Consequences by Elyse Draper Page A

the bird in Ursa’s bowl, hoping to tempt her into
eating it … she has to keep up her strength for Artemis now. As I
turn back to the table, Christopher has left. Curious, I walk back
and pick up our mugs, placing them in the kitchen sink, while
watching him slowly slide into his room, and close the door with a
soft click.

Chapter 8
Growing Pains

*Christopher*
    Opening up to Michael, and exposing the
fragile underbelly of my broken psyche, brings about an exhaustion
that rivals the side effects of V's manipulation. I hate that I may
have ruined Michael’s opinion of me. Hurting my friends seems to be
the norm for me, anymore.
    “Apparently, so has self-pity,
Christopher.”
    “Ellie, where have you been? If you had been
here, maybe I wouldn’t be in the condition that I am now.” My words
are partially muffled by my pillow as I lie down on the bed.
    “I can do nothing to ease the pain of your
choices. You have to accept them, good and bad. They were decisions
that you brought into being … the happiness, as well as the pain,
and the consequences are yours alone to endure.”
    My eyelids are growing heavy; drained of
energy … all that is left to feel, is shame. Embarrassment, over
what I had allowed to happen, burn my tear ducts. I haven’t
finished telling Michael the entire story. I told him how I hid
from the horror of James’s death like a coward, but I neglected to
tell him that I didn’t regret pulling the trigger leading to
James's excruciating end. I had become completely indifferent,
reduced to the sociopath that James wanted me so badly to be. Lying
there, on that bed in Vegas, unable to move, unable to withdraw
from what I’d seen, I realized, I had no more connections to the
world outside the ethereal veil ... and I wished for a death that
might return me to Ellie.
    Back in Montana, before slipping into
unconsciousness, I hear Ellie’s voice one last time, “Are you so
ready to feed yourself to the wolves … just promise me that you’ll
finish telling Michael everything. You need to tell the whole
story, Christopher, and then maybe you’ll actually be able to
accept that what you accomplished in the end was right. Maybe you
will realize that you can forgive yourself … that in the end, you
tried to make the honorable choice. You’re only human.”
    It isn’t until her voice starts to fade that
I notice she hasn't been touching me, there were no sparks
preceding her words. I write it off as maybe I am asleep, or
perhaps I am just imagining her voice. Luckily, Michael is going to
be here until tomorrow, and then he will have to report back to
work.
    Thankful for his help, I let the waves of
shame take me under, for now. Yes, that is what I need to do, fold
myself into sleep and allow my subconscious deal with how exposed
and vulnerable I have become.
    **~~**
    Stiff and sore, I open my eyes and take in
the morning light. For a moment, I stare at the stream of sunshine
flowing from the east; the rays are higher in the sky than when I
woke the day before. Chastising myself for actually sleeping until
the next day, I rise to get a jump start on my chores, and
hopefully make breakfast before Michael has to leave. Cracking the
door, I listen carefully to see if anyone else is awake. Satisfied
that I might be able to pay back Michael’s kindness with at least
breakfast, I hurry to turn on the teakettle, start the generator,
and stoke the fire.
    Cord of wood in hand, I glance in the
whelping pen; Lune looks up at me, communicating that he is happy
to see me up and around. To my eyes, his spirit has grown so much
in the past nine months; I am in wonder that he continues to choose
me for a companion. Artemis is sleeping curled up to her mother’s
belly; her stomach is round and full, obviously just done with
eating her breakfast. I pick her up and hold her warm little body
close to my chest as I let the adults outside. Some of Ursa and
Lune’s enthusiasm returns to normal as they leap into the