Deep Surrendering: Episode Four by Chelsea M. Cameron

 
     
     
     
     

     
    For the very first time, I was in control of sex with Fin. Myriad emotions flitted through my mind as Fin stared at me, waiting. I’d asked for this, and now I was terrified to go through with it. I mean, God, people had sex face to face all the time. There were probably millions or even billions of people facing each other and having sex. Right now.
    But those people weren’t Fin. No one was like Fin.
    He was dark and sweet and funny and commanding, and I wanted him more than I wanted any other person. More than I knew you could want a person.
    “Are you ready?” he asked.
    “I think that’s supposed to be my line,” I said. The tension radiated off him in waves, but if he wanted to get out, all he had to do was say the word. Just one word. Red.
    Stop. Do not pass Go. Do not collect two hundred dollars. You shall not pass.
    “Are you scared?” I asked, and he nodded his head slowly, his hair swinging across his forehead.
    “If I said no, I’d be lying,” he said.
    I could tell. For someone who was about to have sex, he didn’t look like he was anticipating it with anything but dread.
    “We don’t have to do this. I don’t want to make you do something you don’t want to.” I’d told myself I wasn’t going to back down from wanting this, but it was hard not to when he was clearly upset. Reluctant, sad sex under duress definitely wasn’t something I wanted to be a part of. Second only to pity sex.
    “I want to do this for you. You’ve done everything I asked, so this is the least I can do. I can do this for you.”
    My heart twisted, and I wanted to kiss him. So I leaned forward and up, hoping that he would get the hint. When my lips met nothing but air, I opened my eyes and found him looking down at me.
    “It’s just a kiss, Fin. We can start with a kiss.” His eyes were dark and liquid, and I sensed I was meeting yet another side of Fin. I didn’t quite know what to make of this Fin yet.
    “I think I can kiss you,” he said, and I sensed he was half-joking. Well, if he could joke a little, then he must be relaxing a little more.
    “We can do this. We’ve done it before. Just picture my ass if you get nervous.” That made him laugh for a second, and then he pulled my face up and pressed his lips to mine. It was a chaste kiss. Probably the most simple and sweet kiss we’d had. He pulled away before I could turn it into something more.
    “You call that a kiss? That was just mean,” I said, wanting to smack him in the chest. “I kind of want to punish you for that.”
    “Is that so?” He shifted closer so my chest brushed against him. Just that little bit of contact flipped my sex switch, and it was all I could do not to attack him and throw him on the bed.
    “Yes. Now go and stand by the bed.” I tried to make my voice as commanding as possible, channeling my inner dominatrix. I needed a whip or a crop or something. Maybe Fin had something like that hanging around. He probably did, or he could call down to the front desk and have one sent up, along with some more of that cherry lube.
    Fin hesitated for just a moment and I thought he’d refuse, but then he walked over to the bed and stood by it, awaiting further instructions. Who was in charge now?
    “I kind of want to ask you to hop on one foot to see if you’ll do it.”
    “Whatever you want, Marisol.” His shoulders were still tight, but he wasn’t backing down. Something told me he liked a challenge and he’d see this as one to overcome.
    “I want to undress you. And I want you to undress me. Slowly. And I want to stare at you for a little while before we do anything. But you’re already crossing some of your boundaries by agreeing to do this face to face, so I won’t make you take off your clothes. Not this time. But I do want you to undress me. I want your hands on my skin. Right now.”
    I walked toward him, hoping I looked seductive. The way he watched me, hungrily, made me feel like a sex goddess.