pushed on.
And to the river we finally came.
Beyond the tall grass, it was red with the light of the sun that was almost gone away.
Many people were bathing in the river. People streamed down to the banks from all directions, and others had made camps nearby. We could hear the singing coming from everywhere, and songs blended into songs.
We ran into the water and the water came up to our knees. We washed our bodies and our clothes. We were singing and shouting. The cool air did not bother us, and we were soon warm and the water felt warm.
Cleopas came down from the back of the beast and walked into the river. He threw up his hands. He sang aloud so all could hear him.
"Praise to the Lord, Praise to the Lord, my soul, sing! While I live I will praise the Lord; I'll sing praises unto my God while I have any life in me; Put no trust in princes, nor in others, in whom there's no help; the breath of your men goes out of them; they return to the earth; in that very day their thoughts are gone, gone!"
All began to sing with him:
"Happy is the one that has the Lord of Jacob for his help!"
The whole river was full of singing, and those on the banks began to sing.
I'd never seen my uncle as he was now, looking up at the red sky, and with his arms up, and his face so full of his prayers. All the cleverness was gone from him. All the anger was gone. He didn't care about the people. He didn't sing for the people. He sang and sang without looking at anyone. He looked up at the sky, and I looked at it, at the sky darkening
with ribbons of red from the dying sun, and the first of the bright stars.
I moved through the water as I sang, and when I reached him, I put my arm up around his back, and felt him shivering under his robe that was trailing in the water.
He didn't even know I was there.
Stay with me. Lord, Father in Heaven, let him stay with us. Father in Heaven, I ask this! Is this too much? If I cannot have answers to my questions, let me have this man for a little while, for as long as you will.
I was weak. I needed to hold on to him or I would have fallen. Something happened. It happened quickly and then slowly. There was no more river, no more dark sky and no more of the singing, but all around me there were others and there were so many others that no one could count them; they were beyond the grains of sand in the desert or in the sea. Pl ease, please, with me, please, but if he has to die, so be it —. I reached out with both arms. I reached up. I knew, just for a moment, a tiny moment, the answer to everything, and I worried about nothing, but that moment vanished, and all these countless others went upward away from me, away from where I could see them and feel them.
Darkness. Stillness. People laughing and talking as they do late at night.
I opened my eyes. Something fled away from me, like the water washing away on a beach, just being pulled back, so big and strong you can't stop it. Gone, whatever it was. Gone.
I was afraid. But I was dry and wrapped up and it was soft here, soft and close and dark. The stars were sprinkled all over the sky. People still sang and there were lights moving everywhere, lights of lanterns and candles and fires by the tents. I was covered up and warm and my mother had her arm over me.
"What did I do?" I asked.
"You fell down in the river, you were tired, you were praying and you were tired. There were so many people, and you were praying and you cried out to the Lord. You're here now, and you go to sleep. I put you to bed. You close your eyes now, and when you wake in the morning, you'll eat and you'll be strong. It's all too much, and you're little but not little enough, and you're a big boy, but not big enough."
"But we're here and we're home," I said. "And something happened."
"No," she said. She meant it. She didn't understand. She smiled. I could see that in the firelight, and I could feel the heat of the fire. She told the truth as she always did. I looked over and saw
And to the river we finally came.
Beyond the tall grass, it was red with the light of the sun that was almost gone away.
Many people were bathing in the river. People streamed down to the banks from all directions, and others had made camps nearby. We could hear the singing coming from everywhere, and songs blended into songs.
We ran into the water and the water came up to our knees. We washed our bodies and our clothes. We were singing and shouting. The cool air did not bother us, and we were soon warm and the water felt warm.
Cleopas came down from the back of the beast and walked into the river. He threw up his hands. He sang aloud so all could hear him.
"Praise to the Lord, Praise to the Lord, my soul, sing! While I live I will praise the Lord; I'll sing praises unto my God while I have any life in me; Put no trust in princes, nor in others, in whom there's no help; the breath of your men goes out of them; they return to the earth; in that very day their thoughts are gone, gone!"
All began to sing with him:
"Happy is the one that has the Lord of Jacob for his help!"
The whole river was full of singing, and those on the banks began to sing.
I'd never seen my uncle as he was now, looking up at the red sky, and with his arms up, and his face so full of his prayers. All the cleverness was gone from him. All the anger was gone. He didn't care about the people. He didn't sing for the people. He sang and sang without looking at anyone. He looked up at the sky, and I looked at it, at the sky darkening
with ribbons of red from the dying sun, and the first of the bright stars.
I moved through the water as I sang, and when I reached him, I put my arm up around his back, and felt him shivering under his robe that was trailing in the water.
He didn't even know I was there.
Stay with me. Lord, Father in Heaven, let him stay with us. Father in Heaven, I ask this! Is this too much? If I cannot have answers to my questions, let me have this man for a little while, for as long as you will.
I was weak. I needed to hold on to him or I would have fallen. Something happened. It happened quickly and then slowly. There was no more river, no more dark sky and no more of the singing, but all around me there were others and there were so many others that no one could count them; they were beyond the grains of sand in the desert or in the sea. Pl ease, please, with me, please, but if he has to die, so be it —. I reached out with both arms. I reached up. I knew, just for a moment, a tiny moment, the answer to everything, and I worried about nothing, but that moment vanished, and all these countless others went upward away from me, away from where I could see them and feel them.
Darkness. Stillness. People laughing and talking as they do late at night.
I opened my eyes. Something fled away from me, like the water washing away on a beach, just being pulled back, so big and strong you can't stop it. Gone, whatever it was. Gone.
I was afraid. But I was dry and wrapped up and it was soft here, soft and close and dark. The stars were sprinkled all over the sky. People still sang and there were lights moving everywhere, lights of lanterns and candles and fires by the tents. I was covered up and warm and my mother had her arm over me.
"What did I do?" I asked.
"You fell down in the river, you were tired, you were praying and you were tired. There were so many people, and you were praying and you cried out to the Lord. You're here now, and you go to sleep. I put you to bed. You close your eyes now, and when you wake in the morning, you'll eat and you'll be strong. It's all too much, and you're little but not little enough, and you're a big boy, but not big enough."
"But we're here and we're home," I said. "And something happened."
"No," she said. She meant it. She didn't understand. She smiled. I could see that in the firelight, and I could feel the heat of the fire. She told the truth as she always did. I looked over and saw
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