Deep Surrendering: Episode Eleven by Chelsea M. Cameron Page A

he pulled away.
    “We shouldn’t.” I nodded and leaned back. We definitely shouldn’t right now. But I didn’t know how long I could resist him. It had been a while since I’d had physical contact with Fin and I ached for it. I needed him in a fundamental way.
    He cleared his throat and grabbed both of the soup bowls, rinsing them in the sink before putting them in the dishwasher.
    “I think, if we’re going to make this relationship work, we should… start over. I don’t mean that we should ignore everything that’s already happened, but maybe go back and do things the right way. Have dates where I drop you off at the end of the night with just a kiss. I don’t want to fuck this up, Marisol. I want that more than anything.” He shut the dishwasher and I jumped. I understood what he was doing and I liked the idea of it. I just wasn’t sure how it would go in practice.
    I was having an excruciating time keeping my hands off him and it was only going to get worse the longer I was with him.
    “I think that’s a good idea,” I said. He breathed what seemed like a sigh of relief.
    “I really want to do this right,” he said. I got up off my stool and walked toward him.
    “Don’t worry, I’m just going to hug you. Hugs are allowed, right?” He nodded and I put my arms around him. He wrapped his arms around me and I let myself sink into his chest. Just being surrounded by his scent made a tightness in my chest loosen. When he was gone, I always felt like something was missing. Now, I was at peace. Things were back the way they should be. We just had to try to keep them that way, and it wasn’t going to be easy.
    “I really, really missed you,” I said as he stroked my hair.
    “Oh darling, you have no idea.”

In honor of our new dating rules, I didn’t stay the night at Fin’s. He came with me as Carl drove me home and gave me one soft kiss on the front steps before turning around and walking back to the car. Still, that kiss set my lips on fire and made me liquid. I could barely walk to the elevator.
    After I walked into my apartment, I checked my phone. I’d turned it off when I was with Fin because I had the feeling I was going to get all sorts of messages from Sloane asking what was going on.
    Bingo. I knew her too well.
    Instead of answering the myriad of messages, I called her.
    “Well?” she said by way of answering.
    “Well, I guess I have you to thank. You’re quite the sneak when you want to be.”
    “I’m a giver. I just want everyone to be happy. And it was totally worth it to see the look on your face.” I bet it was quite something. “And in exchange for my help in the name of love, I demand details.” Of course. I laughed and flopped down on the couch and told her that Fin and I were officially together and we were going to take it slow, starting with the ball.
    Starting over.
    That made me think of the letter I’d written him, saying all the things I wanted to say when he was away.
    I finished the conversation with Sloane as soon as I could and then got the letter out. Damn, it was long and some parts were hard to read because my brain had moved faster than my pen. I skimmed the words and tried to decide if I ever wanted him to see this. Then I saw the mention of Chase and decided not to. Fin didn’t want to hear about the guy who’d flirted with me and who I’d spent time with while he was gone.
    Folding up the letter, I decided not to throw it away, but to tuck it in a drawer. Maybe I’d show him someday. Not today, though. Not today.
     

     
    I couldn’t sleep that night and my cheeks were numb from smiling. I just couldn’t help it. Fin was back and he was free. Even if he hadn’t wanted to be with me, I’d be ecstatic for him. But now we’re together and it’s the best possible outcome. Plus, I had a date for the ball.
    I got up the next morning before my alarm and skipped around my living room. Two days until the ball. I had been struck by Cinderella-itis. I