Circle of Friends, Part 2 by Susan Mallery

didn’t shoot him. Dev, Jimmy’s course was set a long time ago. You couldn’t save him by staying and I couldn’t save him by leaving.”
    Dev stared at his father. “What are you talking about?”
    â€œI left because of Jimmy. I thought maybe if I wasn’t around to be a bad influence, he’d do better. My father said he could make things right with Jimmy and I believed him.”
    â€œThat’s not true,” Dev said angrily. “You said you were leaving so I wouldn’t turn out like you. I was the reason you left.”
    His father frowned. “Noelle mentioned something about that. I...” The older man swore. “Dev, I am so sorry. You were sharing a room. Do you remember? Jimmy was having nightmares after his mother died, so we put that air mattress into your room. The night I came to say goodbye, I was talking to Jimmy, not you.”
    Dev didn’t have to close his eyes to remember that night. It had been late, well after midnight, and he’d awakened to find his father standing in the doorway. The hall light had been on and his father’s face had been in shadow. Dev hadn’t been able to read his dad’s expression, but he still remembered the pain of his father’s words. Words not even meant for him.
    â€œI thought you left because of me,” he repeated slowly.
    His father half rose, then sank back into his chair. “That explains a lot. I wondered why you never wrote me back. I knew you’d be angry and hurt because of my leaving. I just didn’t know...” Jackson Hunter suddenly looked old and broken.
    â€œWhy would I ever worry about you turning out like me?” his father asked. “You’re too much like your grandfather for that to happen.”
    There was something about the way he made the statement. “Didn’t you and your father get along?”
    Jackson laughed. “About as well as you and Jimmy. He wanted me to follow in his footsteps. To be responsible and take over the company. I wasn’t interested in that.” He shrugged. “Or anything. I lacked ambition. Your grandfather couldn’t forgive that.”
    Dev couldn’t get his mind around the information. From the time he was sixteen years old, he’d defined himself by his father’s words. To not turn out like him. But as he hadn’t known what his father meant, the path had been shaded and confusing.
    â€œI screwed up,” his father said. “By trying not to screw up, I made things worse. I’m sorry, Dev. If I’d known, I would have stayed and...” He paused and took a sip of his coffee. “Sorry, no. That’s crap. I would have left anyway.”
    â€œBecause of Mom?”
    His father nodded. “That’s my guilt.”
    â€œYou didn’t love her,” Dev said, confident of this fact. “Why didn’t you? It was all she ever wanted.”
    He didn’t want to say more, or accuse too strongly. He had his own demons in the not-loving department.
    â€œI did love her,” his father said slowly. “As much as I could. But it wasn’t enough. She was a black hole of emotion. She wanted to suck the life out of me and even that wasn’t enough. Early on, I thought her neediness was charming. It made me feel like a man to take care of her. But after a while, I found I couldn’t breathe without being strangled.”
    Dev didn’t know what to say. His father’s words had nothing to do with the warm, loving memories he had. His mother had always been there for him. She’d waited until he got home from school and then she’d wanted them to be together constantly until his father got home. They’d played games and talked.
    He frowned. Now that he thought about it, he realized his mother hadn’t wanted him to bring friends home, nor had she liked him to go hang out at someone else’s house. About the time he’d started to rebel