Crank by Ellen Hopkins Page A

everyday.
    Footsteps.
    Voices.
    Coffee. Perfume.
    * *
    Nothing new.
    Nothing unusual.
    Nothing, except me.
    whiffed a line of willpower.
    358
    Got up, got dressed in ratty clothes.
    Hair unbrushed, ditto teeth,
    * *
    I went into the kitchen, poured
    hot black brew and lied about my date.
    359
     
     
     
    A
    nswer Before They Ask
     
    Great strategy. Mom didn't even snarl
    when I said I was too tired to go to Jake's soccer game.
    * *
    Once I saw her tailpipe, I called Chase.
    Thirty minutes later, he chugged up the driveway. One look, he knew.
     
    What's the matter, Kristina?
     
    * *
    "Too much fun last night. Come inside."
    My mom might have accepted the lie.
    Chase knew better.
     
    You're buzzed. But there's more.
     
    * *
    So much for deceit, for accepting blame.
    So much for never telling a soul.
    I broke down like rotting rafters.
     
    Tell me what happened.
     
    * *
    I told him everything, start to finish, in minute detail. He gathered me up, glued me back together.
     
    That bastard. I'll kill him.
     
    360
    I shook my head, tossing tears and thin
    streams of snot. "It was all my fault."
    Chase grabbed my shoulders.
     
    No! Brendan knew what he
    was doing.
     
    * *
    He pulled me so close it hurt, laid his head against my heaving chest.
    Then hard-ass Chase Wagner cried.
     
    Oh, God, I'm sorry, Kristina.
     
     
    I should have been there for
    you.
     
    361
     
     
     
    Stunned
     
    I kissed his forehead, licked away his tears.
    He looked up and his eyes told min
     
    I love you, Kristina.
     
    * *
    Eyes couldn't lie.
    Could they?
    With sudden clarity,
    I knew,
    "I love you, too."
     
    Don't say it
    unless you mean it.
     
    * *
    Did I mean it?
    Brendan was no more than a nightmare.
    But, Giselle or no Giselle, what about Adam?
     
    You could snap
     
     
    my heart in two.
     
    362
    I thought of the letter in my room, the one
    that had poured from me
    only hours before.
    If I mailed it...
     
    It's bending me.
     
    * *
    I shifted and the throb in my thighs
    reminded me of the "new" me.
    "But what about..."
     
    Come on.
     
     
    I'm not exactly chaste.
     
    * *
    Chaste Chase?
    A monster-fed
    giggle tried to slip out.
    I relegated it to a tooth-baring grin.
     
    You're so beautiful
     
     
    when you smile.
     
    363
    He kissed me then, so sweetly, I truly
    felt beautiful, despite the ugliness
    that would always remain.
     
    No one can take you
    from you, Kristina.
     
    * *
    Tears slipped from my eyes.
    Chase absorbed
    every one, sponging up regret.
     
    I promise never,
    never to hurt you.
     
    * *
    I wanted him to prove it.
    Needed him to prove it.
    "Make love to me."
    I could feel he wanted to.
     
    I want to.
     
     
    You know I do.
     
     
    But not today.
     
    364
     
     
     
    R
    elief, Disappointment
     
    A flash flood of love and a surge of need so deep it went way beyond the monster.
    * *
    "Please, Chase? I have to know
    what it's like when two people
    really want to."
     
    And you will. I will take you to
    heights you can't imagine.
     
     
    But not until you've healed.
     
    * *
    I didn't understand. Go ahead.
    Call me dense. "It's only a few
    bruises, Chase."
     
    I
    meant not until you're free
    from dreams of yesterday.
     
     
    When we make love, the only
     
     
    people there should be you and me.
     
    * *
    He was right. Adam lingered on my nightstand. Brendan would
    haunt me, a shadow, for days.
     
    When you've vanquished your ghosts,
     
     
    I'll be here. Besides, sweetheart,
    anticipation is half the fun.
     
    365
    I could only hope the other half
    might one day be as wonderful.
    With Chase, it seemed possible.
     
    Meanwhile, I'd better go before
    your parents get back. Want to
    go outside for a smoke?
     
    * *
    Soft drifts of nicotine filled my
    lungs, soothing one hunger.
    Chase held me close.
     
    Funny thing, Kristina. Before you
    ,
     
     
    I believed love was making love.
     
     
    Waiting only makes me
     
     
    love you more.
     
    366
     
     
     
    P
    owerful Words
     
    Strong
    enough to latch on