were troubling her. Megan was intelligent and sensible. She seemed to like the girls. And after all, it would only be until they moved out of Salix House. Eva found herself hoping, almost as hard as the girls, that Megan would say yes. Megan looked up from her plate at last and said, ‘Well, that would be … it would be strange for me, because I don’t know how good a nanny I’d be, but I haven’t got anything else to do right now, so I don’t see why not. At least for the time being.’
Before Rowena had a chance to say anything, Dee jumped up and grabbed hold of one of Megan’s hands and Bridie took the other and they both started squeaking and jumping up and down.
‘Let go of her, girls, please,’ said Rowena, ‘Megan’ll change her mind about looking after you.’
‘You won’t, will you?’ Dee said. ‘We’ll be ever so good, promise.’
‘No, I won’t.’ She smiled at them. Rowena said, ‘Okay, kids, if you’ve had your breakfast, go off and play. Megan and I have to sort out the details. Come into the drawing room, Megan, and we’ll work everything out. Thank you so much for doing this. You’ve rescued the girls and me from a whole series of Nannies From Hell. How soon can you start?’
7
After I drove away from Salix House last Saturday, I spent a long time thinking about what Simon had told me. I felt sick at the thought that it might be true. Now Eva and Rowena had given me a way of leaving London, leaving everything behind. I could live in Salix House. I loved the house, although I had found that first night creepy. And what about what happened in that small downstairs lavatory? Was that only a product of how I was feeling? Aside from all that, which was probably just a product of my overactive imagination, could I be a nanny? Did I even like kids enough to spend hours looking after them? It wouldn’t be many hours. They were at school for most of the day. At least I’d be away from London and a long way away from Simon. If I were here, wouldn’t it be easier not to think about all the things I wanted to avoid, and work out what I wanted to do next?
I started making arrangements. From first thing on Monday, I was cleaning and tidying my flat. I wanted to leave it ready for the agent who was going to sublet it while I was away. I didn’t know how long I’d be working at Salix House, but I was sure it wouldn’t be all that long and I had every intention of continuing to look for work as a journalist and of moving back to my flat sometime. But looking after two children was different from anything I’d ever done, and it was a good way of not going over and over in my mind everything that had happened with Simon. I thought a lot about Eva, and what a shame it was that she was going to have to leave Salix House. There was something about the place now that hadn’t been there when I’d first gone to interview her. I’d been impressed then. I thought that everything I looked at was artistic and unusual and touched with a kind of
difference
. It was a special place. The first time I went there, Eva had shown me round the garden. We’d walked across the lawn and sat on the bench near the monkey-puzzle tree and Eva had seemed happy. She explained to me that making the garden was a kind of substitute for making the clothes. It gave her something creative to do and I could see she was proud of what she’d achieved. I was absolutely sure she didn’t want to leave the house. Now, maybe because both of us were unhappy, it felt as though the combination of our moods had had an effect on the fabric of the house. After spending more time there, I was thinking of it as slightly shabby and also a little unwelcoming. But what on earth did I mean,
unwelcoming?
Grow up, I told myself. The house was fine and you were just being stupid. Everything will be better once you’re there, once you’re busy with the girls. I moved in the following Sunday.
*
My bedroom in Salix House is practically the
Before Rowena had a chance to say anything, Dee jumped up and grabbed hold of one of Megan’s hands and Bridie took the other and they both started squeaking and jumping up and down.
‘Let go of her, girls, please,’ said Rowena, ‘Megan’ll change her mind about looking after you.’
‘You won’t, will you?’ Dee said. ‘We’ll be ever so good, promise.’
‘No, I won’t.’ She smiled at them. Rowena said, ‘Okay, kids, if you’ve had your breakfast, go off and play. Megan and I have to sort out the details. Come into the drawing room, Megan, and we’ll work everything out. Thank you so much for doing this. You’ve rescued the girls and me from a whole series of Nannies From Hell. How soon can you start?’
7
After I drove away from Salix House last Saturday, I spent a long time thinking about what Simon had told me. I felt sick at the thought that it might be true. Now Eva and Rowena had given me a way of leaving London, leaving everything behind. I could live in Salix House. I loved the house, although I had found that first night creepy. And what about what happened in that small downstairs lavatory? Was that only a product of how I was feeling? Aside from all that, which was probably just a product of my overactive imagination, could I be a nanny? Did I even like kids enough to spend hours looking after them? It wouldn’t be many hours. They were at school for most of the day. At least I’d be away from London and a long way away from Simon. If I were here, wouldn’t it be easier not to think about all the things I wanted to avoid, and work out what I wanted to do next?
I started making arrangements. From first thing on Monday, I was cleaning and tidying my flat. I wanted to leave it ready for the agent who was going to sublet it while I was away. I didn’t know how long I’d be working at Salix House, but I was sure it wouldn’t be all that long and I had every intention of continuing to look for work as a journalist and of moving back to my flat sometime. But looking after two children was different from anything I’d ever done, and it was a good way of not going over and over in my mind everything that had happened with Simon. I thought a lot about Eva, and what a shame it was that she was going to have to leave Salix House. There was something about the place now that hadn’t been there when I’d first gone to interview her. I’d been impressed then. I thought that everything I looked at was artistic and unusual and touched with a kind of
difference
. It was a special place. The first time I went there, Eva had shown me round the garden. We’d walked across the lawn and sat on the bench near the monkey-puzzle tree and Eva had seemed happy. She explained to me that making the garden was a kind of substitute for making the clothes. It gave her something creative to do and I could see she was proud of what she’d achieved. I was absolutely sure she didn’t want to leave the house. Now, maybe because both of us were unhappy, it felt as though the combination of our moods had had an effect on the fabric of the house. After spending more time there, I was thinking of it as slightly shabby and also a little unwelcoming. But what on earth did I mean,
unwelcoming?
Grow up, I told myself. The house was fine and you were just being stupid. Everything will be better once you’re there, once you’re busy with the girls. I moved in the following Sunday.
*
My bedroom in Salix House is practically the
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