then wheel it on a carriage around the Inner Court for the whole congregation to abuse similarly; so that the whole Temple stinks like the Great Sewer. It is a secret ceremony. No non-Jews are admitted to it and the Jews themselves are not allowed to speak about it under penalty of a curse. Besides, they are ashamed. You understand everything now, don’t you? The leading Jews are afraid that if your statue were erected in the Temple it would cause profound misunderstandings; that in their religious fanaticism the common people would subject it to the gravest indignities, while thinking to honour you by their zeal. But, as I say, natural delicacy and the holy silence imposed on them have prevented them from explaining to our friend Petronius why they would rather die than allow him to put your orders into execution. It is lucky that I am here to tell you what they are unable to tell: I am only a Jew on my mother’s side, so that perhaps frees me from the curse. In any case I am risking it, for your sake.’
Caligula drank all this in with perfect credulity and even I was half-convinced by Herod’s gravity. All that Caligula said was: ‘If the fools had been, as frank with me as you have been, my dearest Herod, it would have saved us all a lot of trouble. You don’t think that Petronius has yet carried out my orders?’
‘I hope for your sake that he has not,’ Herod replied.
So Caligula wrote Petronius a short letter: ‘If you have already put my Statue in the Temple, as I ordered, let it stand; but see that the rites are closely supervised by armed Roman soldiers. If not, disband your army and forget about the matter. On the advice of King Herod Agrippa, I have come to the conclusion that the Temple in question is an extremely unsuitable place for my Sacred Statue to be erected.’
This letter crossed with the one Petronius had written. Caligula was furious that Petronius should dare to write as he did, attempting to make him change his mind on mere grounds of humanity.
He replied: Since you appear to value the bribes of the Jews more highly than. my Imperial Will, my advice to you is to kill yourself quickly and painlessly before I make such an example of you, as will horrify all future ages.’
As it happened, Caligula’s second letter arrived late - the ship lost its mainmast between Rhodes and Cyprus and lay disabled for several days - so that the news of Caligula’s death arrived at Caesarea first. Petronius almost embraced Judaism, he was so relieved.
This ends the first part of the story of Herod Agrippa, but you shall hear the rest as I continue to tell my own.
Chapter 5
So here we are back again at the point where I was being carried round the great court of the Palace on the shoulders of two corporals of the Guard, with the Household Battalion of Germans crowding about me and dedicating their assegais to my service. Eventually I prevailed on the corporals to put me down and on four Germans to fetch my sedan. They brought it and I climbed into it. I was told that they had decided to take me to the Guards’ Camp at the other side of the City, where I would be protected from possible attempts at assassination. I was beginning to protest again when I saw a glint of colour at the back of the crowd. A purple-sleeved arm was waving at me in a peculiar circular motion which brought back memories of my schooldays. I said to the soldiers: ‘I think I see King Herod Agrippa. If he wishes to speak to me, let him come through at once.’
When Caligula was murdered Herod had not been far off. He had followed us out of the theatre but had been led aside by one of the conspirators, who pretended that he wished him to speak to Caligula about some favour. So Herod did not witness the actual murder. If I knew him as well as think I did, he would certainly have saved Caligula’s life by some trick or other; and now when he came upon the dead body he showed his gratitude for past favours in no uncertain terms. He
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