Consequences by Elyse Draper

thoughts. The kid didn’t actually
kill anyone.
    “I hold myself responsible. How could I not?
I understood exactly what my involvement would lead to … and
instead of saving life, I pushed the situation right in to a
bonfire. Influenced by V or not, I was the one who changed the
sniper’s orders, and I was the one who pushed James into his
tantrum. The worst part of that night, came after I stepped out of
the shower."
    "You have to understand … there are side
effects to functioning with endorphins running for that long:
primarily the exhaustion, when they wear off. While in the shower,
I started to calm down … reasoning through the events. Would anyone
identify me from the lobby? No, the few people standing around were
distracted by the sound and looking at the holes in the glass, not
even noticing me. Security cameras were shut off by the gunmen, a
momentary malfunction while they killed me.
    "By the time I climbed out of the shower, I
wasn’t able to stand any longer. I managed to make it to the bed,
where I collapsed. Lune climbed up next to me, obviously happy I no
longer smelled scary, and curled up against my side.
    "Have you ever thought you had woken from a
dream, but you were still trapped in sleep … paralyzed, unable to
move, panic smothering you? My muscles refused to answer; I
couldn’t even roll over from the uncomfortable position I’d folded
into when I fell on the bed. Within ten minutes, I could feel my
hips and back starting to ache, and then I couldn’t feel anything,
as I slipped into unconsciousness.
    "I’m not sure how long I lay there, not
moving. When the screaming started echoing in my head, at first, I
thought I was having a nightmare … reliving James’s tantrum that
led to his father’s death. Then the stabbing pain in my back made
itself known, and my head started to pound. I was able to open my
eyes and finally roll over into a better position, easing the knots
in my back and side … but that was all I could do.
    "Laying on my back staring at the ceiling, I
cringed listening to James screaming incoherent insults at V. I
realized V had no power over me, for now … emotionally, I was
completely numb, indifferent, broken. When V’s question came at me
through his hollow gasp of a voice, I barely had the strength to
answer … what did I want to do about James? James had turned
against me, and then put me in danger because he couldn’t control
his temper, now he was determined to force me to injure myself.
Even if that meant screaming and forcing his poisonous emotions on
me forever, until I took my own life in order to stop the noise.
Without even trying to sit up, I told V to kill him.
    “Either trying to hide, or seek out mutual
comfort, Lune wedged his head under my neck as the guttural
screaming started. This wasn’t anger, or a whining tantrum … I lay
there paralyzed and listened to James’s death wails, as V destroyed
him. Like a cat playing with his catch, V was in no hurry to give
James an easy escape.
    “I didn’t want to touch either of their minds
intentionally, or accidentally, so I tried to focus on Lune’s
breathing and the hot air he was blowing on my neck. After, what I
assume to be, about twenty minutes, I couldn’t keep the bile
flowing up the back of my throat. I didn’t know when I ate or drank
anything last … it wouldn’t have mattered anyway, because I would
have thrown it all up when I came back from the hotel slaughter.
With nothing to dilute the stomach acids now entering my mouth, all
I could do was turn my head to the side and gag. Slowly turning the
rest of my body to the side and pulling my knees up into a fetal
position, I covered both Lune’s and my head with a pillow.
Listening to my own muted sobs, I slipped back into
unconsciousness.”
    Christopher’s expression changed into a mask:
slack, pale, and tired … sweat speckled his forehead. I didn't
press for any more answers; I know none will come. I walk over to
the pen and place