size of my whole London flat. When Jay first caught sight of it on Skype, she said, ‘God, Megs, you’ve landed in the jam. It’s stunning.’ And it is. I can see the drive from my window, edged with the pretty trees the house is named for, curving down to the gates. It is late October and a few pale green leaves are still clinging to the red twiggy branches. I’ve got a bed, a little sofa, a colour television, a dressing table and more cupboard space than I need. There’s also a chest-of-drawers and an en-suite bathroom. On the wall above the bed is a large still life of a white jug with some apricots lying next to it.
I liked the room as soon as Rowena opened the door to show it to me. I was relieved about that because the moment I arrived in the house, I sensed again that the atmosphere
had
changed. It hadn’t been my imagination. Now, especially at certain times of the day, I have the feeling that I’m missing something; that there are conversations going on where I can’t hear them. I feel unsettled and awkward when I’m alone in certain rooms.
Fortunately, that doesn’t happen very often. Someone walks in and dissipates whatever it is that’s odd about the atmosphere. Bad vibes are here, somewhere, and it worries me that I can’t quite pin down where they’re coming from or why. At my most paranoid, I think: it’s me. They’re attached to me, somehow. I’ve brought them to Salix House. It was perfectly okay before I came but now that I’ve moved in, things seem not to be exactly as they were before. But I feel fine in my room.
The girls were happy to see me. Eva seemed pleased too. I haven’t a clue if I’m capable of being a nanny but, for the moment, I’ve decided to put my journalistic ambitions on hold, while I deal with everything that’s happened recently. The pay’s decent and I get bed and board, no rent to pay. I like the girls. The job isn’t very hard and I don’t have very much to do. I have to take them to school, fetch them at the end of the day. I help them with homework if they need it. I like Eva especially and it makes me happy to think that I’ll get to know her better. Perhaps I’ll even be able to help her when it comes to leaving Salix House. And I’m far away from Simon and everything that reminds me of him, which is good, even if there’s no way I’ll be able to escape from his terrible accusation.
During the last few days, I’ve learned certain things about this house and about Eva and her family. However carefully you’ve interviewed someone (and I thought I’d done a thorough job of it) you can’t know what their lives are like. Not really. Not until you share a house with them.
On my first night here, I couldn’t sleep. Something woke me up. I opened my eyes in the unfamiliar bed and listened. Houses make strange noises. People often put the sounds down to plumbing: the pipes are heating up or cooling down or something. But this was different. I thought it might have been a floorboard creaking. I checked the time, thinking that perhaps it was someone waking up extra early. One of the girls, maybe, up before daybreak. But it was two in the morning. It couldn’t have been the girls.
I got out of bed and put my slippers and dressing gown on. The house was silent now but I knew I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep again for a while. I’ll go downstairs, I thought, and get myself a hot drink. I opened my door as quietly as I could and stood at the top of the stairs. A draught was blowing round my ankles and I looked down, astonished. This was the best insulated house I’d ever been in. I already knew that Eva liked warmth and in any case, where would any draught be coming from, up here? There were no windows opening on to the landing on the first floor. The front door was shut and so were all the hall windows. And then the draught stopped, just like that. It disappeared as suddenly as it had come. I puzzled over this as I crept downstairs, treading
I liked the room as soon as Rowena opened the door to show it to me. I was relieved about that because the moment I arrived in the house, I sensed again that the atmosphere
had
changed. It hadn’t been my imagination. Now, especially at certain times of the day, I have the feeling that I’m missing something; that there are conversations going on where I can’t hear them. I feel unsettled and awkward when I’m alone in certain rooms.
Fortunately, that doesn’t happen very often. Someone walks in and dissipates whatever it is that’s odd about the atmosphere. Bad vibes are here, somewhere, and it worries me that I can’t quite pin down where they’re coming from or why. At my most paranoid, I think: it’s me. They’re attached to me, somehow. I’ve brought them to Salix House. It was perfectly okay before I came but now that I’ve moved in, things seem not to be exactly as they were before. But I feel fine in my room.
The girls were happy to see me. Eva seemed pleased too. I haven’t a clue if I’m capable of being a nanny but, for the moment, I’ve decided to put my journalistic ambitions on hold, while I deal with everything that’s happened recently. The pay’s decent and I get bed and board, no rent to pay. I like the girls. The job isn’t very hard and I don’t have very much to do. I have to take them to school, fetch them at the end of the day. I help them with homework if they need it. I like Eva especially and it makes me happy to think that I’ll get to know her better. Perhaps I’ll even be able to help her when it comes to leaving Salix House. And I’m far away from Simon and everything that reminds me of him, which is good, even if there’s no way I’ll be able to escape from his terrible accusation.
During the last few days, I’ve learned certain things about this house and about Eva and her family. However carefully you’ve interviewed someone (and I thought I’d done a thorough job of it) you can’t know what their lives are like. Not really. Not until you share a house with them.
On my first night here, I couldn’t sleep. Something woke me up. I opened my eyes in the unfamiliar bed and listened. Houses make strange noises. People often put the sounds down to plumbing: the pipes are heating up or cooling down or something. But this was different. I thought it might have been a floorboard creaking. I checked the time, thinking that perhaps it was someone waking up extra early. One of the girls, maybe, up before daybreak. But it was two in the morning. It couldn’t have been the girls.
I got out of bed and put my slippers and dressing gown on. The house was silent now but I knew I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep again for a while. I’ll go downstairs, I thought, and get myself a hot drink. I opened my door as quietly as I could and stood at the top of the stairs. A draught was blowing round my ankles and I looked down, astonished. This was the best insulated house I’d ever been in. I already knew that Eva liked warmth and in any case, where would any draught be coming from, up here? There were no windows opening on to the landing on the first floor. The front door was shut and so were all the hall windows. And then the draught stopped, just like that. It disappeared as suddenly as it had come. I puzzled over this as I crept downstairs, treading
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