of milk improved my outlook on the day. Grabbing a paperback book from my shelf, I spent the rest of the afternoon reading on my bed. By the time I had finished the first quarter of the book, I was dozing lightly in the midafternoon sun.
When I woke, Jamie was sitting on the end of my bed.
Sitting up, I quickly set the book on my bedside table and then adjusted my blankets, not looking at him. It was an effort to contain the hurt and the sense of loss I felt because he was in the room with me. The whole incident had become fairly abstract overnight, but with him sitting there, the realization and the memory came forcefully home. When I finally met his eyes, I noticed they were shadowed and a little bloodshot.
“You know why I have to do this,” he said, and the twinge of condescension in his voice made the bile rise in my throat. Of course I knew why he had to do it, why he needed to make out with little Suzy Geek in the band room: because I was a guy. That didn’t make it any easier, and that was exactly what I told him.
“Maybe you’ll just decide it’s easier to be with her,” I commented, tracing the geometric pattern on my sheets with my index finger. “She’s the right gender, has the right family, goes to the right church, and apparently has the right lips.”
“You’re right; it would be easier to be with her. There’s one major flaw in that plan, however,” he said, pausing for just a second as he grabbed my hand. My heart nearly stopped as I waited for him to tell me the argument that would cause it to start beating again. “She’s not the one I’m in love with.” My eyes met his as I realized the full impact of his admission. He’s in love with me. Jamie had just told me he loved me. For a long moment, I looked into his face, too shocked to speak, not even daring to breathe. But I found my voice.
“What?”
“I love you, Brian. The look on your face when you saw me with her, that horrible shocked, devastated look… it broke my heart. I almost told her then that it was over, but it wouldn’t have done either of us any good. She was already starting to get suspicious. That would have just sealed it for her.”
I wanted to tell him it didn’t matter, that we couldn’t be together anyway. We’d always have to hide, and he’d always have to lie and live in fear with me. I wanted to tell him that maybe it wasn’t worth it, that we couldn’t possibly hold this together. But I couldn’t, because it would have been a lie.
“I love you too, Jamie.” I had for what felt like my whole life, because really, my life hadn’t started until I came to the Schreibers. Although we had grown up together and shared the love of friends, it had grown into something more, something so much stronger. I leaned forward, wishing for nothing more than to seal the momentous occasion with a kiss, but it occurred to me that I hadn’t brushed my teeth since the day before. Just before our lips met, I clamped my hand over my mouth and jumped off the bed. After brushing my teeth and hair quickly in the bathroom across the hall, I returned within minutes to find Jamie absolutely cracking up on my bed.
“I thought you were going to be sick for a minute,” he laughed, trying to catch his breath. “Then I hear the water and the sounds of you brushing your teeth. So much for the perfect moment.” As I sat on the bed next to him, he leaned forward and captured my lips with his own. We weren’t wound around each other like we normally were when we kissed for the physical pleasure of it. The feeling of his hand wrapped around mine, that simple innocent gesture, was so perfect. Soft, tender kisses chased one another as we moved closer to each other, reveling in our intimacy. It wasn’t about sex.
It was about love.
7
I T HAD been a couple of weeks since I had stayed over at Jamie’s on a Saturday night. It would have looked suspicious for me to stay over every week, especially since he was dating
When I woke, Jamie was sitting on the end of my bed.
Sitting up, I quickly set the book on my bedside table and then adjusted my blankets, not looking at him. It was an effort to contain the hurt and the sense of loss I felt because he was in the room with me. The whole incident had become fairly abstract overnight, but with him sitting there, the realization and the memory came forcefully home. When I finally met his eyes, I noticed they were shadowed and a little bloodshot.
“You know why I have to do this,” he said, and the twinge of condescension in his voice made the bile rise in my throat. Of course I knew why he had to do it, why he needed to make out with little Suzy Geek in the band room: because I was a guy. That didn’t make it any easier, and that was exactly what I told him.
“Maybe you’ll just decide it’s easier to be with her,” I commented, tracing the geometric pattern on my sheets with my index finger. “She’s the right gender, has the right family, goes to the right church, and apparently has the right lips.”
“You’re right; it would be easier to be with her. There’s one major flaw in that plan, however,” he said, pausing for just a second as he grabbed my hand. My heart nearly stopped as I waited for him to tell me the argument that would cause it to start beating again. “She’s not the one I’m in love with.” My eyes met his as I realized the full impact of his admission. He’s in love with me. Jamie had just told me he loved me. For a long moment, I looked into his face, too shocked to speak, not even daring to breathe. But I found my voice.
“What?”
“I love you, Brian. The look on your face when you saw me with her, that horrible shocked, devastated look… it broke my heart. I almost told her then that it was over, but it wouldn’t have done either of us any good. She was already starting to get suspicious. That would have just sealed it for her.”
I wanted to tell him it didn’t matter, that we couldn’t be together anyway. We’d always have to hide, and he’d always have to lie and live in fear with me. I wanted to tell him that maybe it wasn’t worth it, that we couldn’t possibly hold this together. But I couldn’t, because it would have been a lie.
“I love you too, Jamie.” I had for what felt like my whole life, because really, my life hadn’t started until I came to the Schreibers. Although we had grown up together and shared the love of friends, it had grown into something more, something so much stronger. I leaned forward, wishing for nothing more than to seal the momentous occasion with a kiss, but it occurred to me that I hadn’t brushed my teeth since the day before. Just before our lips met, I clamped my hand over my mouth and jumped off the bed. After brushing my teeth and hair quickly in the bathroom across the hall, I returned within minutes to find Jamie absolutely cracking up on my bed.
“I thought you were going to be sick for a minute,” he laughed, trying to catch his breath. “Then I hear the water and the sounds of you brushing your teeth. So much for the perfect moment.” As I sat on the bed next to him, he leaned forward and captured my lips with his own. We weren’t wound around each other like we normally were when we kissed for the physical pleasure of it. The feeling of his hand wrapped around mine, that simple innocent gesture, was so perfect. Soft, tender kisses chased one another as we moved closer to each other, reveling in our intimacy. It wasn’t about sex.
It was about love.
7
I T HAD been a couple of weeks since I had stayed over at Jamie’s on a Saturday night. It would have looked suspicious for me to stay over every week, especially since he was dating
Similar Books
