place is so crowded that we must eat and bathe in shifts. There is always someone bumping into me whenever I move, always someone in the privy when I have to go, someone's finger in my business, someone's stink in my nose. The bathwater is always scummy by the time it's my turn, and the noise never stops, even at night, because someone is always talking, snoring, coughing, or weeping. But although I long for solitude, I am dying of loneliness. The others treat me as an outsider, and I don't like them either. And there's nothing to do except the same things. Every day is like the last, and we don't get to go out often enough.
Yesterday was very hot, with thunder grumbling like angry dragons. We went for a picnic in the hills. I wore my green kimono with the willow leaf pattern. We drank sake and were very merry until all of a sudden, pouring rain! We shrieked and hurried into the. palanquins while servants ran around packing up the food. What great fun to see those haughty senior concubines drenched and squawking like wet hens!-particularly after they had mocked my rustic manners.
Last night I entertained His Excellency again. I wore my red satin kimono printed with lucky characters so that I might bear him a son and be rich and happy for the rest of my life, like Lady Keisho-in.
As Sano had expected, Harume's pillow book resembled those written by imperial court ladies of centuries past, who had documented the trivia of life rather than important historic events. About such great occasions as the last, Harume gave no details: Even na‹ve young girls knew that any careless remark about the shogun could bring harsh censure, including dismissal or even death. Harume must also have feared that nosy comrades would read her pillow book and take revenge for unfavorable portrayals. Lady Ichiteru and Lieutenant Kushida appeared only in the middle of a long list entitled "Things I Dislike About Living in Edo Castle":
39. Being served the tough, crusty rice from the bottom of the pot because the senior concubines get the best food.
40. Ichiteru, who thinks she's better than everyone else just because she's the emperor's cousin.
41. The monthly health examinations, and Dr. Kitano's cold hands on my private parts.
42. Lieutenant Kushida-a terrible pest.
In subsequent passages there was no indication of any particular animosity or quarrel that could have led to her murder. Sano was growing drowsy. He turned to the last page.
Yesterday we went on a pilgrimage to Kannon Temple. I love the Asakusa district because the streets are so busy that the guards and palace officials can't keep a close watch over us. We can escape them and wander through the marketplace, buying food and souvenirs at the stalls, having our fortunes told, watching the pilgrims, priests, children, and sacred doves: Freedom!
I hurry along the narrow lanes to the inn. As usual, there's a room already reserved for me, so I slip through the pine groves and bamboo thickets that surround the inn like a small forest. My room is in the rear building-very private. I go inside, close the door, and wait. Soon I hear footsteps crunching on the gravel path. They stop outside my room-
Sano was now wide awake and fully alert. So Lady Harume had used her freedom for secret assignations.
-and I see his tall, thin shadow on the paper window. There's a hole in the pane, and his eye appears. But he doesn't speak, and neither do I. Pretending I'm alone, I slowly take off my cloak. I untie my sash and let my outer- and under-kimonos drop to the floor, facing the window so he can see me, but never meeting his eye.
His shadow stirs. Naked, I run my hands over my breasts, sighing and licking my lips. His garments rustle as he parts them and loosens his loincloth. I lie on the floor cushions. I spread my legs wide, my womanhood open to him. I caress myself with my fingers. Faster and faster, moaning, arching my back, tossing my head with a pleasure I don't really feel. He gasps and
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