Curses! by J. A. Kazimer Page A

Eye are doomed.”
    â€œHave you ever seen it?” Asia asked in a whisper.
    Rip shook his gnarled head. “Do I look doomed? Weren’t you listening? What is it with you young people today? Why, back in my day ...”
    Just tell me what the damn thing looks like and where to find it, I wanted to tell him, but the old goat rambled on and on for twenty more minutes, spouting dire warnings, boring stories from his past, and toxic fumes. Finally, he got to the point. “From what I’ve been told, the Eye looks like a handheld compact. Sort of oval shaped with a blue jewel covering the top.”
    Shit.
    â€œWorth a pretty penny too.”
    Shit, shit, shit.
    I pictured the shiny blue-jeweled looking glass that, up until a day or so ago, had resided in the pocket of my Levi’s. The very same looking glass I discovered in Cinderella’s bedroom and subsequently pawned it.
    Just my villainous luck.
    â€œI’d pay anything to end this curse,” Asia said, her voice soft, warm, and pure like my princess herself. She was far too good for the villainous likes of me; yet I couldn’t walk away. Not yet. Not until I solved her sister’s murder, found my ex-wife’s killer, and freed my pretty, pretty princess from her curse. As to-do lists went, mine sounded nearly impossible, almost as bad as Snow White’s daily chore of scrubbing out seven pairs of stained dwarf boxers.
    But I vowed to find a way to break the curse for Asia, even if it cost me my life. I ran my fingers across Asia’s expanding skin. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll find the Eye for you.”
    â€œThank you,” she whispered.
    I nodded and swallowed hard. In order to save my distressed damsel I would have to become the one thing I hated. A hero. The very word sent sickness pooling in my gut, sort of like eating bad sushi in the hot sun. My face must have betrayed my emotions because Asia shot me a sweet, endearing smile. My stomach started to ache even more.
    I rose from my bar stool, leaned over, and gave Asia a smacking kiss on the lips. Her eyes widened, but she didn’t pull away. Instead, she deepened the kiss, drawing my mouth into hers. Our tongues met, greeting each other like long-lost lovers after years apart. Her hands fisted in my hair, tugging my mouth harder against hers. I pulled Asia closer, inhaling her scent. She smelled like the best of holidays. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Rosh Hashanah rolled into one.
    For what seemed like an eternity of bliss, but in reality was merely seconds, the world around us vanished. No more stench of rotted beer and decayed old man. No more thoughts of curses or murder. Just us. The two of us.
    Happily ever after be damned.
    Asia broke the kiss and stared into my eyes as if she could see into the very depths of my blackened soul. Served with a side of collard greens and rice. For a moment I felt completely naked. My villainous armor stripped away to reveal the short, insecure kid underneath.
    Rather than scare me, her naked appraisal sent a surge of power through my battered body. I was Rumple Fucking Stiltskin. A badass villain. I could accomplish any feat, big or small. Reacquiring one little bejeweled hand mirror would be easier than getting Georgie Porgie laid. And I’d managed to accomplish that in a matter of a few hours.
    I grabbed my princess, kissed her quickly on her pliant lips, and stumbled out of the tavern without a word. It was time to show the kingdom of Maledetto exactly who was the biggest, baddest villain around.

Chapter 17
    O r not.
    After leaving the tavern, I immediately went to the Pretty, Pretty Pawn & Bait Shop to retrieve the Devil’s Eye. The shop was located on the west end of the kingdom, sandwiched between Geppetto’s Gyros and a fairy strip club named Wings.
    I opened the door and stepped inside the greenish-lit pawnshop. The place was nice enough, clean, and reminded me of the Candlestick