Deep Surrendering: Episode Eleven by Chelsea M. Cameron

“So, what happens now?” I asked as Fin filled a bowl with soup and pushed it across the counter at me. “I mean, with us.” It was hard not to jump up and throw my arms around him and hold him to make sure he was still here and he was still real. I’d thought about this moment for so long, but I never thought it was actually going to happen.
    Fin sighed and got a bowl of soup for himself and then sat on the stool next to me. He folded his arms and stared into his soup.
    “That’s a good question that I think we’re going to have to talk a lot about. I know what I want, but I need to know what you want.” Him. I obviously wanted him, but could we make this work? Technically, we hadn’t even truly dated. We knew how to have sex, that’s for sure, but could we do the day-to-day? The dates and the phone calls and dealing with stupid things. And in the larger picture, where would this go? Marriage? Children? Laundry and bills and joint tax returns?
    “Okay,” I said, blowing on a spoonful of soup so I didn’t burn my mouth, “what do you want?” He looked up from the bowl and his eyes blazed into mine. His hair was still a little damp and I couldn’t stop myself from touching it.
    “You know what I want, Marisol. I wouldn’t have told you I loved you if I was going to bail. You are… You are the most incredible woman I’ve ever met. You’ve taught me so much about myself, about love, about truly accepting another person. You’re so good and so right and I want to be good and right for you. I just want you. I need you. I don’t want to lose you. Ever. I know I sent you that letter saying I was letting you go, but… I can’t now.” Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. He’d said wonderful things before, but this on top of telling me he loved me was just too much.
    I ducked my head to hide my tears.
    “I don’t want to lose you either,” I whispered as his hand reached through my curtain of hair. He took hold of my chin and tipped my head up so I met his eyes again. Using his other hand, he wiped away the tears that flowed down my cheeks.
    “Happy tears?” he asked.
    “Happy tears,” I said.
    “I only want to make you cry happy tears from now on.”
    “I like that idea.” He wiped away the rest of the tears.
    We both ate our soup and I sensed Fin was trying to think of what to say next. This moment seemed so anti-climactic. Both of us in his apartment eating soup.
    “I have something to ask you,” he said when our soup bowls were both empty. I could definitely go for seconds, but I wanted to know what he was going to ask first.
    “Go ahead.” The answer will be yes, I don’t say. I’d pretty much say yes to anything he asked me right now.
    “Would you…” he trailed off and chuckled to himself, smiling.
    “Would I what?” I said. He got up from the stool and took both of my hands in his. For a brief second, I thought he was going to get on his knees and propose. But that was preposterous. We were nowhere near being ready for that.
    “Would you, Marisol Everly, be my girlfriend?” He just looked so sweet asking me. I couldn’t help but smile. Before I could say anything, he continued. “I know I’ve never exactly combined sex and love, but I want to try with you. I’ll need you to tell me when I’m doing it wrong, or if you’re unhappy. I would never, ever want you to be unhappy.” I reached out and put one hand on his mouth.
    “Shh.” He stopped and waited for me. This was quite a change. I wasn’t used to Fin being so… compliant. Willing to let me be in control. I liked it and hoped it was a view of things to come.
    “Yes, Fin Herald, I will be your girlfriend. I haven’t exactly been successful at dating either. We’ll fumble through it together.” He smiled against my hand and his tongue flicked out and licked my palm.
    The air in the room changed, thickening and growing warmer. Fin licked my hand again and I couldn’t deny what I wanted any longer.
    And then