Confessions of a teacher: Because school isn't quite what you remember it to be... by Jane Salomon

copy us!". Callum is now on the offensive: "You're the ones who sent Declan to copy us first because you know we're far better than you with this French rubbish!". I can sense that I have to diffuse the situation quite quickly and announces, at the same time as being busily searching my bag for the sweets, that it looks like there are several winners and the final decision will rest with me. Still searching the depth of my school bag, I suddenly become aware that a sudden silence and stiffness has descended upon the group. I look up and see all the kids sitting quietly in their seats, throwing me looks of warning. If they could speak, it would be like being at a pantomime: "Behind you! Behind you!". Behind me stands the new headmaster, bald head shining more than usual, accusatory eyes going from me to the class and back to me. "Miss Salomon.", he starts sternly, "I've come to see how the fourth years are doing so close to their exams and examine the learning that takes place". If I read between the lines, I hear loud and clear: "This is a shamble! They're not learning anything!". A million explanations rush through my head. I feel like saying to him: "Why did you have to come in today of all days? Had you come any other time you would have seen them sitting at their desk, writing stuff silently (okay, that may be pushing it a bit with this lot), or reading or doing normal exercises. Of course, this is French. It's not one of these subjects you can teach by placing an exercise book in front of them". Reasons, I have many but none of them are forthcoming in view of the precarious situation I find myself in. Luckily, the kids come to my rescue. I have always found surprising how they can be your biggest enemy most of the time but rally round you when you, as their teacher, are under attack. In the face of adversity, they'll invariably choose your camp. Jonathan the hummer puts his hand up. The headmaster looks at him quizzically before allowing him to speak. Full of the importance of his declaration, Jonathan stands up and clears his throat in the manner of an orator about to deliver the most powerful speech of his entire career. "I'd like to say, I think it's really good the way miss Salomon. makes us do games like this. It makes learning a lot more fun and we can remember a lot of French words now. I just wanted to say that". Jonathan sits back down and the headmaster nods quietly, even though I can see he's not fully convinced by Jonathan's argument. I'm just relieved he doesn't know enough French to put the theory to the test. "Well thank you miss Salomon., that was most enlightening" he declares upon leaving the room. Well, he can think what he wants. Today, the Chimps have done me proud in their very own peculiar way. Because of that, I declare them all winners and they can have two sweeties each as they leave the room. I even toy with the idea of revealing to Jonathan, who is a well versed late comer, that he just challenged the man who is planning to put him in a detention centre but maybe this is another battle to be fought later.
     
     
    The SMT (Senior Management Team and aka KGB) has lost its shimmer since the new Head appeared on the scene. There's certainly not much of a T for team remaining and, increasingly, decisions are taken at the top without bothering too much about letting the relevant parties know what's going on. The KGB is now divided between those who are in position but thoroughly miserable and those who have been temporarily appointed until the posts could be advertised and made permanent. This latter category is sub-divided in two camps: those who can't wait to get back to their previous position when they see what and who is on offer, and those who would stop at nothing to get the job when the time comes. In the midst of all this, Jim and Karen have announced their decision to retire at the end of the school year. Eleanor has lost her eloquence and is more often than not hovering along the