackson claims the two of them decided that they could be the modern-day incarnation of Walt Disney’s much loved cartoon duo.
    â€˜It was Bob’s idea,’ says Jackson. ‘We both love Tom and Jerry, and he suggested that we could make ourselves like them. He said the world is crying out for a new Tom and Jerry and we would be perfect for the job. I’m not sure how we’re going to make ourselves the new Tom and Jerry, because they were cartoon characters but, knowing Bob as I do, he’ll have something up his sleeve!’
    However, when contacted by the
Evening Telegraph
today, Servant claimed he had no knowledge of the Tom and Jerry plan. ‘This is news to me,’ he said from Doc Ferry’s public bar. 26
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    From: Colin Jackson
    To: Bob Servant
    Subject: Re: TOM AND FUCKING JERRY?
    Hello Bob,
    Whats all this about? I only said I liked Tom and Jerry not you so I think your friend Williams should be confronted not me. So i don’t see any reason why you should be harassing me like i am some kind of toy or something like that.
    Colin
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    From: Bob Servant
    To: Colin Jackson
    Subject: I am sorry Colin but this is goodbye
    Colin,
    I have spoken to Chappy and he is sticking to his story. The last few days have been a complete nightmare and I have been turned into a laughing stock by the Tom and Jerry story. The local radio station had a phone-in yesterday on the matter and the resounding opinion was that I was a basket case.
    A taxi driver phoned in from the Seagate rank in Dundee and said that he’d just seen me chasing a mouse down the road with a rubber