Darcy and Fitzwilliam: A Tale of a Gentleman and an Officer by Karen Wasylowski
Authors: Karen Wasylowski
Tags: Jane Austen Fan Lit
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"This will be a most wonderful year. I just have a feeling about it," she declared to everyone at the table as tears moistened her aunt's eyes. "There will be a new baby in the family, my presentation at court, finally, and..." Georgiana looked devilishly at Fitzwilliam. "Perhaps if we are very lucky, a bride for my cousin!"
Everyone toasted this proclamation--everyone except Fitzwilliam, who very dramatically turned over his glass to the cheers of the men and the indignant squeals of the women.
***
After dinner, when the ladies left the men to their cigars and port, Lady Catherine turned her attention to answering any questions concerning pregnancy and childbirth she believed Elizabeth must be anxious to ask her. As she was opening her mouth to speak, they heard a raucous burst of laughter coming from the male threesome remaining in the dining room.
She stood for a moment and stared curiously at the door. "It is so very odd. That always happens when Fitzwilliam and Richard entertain the men after dinner. I hope I have enough port set aside; it is something that they certainly seem to enjoy so." She sat back down and removed several pages of script from her ample bosom. "Now, Elizabeth, I have written down my beliefs concerning this time of your pregnancy, all of which I will give you to take home. I have knocked about this world much longer than you have, and since, thankfully, your mama is no longer around, I want you to feel free to inquire of me anything that may be concerning you at the present time."
Lizzy stared blankly at the woman, her mind a tumble of terror.
"Go ahead. Ask away. Speak freely. Never be shy." Catherine's smile quickly began to go grim. They stared at each other for several moments. "Elizabeth, are you deaf or merely dumb?"
"Thank you, Aunt Catherine, for your concern. You are very kind, but I assure you I have no questions." She bent her head over her ever-present book, praying that the inevitable discussion to come would be brief and somehow not humiliating. Or that a comet would fall from the sky and come through the roof.
Lady Catherine scowled. Lizzy was nearly five months pregnant, already quite large, and without a mother's guidance, even a mother as odious as the late Mrs. Bennet. "No need for such courteous regard for my sensibilities, dear. I give you my wisdom freely." Taking Elizabeth's hand, she proceeded to launch into a long list of mother-to-be dos and don'ts, making especially clear all her thoughts and opinions on fresh air and exercise while with child (she was totally against them both, the reason being that the child's limbs and lungs were much too small and thereby would too easily tire), on eating large amounts of fresh fruit and vegetables while with child (again, another problem in that they produced poisonous gas within the system, infecting the unsuspecting unborn), and on getting plenty of sleep while with child (positively the worst thing one could do, as that it placed the child in awkward positions for long periods of time that could cause facial disfigurement).
Also strictly forbidden were excessive laughter and spicy foods and any sort of physical expression of emotions, especially marital obligations.
"I suspect that it must frighten the baby, you know, all that bouncing and moaning and such. And then there is the problem of that protuberance repeatedly going in and coming out, going in and coming out, going in and coming out..." She rolled her eyes, all the while ensuring that Georgiana and Anne were not listening. After one or two seconds, she motioned Lizzy forward again, whispering very gravely into her ear, "At least that's what the earl and I decided when I carried Anne. In retrospect, however, it may very well have frightened the earl more than the babe."
Lizzy stared at her for several seconds, her lips twitching. "Thank you, ma'am," was all she could finally squeak out.
Chapter 12
It was turning into a horror of a night. There were room-rattling
Everyone toasted this proclamation--everyone except Fitzwilliam, who very dramatically turned over his glass to the cheers of the men and the indignant squeals of the women.
***
After dinner, when the ladies left the men to their cigars and port, Lady Catherine turned her attention to answering any questions concerning pregnancy and childbirth she believed Elizabeth must be anxious to ask her. As she was opening her mouth to speak, they heard a raucous burst of laughter coming from the male threesome remaining in the dining room.
She stood for a moment and stared curiously at the door. "It is so very odd. That always happens when Fitzwilliam and Richard entertain the men after dinner. I hope I have enough port set aside; it is something that they certainly seem to enjoy so." She sat back down and removed several pages of script from her ample bosom. "Now, Elizabeth, I have written down my beliefs concerning this time of your pregnancy, all of which I will give you to take home. I have knocked about this world much longer than you have, and since, thankfully, your mama is no longer around, I want you to feel free to inquire of me anything that may be concerning you at the present time."
Lizzy stared blankly at the woman, her mind a tumble of terror.
"Go ahead. Ask away. Speak freely. Never be shy." Catherine's smile quickly began to go grim. They stared at each other for several moments. "Elizabeth, are you deaf or merely dumb?"
"Thank you, Aunt Catherine, for your concern. You are very kind, but I assure you I have no questions." She bent her head over her ever-present book, praying that the inevitable discussion to come would be brief and somehow not humiliating. Or that a comet would fall from the sky and come through the roof.
Lady Catherine scowled. Lizzy was nearly five months pregnant, already quite large, and without a mother's guidance, even a mother as odious as the late Mrs. Bennet. "No need for such courteous regard for my sensibilities, dear. I give you my wisdom freely." Taking Elizabeth's hand, she proceeded to launch into a long list of mother-to-be dos and don'ts, making especially clear all her thoughts and opinions on fresh air and exercise while with child (she was totally against them both, the reason being that the child's limbs and lungs were much too small and thereby would too easily tire), on eating large amounts of fresh fruit and vegetables while with child (again, another problem in that they produced poisonous gas within the system, infecting the unsuspecting unborn), and on getting plenty of sleep while with child (positively the worst thing one could do, as that it placed the child in awkward positions for long periods of time that could cause facial disfigurement).
Also strictly forbidden were excessive laughter and spicy foods and any sort of physical expression of emotions, especially marital obligations.
"I suspect that it must frighten the baby, you know, all that bouncing and moaning and such. And then there is the problem of that protuberance repeatedly going in and coming out, going in and coming out, going in and coming out..." She rolled her eyes, all the while ensuring that Georgiana and Anne were not listening. After one or two seconds, she motioned Lizzy forward again, whispering very gravely into her ear, "At least that's what the earl and I decided when I carried Anne. In retrospect, however, it may very well have frightened the earl more than the babe."
Lizzy stared at her for several seconds, her lips twitching. "Thank you, ma'am," was all she could finally squeak out.
Chapter 12
It was turning into a horror of a night. There were room-rattling
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