Deep Surrendering: Episode Four by Chelsea M. Cameron Page A

When I stood in front of him, I was fully confident that this was going to work. That this could happen. That he could give this to me after all I’d given to him.
    His hands rested on my shoulders, skimming down my arms. Just take off my shirt. That’s all you have to do. Take off my shirt! I screamed the words in my head, begging him to hear me. There wasn’t much to my top; he could probably tear it right off me with his fingers.
    “Fin,” I said, making him meet my eyes. “Stop thinking. You’re getting wrapped up in your head. This is just you and me. We’re on the dance floor again.” I’d told myself I wasn’t going to touch him first, but I moved his hands to my waist, and then put my hands on his shoulders like an old-fashioned junior high slow dance. I swayed and he moved with me, our motions seamless and completely together.
    “See that? See how we move together? Feel it?”
    “Yes,” he said, his voice soft and low.
    “That’s all this is. We’re going to dance. You and me.” I wished we had some music, but we’d have to do with the sounds of the city below us.
    At first, his sway was rigid, as if he was just tipping back and forth like a rocking ship, but then I felt him melt into our movements, and we shifted together.
    “See?”
    “Yes,” he said, and then leaned down to rest his forehead against mine.
    We swayed for a while, and somehow our bodies were drawn toward one another. The hardness in his pants teased and pressed against me.
    I drew away from him and his eyes opened, taking a moment to focus. Like he’d been in a trance.
    “Are you ready?” I asked.
    “Yes.”

 
     
     
     
     

     
    Before we got any further, I left him to fetch a condom from his bedside table. I reached in to grab something off the top, but I pulled the drawer too hard, and it tumbled to the floor.
    “Shit,” I said, bending down to pick up the contents. But before I could, large hands snatched the scattered items out of my hands.
    “I’ve got it,” he said in my ear. I tried not to look at what he was picking up, but I couldn’t help it. There weren’t just condoms. There was also the bottle of cherry lube and a few bottles of similar substances. A coil of silky rope. A blindfold. A roll of black tape. And a rod with fringes at the end.
    Bondage tools.
    Fin shoved me out of the way and desperately tried to get everything back in the drawer, but it was too late. I’d already seen everything. Or maybe just what was in that particular drawer.
    “You weren’t supposed to see that,” he said under his breath.
    I put my hand on his shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s not like I was unaware of this part of your life, Fin. Look at me.” He turned his head away from the scattered items on the floor and gazed at me. His eyes were wide with fear.
    “I’m not running away. I’m staying.”
    “Why?” Well, wasn’t that the ultimate question? Why did I stay with him? Even after he bailed on me twice, even after I found out some of his secrets and knew there were more. Even though he was leaving.
    “Because something in you needs something in me, and something in me needs something in you. I can’t explain it any better than that. No matter what else stands in our way, I knew that the first night I met you. Sometimes you just meet people and you know . You know that they’re going to impact your life and you theirs. So until that feeling goes away, I’m going to be here.” I reached for his hand and he let me take it.
    “Would you like to just sleep tonight? I can take the couch if you want to be alone,” I said, but he shook his head.
    “No. I’ve been wanting you all night. I want you so much sometimes I can’t breathe.” I was familiar with the feeling. Slowly we rose together, forgetting about the items on the floor. I didn’t want to think about them right now. I just wanted to think about him inside me. Nothing keeping us apart.
    We’d been building toward this moment for hours. It