slightly overweight princess and a grumpy bag of wind named Rip. The name suited the grey-bearded man quite well. In fact, as soon as we sat down, Rip let one rip. The stench was so bad that even the drunkest of the patrons staggered from their bar stools and out the tavern door.
Rip shrugged his shoulders. âI had burritos for lunch.â
Like twenty years ago, by the smell of it. Rather than comment on his stench, I jammed my hand over my nose and tried to control the tears leaking from my eyes. Asiaâs fingers brushed mine, sending a shiver along my skin. I swallowed hard and did my best to grin and avoid throwing up.
Things couldâve been worse.
âWhatâd you want,â Rip said, burping another cloud of toxins into the air. His eyes narrowed and he leaned forward. âDonât I know you from somewhere?â he asked me. âYou look familiar.â
âI have that kind of face,â I said. Which was partially true. God had blessed me with villainous good looks, chiseled features, and lips meant for kissing demented princesses.
Or was it princi?
âNever mind that.â Asia waved her hand. âI need your help, Rip.â
âFor you, my sweet maiden, Iâd sleep for a thousand years.â
I smothered a groan.
âWhat can you tell me about my curse? Is there a way to break it?â Asia tilted her head, her eyes locked on the older manâs filmy grey ones. Skinny or fat, no one would be able to resist my princess for long. Rip proved to be no exception. I hoped like hell when the time came I was made of stronger stuff. None of that puppy-dog-tail crap. Forget the snails too. Iâd need steel bollocks to walk away from a princess like Asia.
âOnly one way to break such a dangerous and powerful curse.â After a brief pause to exhale a fetid breath, Rip rubbed his whiskered chin. âTruth be told, even I, one of the wisest and bravest men in the kingdom, wouldnât dare to break a curse so vile. How can such a sweet young lady have the courage?â
I nearly sprained my eye sockets with my eye roll. Bravest? Really? The dude took a nap. What was so freaking hard about that? âYeah, youâre a prince among men. Anyway ...â
Asia covered her smile with the back of her hand. âIâm sure youâre right, Rip, but Iâd like to give it a try. Can you help us?â
He nodded, farted once, twice, and then a third time. A stench so foul even the three little pigs wouldâve gagged drifted in the air around us. âTo break the curse, the cursed must possess the Devilâs Eye.â He shivered as if the very words chilled his old ass. Either that or he finally got a whiff of himself. Valiantly, he continued, pausing long enough to add, âDo you smell that?â before finishing his tale. âAnd in the Eye, the cursed will see the past, present, and future. Good and evil. She will see beauty and death, a lover and a liar.â
Not good. If Asia possessed the Devilâs Eye she would learn the truth about me, about my villainous past, about my even more dastardly plot to relieve her of her virginity.
But without it, she would never be free.
Rip let out another loud belch. âIn the end, she who possesses the Eye will either accept what is reflected back or else ...â
âOr else what?â I asked after a few seconds.
âHow should I know?â He shrugged. âIâm old, not a fucking rocket scientist.â
Some help he was. I started to say just that, but Asia interrupted. Oh well, not like I couldâve told the old bastard off anyway.
âRip,â Asia said. âWhat is the Devilâs Eye?â
âEvil.â Rip stroked his chin. âThe Devilâs Eye is pure evil born of an unholy alliance.â
Britney and K-Fed?
Rip continued, âIt is said to possess all the knowledge in the Universe.â
That left those two out.
âThose who gaze into the
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