Commitments by Barbara Delinsky

' that, or he's got a hot mistress on the side., She shot the ceiling a helpless look. ' can't believe I said that. It must be the warm air in here.' She was feeling a little light-headed. It had to be the air. ' you uncomfortable? '
    the heat? A little.' ' this prison.' ' little.' ''s honest.' '
    try/ she said, but she was puzzled. She did feel that she could he honest with Derek, which was why she was blurting out the little things that she'd otherwise have kept to herself. But she didn't understand it. For one thing, she'd thought she was going to have to measure each word, to sort out the acceptable from those that were offensive or tactless, but she wasn't doing that. For another thing, there were guards in ' ihe room, guards in the halls, bars Ind fences and electronic surveillance, and still she felt free. It had to have something to do with Derek, with the fact that he was removed from the rest of society, that he had pain just as she did, that on some very basic level she trusted him. As she stood there looking up at him, she thought of trust. She also thought about how tall he was and how broad his shoulders. She'd dumped the incident with Nicky on those shoulders, and they'd held it well. Somehow she'd known they would. Derek, who'd spent the last sixteen-and-a-half months fighting for his life, would very happily have drowned in her eyes just then. He didn't get the chance, though, because the moment was shattered by the crack of the door as it slammed on its hinges. His 98
    head shot around. One of the guards had taken off after a prisoner who'd left in a fury. ' wasthat about?' Sabrina whispered, shaken. Derek, too, was shaken. He thought he was used to the sudden spurts of violence, but he was wrong. Vho knows/he muttered, then cleared his throat and forced a look around. ', want to sit down?' She nodded. He led the way, to a pair of chairs, let her choose one and sit before following suit. This time he sat closer, facing her with his chair turned only enough to allow for leg room. And Sabrina didn't mind. She wanted the closeness. Derek was her buffer from the prison's darkest sides. @Are you okay?' he asked, searching her face for the kind of momentary panic that he knew from experience could hit when the prison air closed in. '-huh.' ' look tired.' ''m always tired.' He gave her a very slow, very thorough once-over in an attempt to lighten the mood. ' you do look springlike.' The once-over had been nice - not lecherous or suggestive but cognizant of her femininity. It wasn't often nowadays that Sabrina felt feminine. A shrew wasn't feminine. Nor was a diaper changer or a strained-beef feeder or a mini-limb exerciser. She liked feeling feminine. It relaxed her. It brought a flush to her cheeks and made her feel a little less tired and, yes, even a little springlike. She plucked at her sweater. It was a cotton knit, white with splashes of pale blue and peach, and it fen low over a long, peach skirt. ' time my sweater was mohair, and I thought I'd melt. This Page 34
    Barbara Delinsky - Commitments
    one's cooler.' 99 She tucked in her chin and studied the sweater. '
    March I'm sick of winter. I need a pick-me-up. A new sweater does the trick every time., She cleared her throat. ''s another of my faults.
    "What is? Suying.' ' like to spend?' She raised her eyes to his and announced, ', not spend. Buy.' ' buying requires spending.' '
    the spending is incidental to the buyin& which is the part I enjoy. When I get upset, I buy. It's not boredom, because God knows I have enough to do when I'm free without running over to Third Avenue. And it's not to spite Nicholas, because I support the habit myself. And it's not because I need anything ...' She didn't have to finish. ' pamper myself, I guess. I keep looking for a deep psychological meanin& but I can't find one. When I get upset, I buy.' Derek was thinking that if Nicholas Stone pampered her, she wouldn't have to pamper herself. He was thinking, that Nicholas Stone