the Ditch of Despair.
Meanwhile, President Bush goes before the United Nations General Assembly to ask for help in rebuilding Iraq. After enjoying a hearty international laugh, everyone adjourns for dinner at upscale Manhattan restaurants.
In domestic politics, Gen. Wesley Clark joins the crowded field of Democratic contenders and declares that, if he is elected president, his first official act would be âto actually register as a Democrat.â In other political news, the California governorâs race is temporarily thrown into disarray when residents of the other forty-nine states file a class action lawsuit demanding the right to vote in the recall election on the grounds that âitâs on TV all the time.â
But the hot political news is a huge scandal that erupts in Washington after conservative columnist Robert Novak writes a column in which he reveals that the wife of a guy who was critical of the Bush administrationâs Iraqi policy and went to Africa on a fact-finding mission is in fact a CIA agent (the wife is, we mean), which he (Novak) allegedly was improperly told by a high-level White House source, who some people allege is Karl Rove, although he (Rove), also Novak, heatedly denies this, and if you think this scandal is incomprehensible you are in the vast human majority, but people in Washington are still so excited about it that they have to change their underwear hourly.
Meanwhile, Hurricane Isabel makes landfall on the Outer Banks of North Carolina, forcing the evacuation of twenty-three thousand North Korean troops.
In the War on Telemarketing, a federal judge in Oklahoma blocks the implementation of the federal Do Not Call list on the grounds that it is unconstitutional. Hours later, he reverses the ruling on the grounds that his house is surrounded by people with torches.
There is another popular uprising inâ¦
OCTOBER
â¦when the people of California, by a large majority, vote to send incumbent governor Gray Davis back to his pod. They replace him with Arnold Schwarzenegger, who wins easily despite allegations that he gropes women, which he assures the voters that he will never do in his capacity as governor âwithout a really good reason.â In his victory statement, Schwarzenegger announces that he will appoint a stunt governor, who will handle the tasks that he is physically unable to perform, such as pronouncing words.
In other California news, fires rage out of control in large sectors of the state, destroying hundreds of homes and an estimated twenty-seven thousand Starbucks.
In Washington, Congress approves President Bushâs request for $87 billion to Iraqify Iraq so that it will be more Iraq-like. The money will also be used for the War on Terror, including $23.99 to pay for what is described as âa complete overhaulâ of the U.S. intelligence communityâs Magic 8 Ball.
On the economic front, there is good news from the Commerce Department, which reports a sharp upturn in the nationâs economy, credited primarily to spending by North Korean troops.
In the Democratic presidential race, Sen. Bob âBobâ Graham drops out of the presidential race, narrowing the Democratic field to 2,038 people if you count Dennis Kucinich.
In a surprising development, conservative radio-talk-show host Rush Limbaugh shocks his millions of listeners when, confirming tabloid reports, he reveals on his popular syndicated show that he is, biologically, a woman. He promises to get treatment.
In immigration news, federal agents in twenty-one states descend on Wal-Mart stores that are allegedly employing illegal immigrants. The agents emerge hours later, glassy-eyed, holding bags filled with hundreds of dollarsâ worth of bargains but unable to remember what they went in there for in the first place.
China, culminating a two-decade effort to develop a manned spaceflight program, puts its first astronaut in orbit. Work begins immediately on a
Meanwhile, President Bush goes before the United Nations General Assembly to ask for help in rebuilding Iraq. After enjoying a hearty international laugh, everyone adjourns for dinner at upscale Manhattan restaurants.
In domestic politics, Gen. Wesley Clark joins the crowded field of Democratic contenders and declares that, if he is elected president, his first official act would be âto actually register as a Democrat.â In other political news, the California governorâs race is temporarily thrown into disarray when residents of the other forty-nine states file a class action lawsuit demanding the right to vote in the recall election on the grounds that âitâs on TV all the time.â
But the hot political news is a huge scandal that erupts in Washington after conservative columnist Robert Novak writes a column in which he reveals that the wife of a guy who was critical of the Bush administrationâs Iraqi policy and went to Africa on a fact-finding mission is in fact a CIA agent (the wife is, we mean), which he (Novak) allegedly was improperly told by a high-level White House source, who some people allege is Karl Rove, although he (Rove), also Novak, heatedly denies this, and if you think this scandal is incomprehensible you are in the vast human majority, but people in Washington are still so excited about it that they have to change their underwear hourly.
Meanwhile, Hurricane Isabel makes landfall on the Outer Banks of North Carolina, forcing the evacuation of twenty-three thousand North Korean troops.
In the War on Telemarketing, a federal judge in Oklahoma blocks the implementation of the federal Do Not Call list on the grounds that it is unconstitutional. Hours later, he reverses the ruling on the grounds that his house is surrounded by people with torches.
There is another popular uprising inâ¦
OCTOBER
â¦when the people of California, by a large majority, vote to send incumbent governor Gray Davis back to his pod. They replace him with Arnold Schwarzenegger, who wins easily despite allegations that he gropes women, which he assures the voters that he will never do in his capacity as governor âwithout a really good reason.â In his victory statement, Schwarzenegger announces that he will appoint a stunt governor, who will handle the tasks that he is physically unable to perform, such as pronouncing words.
In other California news, fires rage out of control in large sectors of the state, destroying hundreds of homes and an estimated twenty-seven thousand Starbucks.
In Washington, Congress approves President Bushâs request for $87 billion to Iraqify Iraq so that it will be more Iraq-like. The money will also be used for the War on Terror, including $23.99 to pay for what is described as âa complete overhaulâ of the U.S. intelligence communityâs Magic 8 Ball.
On the economic front, there is good news from the Commerce Department, which reports a sharp upturn in the nationâs economy, credited primarily to spending by North Korean troops.
In the Democratic presidential race, Sen. Bob âBobâ Graham drops out of the presidential race, narrowing the Democratic field to 2,038 people if you count Dennis Kucinich.
In a surprising development, conservative radio-talk-show host Rush Limbaugh shocks his millions of listeners when, confirming tabloid reports, he reveals on his popular syndicated show that he is, biologically, a woman. He promises to get treatment.
In immigration news, federal agents in twenty-one states descend on Wal-Mart stores that are allegedly employing illegal immigrants. The agents emerge hours later, glassy-eyed, holding bags filled with hundreds of dollarsâ worth of bargains but unable to remember what they went in there for in the first place.
China, culminating a two-decade effort to develop a manned spaceflight program, puts its first astronaut in orbit. Work begins immediately on a
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