Deep Surrendering: Episode Six by Chelsea M. Cameron

“No, wait!” I yelled before Fin cut the video feed and ended things. “You are not going to do this to me again. You do not get to run this time. I will get on a fucking plane and hunt you down. We’re going to talk. Whether it’s now on the computer or later when I chain you to your hotel bed. You get to pick. The easy way, or the hard way.”
    His eyes never left my face as I talked. I expected him to cut the feed anyway, but he didn’t. I was pretty proud of myself.
    “So, what’s it going to be, Fin Herald?” I asked, crossing my arms. Both to show that I was serious, and also to hide my shaking hands.
    I couldn’t go through this again. I wouldn’t sit back and let him push me away. Yes, he was scared. I was scared too, but I wasn’t willing to give up. I was invested.
    Fin glared at me for what seemed like hours. And then he started laughing.
    I was too stunned to say anything as I watched him throw his head back. I’d never seen him laugh this hard.
    But why was he laughing? Had a chip fried in his brain? Nothing I said was worthy of even a chuckle.
    Finally, he seemed to get himself under control. He wiped his eyes and grinned at me.
    “You know, part of me wants to pick the hard way just to see if you’ll do it.”
    My eyes narrowed. “This isn’t funny, Fin. Not at all.”
    “No, it’s not. But I…” He trailed off, as if he couldn’t find the right words. “I’ve never had anyone say something like that to me. I never thought I wanted it. I never sought out love, Marisol. Tried everything I could to keep it away from me. And then there was you.” He sighed and I waited for him to speak again.
    “I want to push you away. Everything in my head is telling me to shut this computer, end the chat, and never contact you again. But I can’t. I should. But I don’t want to. I’d miss you.”
    I exhaled a shaky breath. “I’d miss you,” I said. “A lot. And I was serious about the plane ticket. It would probably drain my savings and put me in credit card debt, but I’m not ready to let you go.”
    He shook his head. “I wouldn’t let that happen to you. I might not have much, but money is one thing I have in abundance.”
    Ugh, I didn’t want his money. Sure, I didn’t mind him paying for dinner or the occasional piece of clothing, but an overseas plane ticket was a bit much.
    “I would have done it,” I said.
    “I know you would have.”
    Silence stretched between us and I wasn’t sure what else to say.
    “I don’t like it when you run. You have to stop doing that. It’s not a way to solve your problems. They follow you.”
    “I know. But I’ve been running my whole life. It’s all I know how to do. I’m sorry.” He rubbed his head, messing up his already messy hair.
    “Just stop. Stand still for a moment. Breathe slowly, in and out. You’re fine. We’re fine. Nothing bad is going to happen.” It was an old technique I’d learned for anxiety. I’d tried it on my mother but it hadn’t worked. Still, the information turned out to be useful.
    “I wish you didn’t always have to be the one saving me. It makes me feel like a burden,” he said, breathing slowly as I told him to.
    “I promise you’re not a burden. You’re just…” I couldn’t put it into words exactly. “I feel like you need me. And I like that. And someday I’m going to need you, and you’ll be there for me. I have faith in you, Fin Herald.”
    He chuckled again.
    “Well, that makes one of us.”
    I wasn’t going to argue with him. At least not right now. We’d had enough tension tonight.
    “I should probably let you go. You’re busy,” I said. What an anti-climactic end to our conversation. I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile.
    “I don’t have to go. We can still talk. If you want.” There was a strange sound, and he looked away from the screen at something. It took me a second to figure out it was his phone.
    “No, no. I’m fine,” I said. “Are you going to be okay?