decide what you want to do. Winter term doesn’t start for another eight weeks. I spoke with my brother; he says Julliard is willing to take you whenever you’re ready. Everyone understands that your mom’s dea—”
“It’s not about Mom dying. It’s about me living.”
His face is blank; he looks lost. “I want you to be happy.”
“Then let me mess up, on my own terms, Dad.” I wipe away the tears that are filling my eyes. “Don’t hold me so tight. Let me fail. Let me try. Let me—”
“Go?”
My shoulders drop. I shake my head. “I don’t want you to let me go, Dad. I just want to be set free.”
“Free? Sweetheart, what can freedom give you? You need security. You need stability.”
“Dad, keeping me in your box is not going to make me happy.”
“But it will keep you safe.” He looks so weary. Even in his red tie and power suit, I can tell that he’s scared of losing me like he lost Mom.
“Oh, Dad,” I say, softening. “Mom dying made me doubt everything I knew, caused me to withdraw more than I ever have before. Which is saying something; I’m a recluse by nature. I’ve never liked the limelight. But I don’t want to live in anyone’s shadow anymore. Especially not my own.”
Dad reaches for my hand, squeezing it tight.
“Evangeline, I don’t want to lose you, too.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m just learning to stand on my own.”
“What if you fall?”
“Then I’ll get back up, Dad.”
“Will you let me help you get where you want to go, even if I don’t understand why?”
“I think that’s all I’ve ever wanted, Dad.”
And, for the first time in my life, I see him as more than an enemy, more than a person trying to vie for Mom’s attention.
Maybe he’s been an ally all along, in a war neither of us wanted to fight.
I just never knew he would want to be on my side.
D ay Twenty-Eight
Dad’s words ring in my ears.
He won’t fight me on seeing Cash.
I pick up my phone. I want to call him. Apologize, or explain, or just hear his voice.
Maybe I should let him finish the tour before I mess with his head.
I drop the phone and look over at my baby grand.
My fingers itch. My heart swells.
I sit down on the piano bench, open the lid. I set my fingers down on the cold keys, and play until everything inside of me is warm.
I smile, realizing that as soon as Dad stopped pushing me, I wanted back in.
That’s okay. It isn’t a fight.
It’s the song I needed to let play out.
Chapter Twenty
Cassius
S how Thirty-Two
T his time , Gina tries. She’s at my hotel room in Baltimore. I’m off the tour bus for the night, and the last thing I need is her showing up. She should be gone.
“I know things got complicated, Cash, but I was confused.”
“Confused?” I say.
“Give me another chance,” she pleads. “I need you, Cash. I never should have left you for Chad.”
“I wasn’t good enough for you when I didn’t have a record deal. And then you thought Chad was the one who was gonna go the farthest, so you latched onto him. You didn’t believe in me,” I tell her.
“You’d rather be alone than be with me?”
Security is down the hall, watching Gina and me. My assistant, Jared, is too. I’m never alone anymore.
“What, you think you can have some rich girl now that you’re so fancy?”
I don’t answer, but my face must say plenty, because Gina comes back with the truth. “What, like that producer’s daughter? Baby, you aren’t good enough for her. You went to prison for nearly killing a man. A girl like her could never understand you.”
“You need to leave, Gina,” I tell her, having known her long enough to know she doesn’t intend to drop this unless I walk away, shut a door in her face.
“It’s not over, Cash. Your brother, he’s pissed. He’s gonna come after you.”
“He can’t hurt me.”
She smirks, shrugs, then slinks away like the snake she is.
S how Thirty-Six
T he tour bus is parked behind the
“It’s not about Mom dying. It’s about me living.”
His face is blank; he looks lost. “I want you to be happy.”
“Then let me mess up, on my own terms, Dad.” I wipe away the tears that are filling my eyes. “Don’t hold me so tight. Let me fail. Let me try. Let me—”
“Go?”
My shoulders drop. I shake my head. “I don’t want you to let me go, Dad. I just want to be set free.”
“Free? Sweetheart, what can freedom give you? You need security. You need stability.”
“Dad, keeping me in your box is not going to make me happy.”
“But it will keep you safe.” He looks so weary. Even in his red tie and power suit, I can tell that he’s scared of losing me like he lost Mom.
“Oh, Dad,” I say, softening. “Mom dying made me doubt everything I knew, caused me to withdraw more than I ever have before. Which is saying something; I’m a recluse by nature. I’ve never liked the limelight. But I don’t want to live in anyone’s shadow anymore. Especially not my own.”
Dad reaches for my hand, squeezing it tight.
“Evangeline, I don’t want to lose you, too.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m just learning to stand on my own.”
“What if you fall?”
“Then I’ll get back up, Dad.”
“Will you let me help you get where you want to go, even if I don’t understand why?”
“I think that’s all I’ve ever wanted, Dad.”
And, for the first time in my life, I see him as more than an enemy, more than a person trying to vie for Mom’s attention.
Maybe he’s been an ally all along, in a war neither of us wanted to fight.
I just never knew he would want to be on my side.
D ay Twenty-Eight
Dad’s words ring in my ears.
He won’t fight me on seeing Cash.
I pick up my phone. I want to call him. Apologize, or explain, or just hear his voice.
Maybe I should let him finish the tour before I mess with his head.
I drop the phone and look over at my baby grand.
My fingers itch. My heart swells.
I sit down on the piano bench, open the lid. I set my fingers down on the cold keys, and play until everything inside of me is warm.
I smile, realizing that as soon as Dad stopped pushing me, I wanted back in.
That’s okay. It isn’t a fight.
It’s the song I needed to let play out.
Chapter Twenty
Cassius
S how Thirty-Two
T his time , Gina tries. She’s at my hotel room in Baltimore. I’m off the tour bus for the night, and the last thing I need is her showing up. She should be gone.
“I know things got complicated, Cash, but I was confused.”
“Confused?” I say.
“Give me another chance,” she pleads. “I need you, Cash. I never should have left you for Chad.”
“I wasn’t good enough for you when I didn’t have a record deal. And then you thought Chad was the one who was gonna go the farthest, so you latched onto him. You didn’t believe in me,” I tell her.
“You’d rather be alone than be with me?”
Security is down the hall, watching Gina and me. My assistant, Jared, is too. I’m never alone anymore.
“What, you think you can have some rich girl now that you’re so fancy?”
I don’t answer, but my face must say plenty, because Gina comes back with the truth. “What, like that producer’s daughter? Baby, you aren’t good enough for her. You went to prison for nearly killing a man. A girl like her could never understand you.”
“You need to leave, Gina,” I tell her, having known her long enough to know she doesn’t intend to drop this unless I walk away, shut a door in her face.
“It’s not over, Cash. Your brother, he’s pissed. He’s gonna come after you.”
“He can’t hurt me.”
She smirks, shrugs, then slinks away like the snake she is.
S how Thirty-Six
T he tour bus is parked behind the
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