Commitments by Barbara Delinsky Page B

revenge was private and very, vezy personal. Sabrina saw the look in his eye and wanted to get away from the topic of revenge as quickly as possible. It was dangerous and ugly and frightening. ' what you meant/ she said, '
    that you want to return to investigative reporting.' ''s right."
    "And the discrepancy between want and will?' '.' it took her a minute to follow, and when she did she was skeptical. ' one will hire you? I don't believe that, You have the talent. You have the name. You obviously have the following, if what happened to Outside Insight accounts for anything. Fame, notoriety - both work in the field of entertainment.' ' killed a man, Sabrina/he said tightly. She didn't blink. ' know.' ' may not bother you, but it sure as hell may bother Ms. and Mr. Middle America out there.' 103 q was under the impression that your audience was a little more savvy than the average.' ', not all; and besides, before I get to the audience, I have to pass through the producers and the network. If they think that potential sponsors will shy away from a murderer, I'm sunk.' ' you acted in self-defense.' q was convicted.'He could feel the agitation growing, as it always did, at the injustice of it. The day-to-day hell of prison We was controllable through carefully constructed defenses and mind-numbing techniques; the mental anguish wasn't. The agony held felt when the jury's verdict had been returned had long since become a visceral thing. Frustration spread through every muscle in his body like a noxious gas, making him wire-tight and clammy. if held been in his cell, he'd have dropped to the floor and done push-ups to oblivion. Now, though, all he could do was to tap his foot, clench his jaw and say, ' was found guilty.' '
    jury doesn't have the final say. Not in this day and age./ ', I'm doing time! How much more final a say - I '!' came a sharp bark from one of the nearby guards. Derek whipped his head around in time to see the guard arch a brow and aim a rigid thumb toward the door. ''s cool, I he said, holding up both hands. ''m cool.' With carefully measured movements that belied the pounding in his chest, he turned back to Sabrina. She was staring at his neck. Her fingers flexed, then left her lap. Derek was caught in a crossfire. He wanted her touch. He wanted, no, needed, no, was desperate for something soft and warm and caring. But he was . 104 "--,1tpmted His skin was infused with prison air and prison grime, and if she touched him, she'd feel it and be repulsed. indecision held him immobile for seconds too long or perhaps it wasn't indecision at all, but the reverse. Held be touched. He'd see what she felt. Feather-light, her fingers probed the ridged scar. This is new/ she said with unnatural calm. Vhat happened?' Her fingers remained on his skin. Not repulsion. Oh God. in the space of a blink, he tuned out the guard and his threat, the jury and its verdict, the future and _its haze. He concentrated on those small spots of heat where Sabrina's fingers gently touched his skin. Re didn't want to move, didn't want to rock the -boat, scare her away, unintentionally dislodge her fingers, lose her touch for any reason. Breathing as shallowly as possible, he said, ' was cut.' She gave him a do-tell look, then whispered, '?' "A razor.' ' you're going to tell me you were shaving '/ he murmured back, still barely moving, barely breathing, ' of the other guys was shaving. Two of them started to fight. I got in the middle.' The words echoed in his mind, reverberating Page 36
    Barbara Delinsky - Commitments
    in and around other words spoken years before and worlds away. He was ten. He was trying to worm his way out of a beating. His mother had him by the scruff of the neck and was shaking him ... But it wasn't his mother's hand on his neck. It was Sabrina's, and the only shaking going on was something akin to a tremor deep in his belly. She moved her palm to cover the scar, letting her fingers curve gently around the back of his