on what one highly placed ASNE executive described as “too many unnamed sources.”
3. Use any excuse to print sensationalistic trash, such as the rumor that reportedly might be printed in an upcoming issue of
Hustler
magazine concerning an allegation that Kenneth Starr got at least 60 percent of the current Spice Girls pregnant.
4. Allow our news judgment to be affected by big advertisers such as General Motors, whose cars are not only fun and reliable, but also prevent cancer.
7. Are just generally careless and sloppy.
The survey also showed that the public thinks these problems have worsened in recent years. I can explain this. In the old days, newspaperstories were checked by editors before being printed; today, editors are busy doing surveys on declining journalism credibility, so they have no time to look at the actual newspaper. (For example, if the phrase “stickle the size of a fire hydrant” appeared in this column, no editor has read it.)
The point is that we have big problems in the news business. But we also have a proud tradition of righting wrongs, expressed in the old saying: “When you make a mistake, have the courage to print a correction that is too small to locate without an electron microscope.”
And that is why, when I received the letter from Mrs. Herbert H. Harder of Benton, Kansas, claiming that the Leaning Tower of Pisa is located in Italy, rather than simply tearing it into tiny pieces and feeding them to a hamster, I said to myself, “What if maybe—just maybe—Mrs. Herbert H. Harder of Benton, Kansas, is correct?” And so, after some “nosing around,” I uncovered the following information:
The Leaning Tower of Pisa is, in fact, located in Italy. However, under the Treaty of Ghent, which was signed by Charles “D” Gaulle and Henry VI, Italy is, legally, part of Paris, France.
The “Leaning” Tower of Pisa is in fact perfectly vertical. All the OTHER buildings in Pisa are leaning, and the residents walk around on special shoes with one heel way higher than the other.
According to a very highly placed source, both Charles “D” Gaulle and Henry VI got Spice Girls pregnant.
I hope this clears everything up. If you have any questions about this, or any other article in today’s newspaper, please do not hesitate to check with your travel agent. Or, if you prefer, you can contact us here at the newspaper directly, via the receivers in our teeth.
Prison Is Deductible
I t’s time for my annual tax-advice column, which always draws an enthusiastic response from grateful readers.
“Dear Dave,” goes a typical letter. “Last year, following your advice, I was able to receive a large tax refund simply by claiming a $43,000 business deduction for ‘paste.’ I am currently chained to a wall in federal prison, but they tell me that, with good behavior, in 25 years they’ll remove the skull screws. Thanks a lot!”
Yes, helping people is what this column is all about. That’s why today I’m going to start by answering a question that taxpayers are constantly asking, namely: “When writing a letter to the IRS, should I use hyphens?”
Not if you can help it. I base this advice on a
Washington Post
news item, sent in by alert reader Bob Pack, concerning an internal memo distributed by the IRS counsel’s finance and management division. This memo, according to the
Post
, stated that the deputy chief counsel, Marlene Gross, “does not want to receive any memorandums, letters, etc. with hyphenated words.” This was followed by a
second
memo, which stated that Gross “does not want hyphenated words in letters, memos, unless it is at the end of the sentence.”
The
Post
item does not say why the deputy chief counsel feels so strongly about hyphens. But it’s quite common for people to develop hostility toward certain punctuation marks. I myself fly into a homicidal rage when I see business names featuring apostrophes on either side of the letter “n,” such as “The Chew
3. Use any excuse to print sensationalistic trash, such as the rumor that reportedly might be printed in an upcoming issue of
Hustler
magazine concerning an allegation that Kenneth Starr got at least 60 percent of the current Spice Girls pregnant.
4. Allow our news judgment to be affected by big advertisers such as General Motors, whose cars are not only fun and reliable, but also prevent cancer.
7. Are just generally careless and sloppy.
The survey also showed that the public thinks these problems have worsened in recent years. I can explain this. In the old days, newspaperstories were checked by editors before being printed; today, editors are busy doing surveys on declining journalism credibility, so they have no time to look at the actual newspaper. (For example, if the phrase “stickle the size of a fire hydrant” appeared in this column, no editor has read it.)
The point is that we have big problems in the news business. But we also have a proud tradition of righting wrongs, expressed in the old saying: “When you make a mistake, have the courage to print a correction that is too small to locate without an electron microscope.”
And that is why, when I received the letter from Mrs. Herbert H. Harder of Benton, Kansas, claiming that the Leaning Tower of Pisa is located in Italy, rather than simply tearing it into tiny pieces and feeding them to a hamster, I said to myself, “What if maybe—just maybe—Mrs. Herbert H. Harder of Benton, Kansas, is correct?” And so, after some “nosing around,” I uncovered the following information:
The Leaning Tower of Pisa is, in fact, located in Italy. However, under the Treaty of Ghent, which was signed by Charles “D” Gaulle and Henry VI, Italy is, legally, part of Paris, France.
The “Leaning” Tower of Pisa is in fact perfectly vertical. All the OTHER buildings in Pisa are leaning, and the residents walk around on special shoes with one heel way higher than the other.
According to a very highly placed source, both Charles “D” Gaulle and Henry VI got Spice Girls pregnant.
I hope this clears everything up. If you have any questions about this, or any other article in today’s newspaper, please do not hesitate to check with your travel agent. Or, if you prefer, you can contact us here at the newspaper directly, via the receivers in our teeth.
Prison Is Deductible
I t’s time for my annual tax-advice column, which always draws an enthusiastic response from grateful readers.
“Dear Dave,” goes a typical letter. “Last year, following your advice, I was able to receive a large tax refund simply by claiming a $43,000 business deduction for ‘paste.’ I am currently chained to a wall in federal prison, but they tell me that, with good behavior, in 25 years they’ll remove the skull screws. Thanks a lot!”
Yes, helping people is what this column is all about. That’s why today I’m going to start by answering a question that taxpayers are constantly asking, namely: “When writing a letter to the IRS, should I use hyphens?”
Not if you can help it. I base this advice on a
Washington Post
news item, sent in by alert reader Bob Pack, concerning an internal memo distributed by the IRS counsel’s finance and management division. This memo, according to the
Post
, stated that the deputy chief counsel, Marlene Gross, “does not want to receive any memorandums, letters, etc. with hyphenated words.” This was followed by a
second
memo, which stated that Gross “does not want hyphenated words in letters, memos, unless it is at the end of the sentence.”
The
Post
item does not say why the deputy chief counsel feels so strongly about hyphens. But it’s quite common for people to develop hostility toward certain punctuation marks. I myself fly into a homicidal rage when I see business names featuring apostrophes on either side of the letter “n,” such as “The Chew
Similar Books
