Dark Star: Confessions of a Rock Idol by Creston Mapes

through.” She sat down on the red couch. “I was here at about ten-thirty, but I guess you were still sleeping.”
    “Hmm.” I sat at the other end of the couch. “Sorry I kept you waiting.”
    “No, that’s okay. I was just concerned I would miss you before you went to Cincinnati.”
    “Are we in Cinci…tonight?”
    “Everett, yes ,” she said, impatiently. “What time do you leave?”
    “Heck, I don’t know, Mary. I’m like an animal in a circus. They’ll put me in a limo when it’s time. Get the spectacle to the next show.”
    She gave a half smile, squinted, and shook her head.
    “How are you?” I asked.
    “Okay. A little lonely, but surviving.”
    “The divorce behind you?”
    “Uh-huh.”
    “How ’bout the boys?” I asked.
    “They’re fine. Doing well in school. Jessie’s playing football, and Andy is an absolute soccer fiend.”
    “Ah, I would love to see them play.” I looked down, realizing she probably wouldn’t want me within a country mile of her boys. “I’ve neglected your guys, and Eddie’s…”
    “Oh, they would be thrilled to show off for their uncle Everett. It’s been too long. They often ask why we never see each other anymore. Just the other day Jessie said he wished we could have a great big family reunion.”
    I reached for the pack of Salems on the coffee table, tapped one on the back of my wrist three or four times, lit it, and took a long-overdue drag.
    “Would you really want me to come see them play?” I blew the bluish smoke into the room. “I’m not exactly the kind of influence you want for them.”
    “Of course I would. Everett, I’ve grown a lot in the past few years.”
    “How so?” I said, dropping back into the couch.
    “I think when I first got saved it was such a black-and-white conversion; I just assumed everyone should choose Christ. Whoever didn’t wasn’t worth the time of day. That sounds awful, but it’s the way I was. Judgmental and legalistic. I judged you.”
    She was on the verge of tears.
    “I’m sorry, Ev. That’s what I came to tell you. Will you forgive me?”
    I set the cigarette in an ashtray, moved over, and put my arm around her shoulders.
    “I forgive you, Mary. It’s okay. Don’t cry. I love you.”
    “I love you, too,” she squealed. “The boys and I pray for you every night.”
    “Well, I guess I’ve changed, too.” I wiped the tears from beneath her eyes with my fingers. “A few years ago I would have said I didn’t want your prayers.”
    I felt a kick of emotion. “But now…I know I need them,” I managed, a tear slipping out my right eye. “I know I need something.”
    “Evie.” She sat up, sniffing. “Accept Christ now, here, with me today! He’s what you need. I know, Evie. He’s changed my life. Can you see it in me?”
    Chills ran up my wrists and the backs of my arms. “I see it.”
    “You’re looking at Jesus, not me!”
    I stood, put my hands on my waist, and let out a big sigh. “There are too many obstacles, Mary. Too much to overcome.”
    “Jesus can wash you clean, Everett. He can forgive every sin, just like He did me, and you can start over!”
    “Look at me, Mary!” I faced her, holding my palms out, turning them over. “I’m dirty. Okay? Inside and out. Look at the hole I’ve dug. All my life, I’ve dug deeper and deeper. There’s no getting out. The mold has been cast! I’m my father’s son.”
    “No, Everett. You’re the Father’s son. Your life doesn’t have to be this way.” She stood, holding my hands. “That’s why He died. To forgive you. Accept the gift! It’s free. Just say yes here with me today.”
    “You don’t know me.” I held her tender hands for a moment, then dropped them and turned to the clock. “I’m gonna have to shove off soon.”
    Mary stood, wiping her nose with a Kleenex. She walked to the windows and pulled the curtains open about three feet . “Ev,” she said soberly, turning toward me. “What happened last